Uncertainty

Because I am human, I understand it can be difficult to be in a place of uncertainty, of not knowing and not being sure about an outcome.  

We all want to know what is happening and how life will turn out for us. I believe this is part of what being human is about.

However, life does not always work that way. Often, we are left without definitive answers and without an assurance that all is well and all will be well.

I have experienced uncertainty many times in my life so I know what it feels like. I also know what it looks like and sounds like when others are in a vexed state of uncertainty.

I specifically remember one family I worked with when I was a Guardian Ad Litem. The foster dad had a lot of anxiety about the future of the two brothers he and his wife were fostering. .The foster parents fell in love with these children and hoped they would be able to adopt them one day. Since the children had been removed from an abusive home where they were being neglected and the biological parents were not interested in working a program to get their children back, there was a chance the boys would be eligible for adoption.

Every time I made a home visit the foster dad would anxiously confront me about what was the holdup, what was going on in the court case, what were the parents doing to get their children back and when would the court permanently remove the children thereby making them eligible for adoption.

He wanted an answer, an assurance and a certainty that he and his wife were going to be able to continue to raise these boys as their own. I saw the uncertainty eating away at him and wanted to assure him all would be okay, but I could not do that because I was just as uncertain as he was. All I could do was keep telling him the truth while encouraging him to allow his uncertainty to be okay.  

I would explain to him every visit that my commitment to these children was the same as his: to do all I could to see these boys have permanency in a stable and loving environment. But, all I could do was all I could do and all he could do was all he could do and ultimately the final decision would be the judges. 

I felt for this foster dad because I knew he loved those boys and wanted to give them a home where they could prosper and grow. I also understood his need to know their future and his desire to have some control in the situation. 

Unfortunately, life does not always work that way though. We often do not have control over a situation, a person or an outcome and when that happens we have to be okay with not knowing and not being in control. 

It is not easy to feel powerless.

It is not easy to doubt the future and not have the answers we long for.

But, it is part of life, and when we find our self in the place of not knowing and not having the answers, it is okay to be in doubt and to find a place of peace within the doubt and the uncertainty. 

We are not perfect and we don't always know. In fact, the closest I come to perfection is realizing how perfectly imperfect I am.  And being imperfect it is okay to doubt, to be uncertain, to not know, to not be in control, to not have answers, to question what the hell and when the hell will this change and to also allow myself to find a place of peace within, despite all that is going on without. 

It is also okay to slow down and breathe, allowing myself to embrace where I am, making the uncertainty okay.

I have learned that answers do come when they are ready.

I do see and understand the process when the time is right.

It is okay to doubt, it is okay to not know. Just be honest with yourself about your doubt and understand there is nothing wrong or blasphemous about having doubt and uncertainty,

The darkness will pass, the light will shine and we will have the vision to see what we need to see and know what we need to know. Fighting the darkness is futile.  It is easier to light a match if we have one, and if we don't, to wait for the dawning of light when we can see what has not been seen and know what has not been known.  Fighting that which we cannot control takes us out of our peaceful center and drops us into stress and anxiety. 

Always choose peace for yourself. Even when we don't know the answers to our questions, we can still choose to be okay and to be at peace.