Perfect Imperfection

We live in a society that prizes perfection. Looking perfect, being perfect and doing things perfectly, is part of what  many strive for. Striving for perfection has many disadvantages. For one thing, when we make perfection our ideal, we tend to spend a lot of time focusing on how to reach that state. We become future oriented, always looking for the next something that will help to correct, or at the least, cover our imperfections.

Perfection means different things to different people. For many, perfection is about how they look, for some it is about what kind of house they live in or what kind of car they drive, and for others it may be about looking like the perfect person with the best family and almost perfect children.  

The word perfection means to be complete, flawless, without defect, faultless and absolute. Really? Do you know any one who fits this description??? 

Since perfection is a lofty goal, and is one that is pretty much unattainable, I say we give up the ideal and embrace the real, which is perfect imperfection, or what I call authentic.

Striving for the unreachable can lead to dissatisfaction with self and others. When life gets messy or uncontrollable, and life is often messy and uncontrollable, those who long for perfection will find themselves in a pickle.

Life is life, and often we find ourselves in places and situations where we would rather not be. Many times we don't look the way we wish we could look, our hair just won't do what it should do, sometimes our children are behaving like brats, our spouses are being jerks, our friends are not understanding enough, our jobs are not going the way we imagined they would, our neighbors are too loud and no matter how hard we try, we can't seem to cover up what we view as imperfection, and therefore wrong. 

Having to have everything look and feel perfect can be a full time job and eventually it will take its toll on our bodies, relationships and mental health. So, what are we to do?

One thing we can do is to understand there will always be the "imperfect", and we are all perfectly imperfect.  Let that sink in and give yourself permission to look and behave imperfectly. 

Something I have come to understand, is that perfection is about covering shame. When we believe something is wrong with us, that we are somehow flawed, we spend a lot of time in an attempt to cover those flaws, and cover our shame about those flaws. I believe the more shame based we are, the more glaring our flaws are to us. 

Unfortunately, when we are focused on perfection, our need for everything to look okay includes those in our lives to whom we are attached. This can include a need to control the behavior and being of our spouses, children, siblings, and even our parents. 

God forbid, someone should see that I am not perfect; that I get angry, I get depressed, I sometimes curse like a sailor and throw the F bomb around. I also tend to cry when I am both happy and sad, my house is not always in order and my furniture does not match. Add to that my imperfect spouse and marriage. Yowza!! My spouse is color blind so he wears green checks with purple stripes, we both have gas so we burp and fart often, and we sometimes wear pajamas all day on Saturday or Sunday. I often want him to be more perfect and more in line with how I want him to be. Sometimes I forget how perfectly imperfect he is, and I have to remind myself how precious he is, and what a beautiful soul I am married to.

When we are looking for the perfect in another person, we often miss who the person is, or we forget who they are, because we are focused on what is not what we consider perfect. Many relationships are ruined due to our need for perfection. 

Needing to be, and even appear to be perfect, is such bullshit and is so exhausting. It is an unreachable goal.

Imagine this!! Applaud yourself for a failed recipe. Instead of apologizing and making yourself wrong for not getting it perfect, acknowledge yourself for doing your best. Instead of cursing yourself for getting lost and being so stupid you could not follow directions, thank yourself for the journey and go on from there. Give yourself a break!!.

Love what you do have. Love yourself as you are and celebrate your perfect imperfections. Quit waiting for it, or you, to get better and more perfect, love it where it is. Allow the perfection of the imperfect to be front and center. Celebrate beautiful/handsome imperfect you.!!