Straight Talk About Self Love

I am noticing the subtle shifts that are happening in my being, Two big shifts I am aware of is how I do not seem to get as frustrated with myself and my seeming inability to understand some things in life, and I do not take what is happening around me as something being directed at me. 

I used to get very frustrated and if I did not walk away from, or let go of whatever the issue was that was frustrating me, the frustration would turn into anger at myself and often at others who happened to be in my space. Or I would feel hurt because I related to what was happening in my personal space as though what someone else was doing or saying was about me or being directed at me.  My self talk would be negative and self deprecating, like: no one cares about me or about how I feel, I have to do everything , how could I  be so dumb, so slow to understand, so flawed, and so inadequate, I really do not matter, I am not enough and no matter what I do it never seems to be right or enough. 

For a few months now I have been looking at my basic beliefs about myself and writing about the events that happened in my life that created these closely held beliefs. As I took each event, one by one, and replayed it in my mind, I slowly came to an understanding about how and why I perceived life to be the way I thought it was and why my self worth had been compromised.   

Until then, I don't think I realized the tremendous impact my internal dialogue and my basic beliefs about myself were having on my life. When things in life did not work for me, I usually believed  it was because of something outside of me. 

About three or so months ago, I began to notice the shift in my thought processes and how I was responding differently to stimuli outside of myself.  I am rewriting my life script and changing my internal dialogue. When someone says or does something and my first thought is, "he/she doesn't care about me", instead of reacting, I now take a deep breath and question that thought. Is this true, is it really about me?  So far, those negative thoughts of self doubt have not been accurate, they are only perceptions I have made real in my mind.  Instead of feeling hurt because I think nobody cares, I realize others actions are about them and not about me. I don't buy into it like I used to. Instead I wrap my arms around myself and remind myself that I am loved and cared for.  


This is self-love, this is self-worth, this is peace. 


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Beginning

This is my new blog and I will be using this space to share my thoughts, experiences, memories, lessons, and dreams.  After five years of blogging on WordPress, I put my blog to rest in 2016. I have been silent for a while and that has been quite an experience, but I feel the sap rising again and the call to pick up my writing where I left off.

This first blog is an introduction to me, your blogger, Once you know what makes me hum, you can decide whether you would be interested in following this blog. I am open to suggestions and comments, however I do ask that you be kind with your words.  

 With that said, I invite you to make yourself comfortable while I tell you a little about myself, Brenda Marie Lightfeather Marroy.

I AM a word nerd, an organic gardener, an author, a Guardian ad Litem (court appointed special advocate to abused and neglected children), an animal lover, an avid reader, a student and lover of life, and a soul on a healing journey. Sometimes I am forgetful, judgmental of myself, and uninspired. Other times, when I remember who I am, I love and appreciate myself in all of my imperfections and fears, I have great memory recall, I know I am an important piece of the whole, and I am so inspired my hands cannot type fast enough.

I APPRECIATE the smell and feel of rain on my face, sunrises and sunsets, a cold dirty martini, well-prepared food, a nice black dress, the sound of birds singing, and kind people.

I LEAN TOWARDS the downtrodden and oppressed, minorities, simplicity, speaking my truth,introspection, and quiet.

I HAVE BEEN BLESSED with a husband and a family who love me, many awake, aware women friends, two beautiful cats, Merlin and Mystic, who own a piece of my heart, a good mind, and simplicity of heart.

I FANCY MYSELF to be a writer,  a transformation and awareness facilitator, a good cook, a supportive and loving wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister, and a true friend.

I SHY AWAY FROM verbose people, haughtiness, gossips, liars, narcissists, and self-proclaimed gurus and healers.

I ASPIRE to be kind, compassionate, accepting, and loving.

I RECALL the journey I have taken to get to this beautiful place and time in my life, many fun and exciting motorcycle rides with my beloved husband and sweetheart, Paul, my honeymoon in Ireland, and the lessons I have learned along the way.

I hope you enjoy my blog.  I do love hearing from those who read the words I so carefully place on the page, so please leave a comment and tell me a little about yourself.
I also invite you to check out my Facebook page which is also called
https://www.facebook.com/streamsofconsciousness