The D word I am writing about is death. For a large chunk of my life, I had a fear of death. It was the unknown, and therefore scary. Funerals scared me, dead people scared me and cemeteries seemed haunted. However, even during my fear of death phase, I still used the word, death, to describe when someone left this world for the next.
Death is a subject few talk about. It is almost like religion and politics. You don't hear many conversations focused on death. For some reason, it has a macabre sense or feel to it. Maybe, it is the finality of it. When I do hear a conversation about death, it is usually softened by avoiding the word, death or dead, and substituting a euphemism, like passed. I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with saying passed instead of died; I am simply calling attention to our need to use a euphemism, instead of saying the word.
I have been aware that something is changing in my life concerning the thought of death. The fear is no longer present in my thoughts or feelings about dying. Quite the opposite, when I ponder death it is usually in the context of missing life. I find myself having the thought, "I sure will miss this." I will miss the beauty and majesty of sitting outside and listening to and watching the birds and the squirrels. I will miss seeing my children, grandchildren, husband and other family members, and watching them do life. I will miss sitting on the porch in the afternoon with Paul, each of us talking while enjoying an espresso martini. I will miss my sisters and the awesome conversations and times we have together.
I hope I live for a long time; I hope to continue to be here for a while. But, here's the thing, Whether I am here for one more day, or ten plus years, something in me has shifted concerning dying. I don't know, maybe it's because I am eighty-two and have had many sick days of not knowing how to go on in poor health. Or, maybe it's because I sat with my grandfather and my mother as they died, and I literally saw the peace and quiet envelop them as they took their last breath. I tend to think the latter has more relevance.
I will share with you the experience I had when my mother died. My sister-in-law and I were sitting in the room with my mother's body, waiting for the funeral people to come. She and I were talking to each other when I suddenly felt cold. For the four days my mother lay dying, she had been covered with her LSU blanket, and it was still covering her dead body. I walked up to her hospice bed and said, "Mother, I hope you don't mind, but I am going to take your blanket so I can wrap myself in it." I took the blanket off her body and wrapped it around me. When I sat back in the chair I felt like I was transported to another place, where time stood still. I felt the most incredible sense of deep peace fill my entire being. I was speechless and could only sit quietly letting myself feel the essence of my mother as it hovered over me and filled me. It was a while before I came back into my body, and the room, and was able to speak to my sister-in-law who was sitting and watching me. That experience changed my concept of death and dying. I knew in that moment, when my mother transitioned out of her body, she transitioned into a place of peace. I knew the other side of the veil was as benevolent and loving as the energy on this side.
Death is no longer something macabre, or something to dread. I now see it as another phase of life, a transition from here to there, a different state of being. I do not believe in religion so I have no belief in a place called hell or heaven. I do believe in that which is greater than me, I believe in the possibility and probability of reincarnation being a real thing and I believe in a benevolent energy I call creator..
No one is getting out of here alive, so it makes sense to me to make peace, and be at peace ,with knowing the day will come when we will shed our body and transition to the next dimension. I am okay talking about death, contemplating death and saying someone died. My intention is not to offend, it is just to be real.
Some popular euphemisms:
Let go, instead of fired
Big bones, instead of overweight
Spin the truth, instead of lie
Under the weather, instead of sick
Plastered, instead of drunk
Time of the month, instead of menstruation
and of course: passed, instead of dead or died
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