DOWN TIME

DOWN TIME

 "When someone knocks on your door, think that he's about to give you something large:

Tell you you're forgiven, or that it's not necessary to work all the time,

Or that it's been decided that if you lie down no one will die."

Last stanza of Things to Think by Robert Bly

What really hit me while reading this poem was the ending, "if you lie down no one will die."

That's a big, huge life-changing thought for those of us who were taught that idleness is the devil's workshop, that we do not deserve to "do nothing" because we have to earn the right to be here. I was taught to stay busy in many ways. I do not remember anyone telling me I had to save the world, or be all things to all people, or be the only one who knew how to do something right so I could not step back and rest, that chores came before play or rest or that to rest meant I was lazy.  I developed those beliefs from lived experiences in my family home and from  family, religious and societal rules. I learned that rewards and acceptance were tied to my doing, not to my being. 

I am only now, at 84, learning that it is okay to listen to my body and give it what it needs. It is still hard for ne to slow down and just stop everything to sit on the deck in the sunshine and enjoy nature, or to kick back in my recliner and take an afternoon nap, or to shut down my laptop at 4:00 and go out on my porch with a martini and a good book. 

Because of my life experiences I am driven, and I am a driver. I see it, I know it and I acknowledge it. I am actively involved in letting that part of me be okay, while gently practicing putting that doing part of me to rest. It is not easy!!

It is a total mind shift for me to "get" that if I lie down, no one will die, nor will the world stop turning. So, I am retraining myself to stop at a certain point and let it all go. I no longer find it necessary to make my bed every day. Will the world go to pieces if I do not make my bed? I think not. I have made it okay to go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. When I first gave myself permission to do this I was amazed that the house was still standing, even with dishes in the sink. 

Yes, life does go on, even when we decide to give ourselves a break and stop for a while. Be good to yourself, honor your body and its needs and see what a difference it makes to your quality of life.  When you give yourself time to "be", to sit quietly, you open a space within for clarity and peace.

Only you can give yourself the love gift of creating down time for yourself. You deserve it!!

YOU MATTER GREATLY  💖

SO LONG 2025-HELLO 2026

 

SO LONG 2025, HELLO 2026

2025 is on its way out and I am shedding no tears as it walks out the door and into the past. The year was both good and not so good. In numerology, the year 2025 was a 9 year which means it carried the energy of endings, completions, and undoing. I gladly say goodbye to this year. 2026, which is a 1 year carries the energy of new beginnings, a starting point. I am looking forward to this year to see where the journey will take me, my loved ones, friends and my country. 

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Because I do believe every upset is a set up, and the treasure is often hidden in the dark,  I have been able to make it through the year with faith and hope still alive in my being. When life seems to be going south, I have a tendency, after I rebound from the hit, to look for the treasure hidden in the experience.  It seems I have done quite a bit of treasure hunting this year.

I experienced my share of days, and even weeks of feeling emptied out this year. I have not written or posted on this blog since March, 2025. I wanted to write but felt empty of words, thoughts, insights or imaginations. For a while, I really tried to manufacture something, but finally gave in to the inner knowing  that I needed to leave it alone and let it be.  This was hard for me because as a writer, I need to write. However, when there are no words, writing is impossible. I actually have had moments of thinking perhaps my love of writing and creating were at an end and I would never write again. 

I have been here before so I was familiar with the call to step aside and quit trying. When I gave up my resistance to going back into the emptiness and the no-thingness, I felt better and rested in the stage of life I found myself in.

Emptiness not only hit me in the area of writing, it also hit hard in my physical well being. Long haul covid continued to take its toll on me and added to that was degenerative disc disease in my C4-6. I suffered a lot and after months of pain management, I decided to see an orthopedic surgeon. In October I had an anterior discectomy and fusion. The recovery process of almost three months really hit me hard and there were times when I doubted I would ever feel good again. Once again, I finally gave up my resistance to feeling bad and went with the flow. I am now in physical therapy to regain my range of motion in my neck and to strengthen my neck, arms and back muscles.

The uptick in cruelty and just plain ugliness  from the top down in our country has thrown me for a loop. For a while, I felt like I had lost my balance and saw no hope for the saving of our democracy. However, as I gave up that struggle and decided to be an active participant in standing and marching for what my heart longs for, I began to see some light. Seeing the massive peaceful protests taking place on a daily basis in every corner of the country has filled me with hope.  I now believe the people can make a difference.

Through all of this, I have once again found the fullness that is present in the emptiness. There is no empty space. What looks and feels like it is empty, is really full. If nothing else, the emptiness is full of emptiness, and that is okay. I have continued to learn through experience that if I quit resisting what is, I can live in continued contentment and peace. 

If it feels empty, embrace it....let it be. If it feels like all creative energy has gone away, embrace it...let it be. If it feels like I will never regain my physical health and well being, embrace it....let it be.

Emptiness, aloneness, lack of motivation, doubt, the carrying out of cruelty to other humans and/or life forms used to worry me and cause me a lot of angst. Thankfully, I am learning to just let it be. Sometimes I cry my way through whatever is going on, other times I just sit with the sickness I feel inside over where life is taking me and over what is happening in my body, my country and the world.

My intentions, as we move into new 2026 energy, are to live life to the fullest, to continue to be aware of resistance to life and to give it up, to love myself unconditionally and to walk in light, love and kindness. 

Happy 2026!! May your journey through the year be light, bright, joyful and peaceful. 

YOU ARE.....

You are......Worthy, lovable, deserving of peace and awesome.

No matter what you do, what your job is, how much you own, how big or small your house is, how much or how little money you have, or what kind of car you drive. No matter what!! You are a worthwhile human who matters. How do I know this? Because we are all created by the creator in the image of the creator. We are all spirit beings in a human body, here on planet earth, having a human experience. We tend to forget our inherent self-worth when we get entangled in the lower reaches of our humanity and forget we are living, breathing souls walking around in a human body.

I lived for years out of a deep sense of unworthiness and shame. I knew all the things I had done and said, as a human, over the years. I said many unkind things to many people, I reacted often in anger and self-righteousness, I did things that were unbecoming and I reacted too many times in ugliness. I self-aggressed through giving others control of my body so I could have a few minutes of acceptance, through eating unhealthy foods and burning the candle at both ends. I put myself in harms way by acting stupidly with no thought of what the outcome might be.

I didn't do it all, but I did a lot. And I did it all with no realization that I was self-aggressing, and definitely no idea at all that underneath all the indignities and harm I put myself through, there was a worthwhile being living in my body. I did not know that I deserved to be nurtured, treated kindly and loved for who I was.

It was the early 1980's when I consciously realized something was missing. I had already left organized religion and was flirting with new age beliefs. I had completed the est training and was slowly waking up to life, spirituality and myself.  I was on a journey of self-realization and did not know it at the time. I longed for authenticity and somehow knew in order to be authentic, I would have to find out who I really was underneath all the crap I lived out of and believed to be true. I wanted to reach a higher level of consciousness because somehow I knew there was more to life than what I knew and believed. I put my foot on the path to uncovering myself, healing my childhood wounds and finding my self-worth.

I have been on this path for forty-three years and am still uncovering pieces of myself that were tucked away deep within my being.  I have learned first hand how we tuck away and deeply cover over the parts of us that others say, by word or deed, are unlovable and unacceptable parts. I am talking about those parts like: you are lazy, stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, skinny, a slut or a Romeo, too short or too tall, not like your brother, sister or cousin, or too much like your mom, dad or other family member, you can't do anything right, your nose is too big, you are mean, etc. I hope you get the drift. 

I want to be clear that words and deeds that affect our sense of self-worth are not always spoken in anger. Most parents do love their children and have no intention of harming their child. However, most parents also have a deep (usually unspoken and often unacknowledged) desire for the child to be a certain way. This is where the problem comes in. Unavailable, or unwilling to face their own pain, they live with unhealed childhood wounds and act out of their own wounding. It is just what we do, without meaning to destroy a child's self-worth, and cause the child to think something is flawed within. As children, we usually bend to the status quo because that is how we get the approval we need from our caretakers. 

And, so the cycle continues. Deeply wounded people with low self worth create more deeply wounded people with low self worth. I know so many who are trapped in their shame based life who either go within and are too afraid to use their voice, and they become silent.  Or they become hooked on control as a way of believing they are always right.  That way they can pretend they have good self worth. I leaned more towards the latter, but was silent a lot also for fear of saying something that would make someone not like me. It really is a vicious cycle, but thankfully its a cycle that can be broken. 

The best part of my healing journey,  and the most painful part, has been and still is, going within and identifying my core issues so I can bring them to light. This is called shadow work. This is where I am seeing my true self and giving myself permission to be who I am, forgiving myself and loving myself as I am, with all of my flaws. I am learning to allow myself to be perfectly imperfect.

I am now at a place where I can acknowledge anger, shame, anxiety, fear, brokenness, sadness or any of the "negative" emotions we humans usually do not want to be associated with. I am learning that whatever I feel is okay. It is just what I feel and to make some feelings good and some bad is part of the low self worth cycle. Because we may have been taught that something is wrong with us if we feel a certain way does not mean it is true. I have been taught many things in life by well meaning people that I have found out are not true. When we can give self permission to feel whatever we feel without making self wrong, we can be real. 

As I have said before, "The more I know, the more I know how much I don't know. But, what I do know, I know." And, this is something I know: underneath our angst, doubt, fear and worry lies a deep vein of love, peace and joy. It is there, often buried under the stories we tell ourselves about life. Be willing to mine for the gold, mine for the diamonds. What we all long for is already here,  stuffed under the buried, but still there, parts we consider unacceptable.

Know this:

You are.... a worthwhile human, a lovable soul, you deserve to be at peace within. You deserve to know and honor your worth. You are loved, loving and lovable.

YOU MATTER GREATLY!!

BEING IN THE LIMINAL

Liminal-Transitional area between two places or states, such as between the past and the future or between one destination and another. It can be physical, emotional or psychological.

Being in the liminal is usually being in a place of uncertainty. There is a lot of doubt and not knowing when in this place. It also can be a place of emptiness.

I have been in the liminal quite a few times in my life. I once stayed in the liminal for close to four years. Though filled with discomfort, it turned out to be one of the most enlightening times in my life.

It happened after my first book was published,  I was busy promoting the book and myself as an author. I was writing articles and being published in many magazines. I was busy being my creative self. One day, I began to know in my core that it was time to give it all up and leave behind my identity as an author, as a blogger who had a world-wide following,  and as one who was on a path of success. I really struggled with this and it took a while for me to give in to the call to no/thingness (the liminal) and to walk into the unknown. 

Looking back at that time in my life, I feel intense gratitude for the call of the liminal. It started out as a very difficult place to be. I wanted to promote my book, I wanted to write, but I was empty and quickly realized I had nothing to say. I wanted to fill the space. I wanted to know. I wanted some certainty. What I did not want was the feeling of being hollowed out, a failure and worthless.

My book was not selling, I was not writing and I felt intense feelings of loneliness.

Thankfully, I began to give myself over to just being where I was. I found myself going within more and spending more quiet time alone. I spent a lot of time reading, breathing, walking in nature and just being. It was during that time when I felt the call to volunteer to be a Guardian ad Litem. Working in the court system with abused and neglected children changed my life, and I slowly began to experience a deep healing in my own inner, wounded child. 

If I had not answered the call to not only enter into the liminal, but to learn to live comfortably in it, I would have missed the entire healing experience. I would have been so busy with my life I would never have answered the call for a Guardian ad Litem. Life definitely changed for me, and as I reflect on that time, I am certain my life would not be what it is today.

I learned some deep truths in that quiet, liminal space:

1. The more I know, the more I know how much I do not know.

2. I do not know much, but what I do know, I know.

3. I became conscious of how unconscious I can be.

4. The empty places are really full-they are filled with emptiness, quiet, calm and bliss.

5. I learned to quit focusing on the bright, shiny stars and focus instead on the darkness between the stars. That is where the power lies.

6. I now know it is okay to be no/thing, in fact it is freeing to not have to try to be some/thing.

As I slowly began to come out of the liminal I started writing again. My book began to sell, and nine years later it is still selling worldwide. I am blogging again and I am in the process of completing a second book. 

When I quit fighting the liminal, I lost who I thought I was supposed to be, and found pieces of myself I did not even know I had. I am still meeting myself and becoming intimately acquainted with the real me. That does not mean I have answers, or certainty about anything. The difference is I can be okay in the uncertainty.

To those reading this, I want you to know: YOU MATTER, WHETHER YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF UNCERTAINTY OR NOT!! 

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EMPTINESS OR UNCERTAINTY!! JUST BE WITH IT AND ENJOY THE QUIET. 

YOU ARE LOVED, JUST BECAUSE....FOR NO REASON EXCEPT YOU ARE LOVABLE!!

Bye-Bye to 2024

2024 has been one of the busiest years I can remember. It has been a year filled with activity, fun, a lot of visitors, travel, sadness, sickness, loss and gain, darkness followed by insight, disappointment, hope, anger, and yet, through it all, I have had peace within. 

I finished putting together my new book, an anthology for and about women. Thanks to the 22 women who courageously wrote their stories and submitted them to me, I have an inspiring book to offer the women of the world. Hopefully, it will be published in 2025. My new book title is From There to Here.

My year started with my catching the flu and feeling really bad. At the same time, Paul and I adopted a rambunctious, strong-willed puppy. As our puppy physically grew and got bigger and stronger, so did his strong will. Finally, after six week of training and his pulling me and walking me, we decided we needed to rehome him. We had both fallen in love with him but I knew I could not handle him. He went to a really good home and whenever I hear from the people who took him, he seems to be happy and a part of their family. 

In March, after a CT scan of my lungs, I was told I had a sessile mass in the first portion of my duodenum and I needed to have an endoscopy to see what it was. For some reason, this did not ring true for me. After being sent to a GI doctor who strongly suggested the endoscopy, I agreed to have the procedure done. On the day of the test, I told the doctor I was there so we could all rule out that there was a mass. I felt it was a shadow on the scan. I was right! There was no mass, so that was put to bed. Hallelujah.

Thanks to my son, Mac, we saw a lot of live theater this year. We started the year with The Simon and Garfunkel Story, followed by Life and Times of the Temptations, Jersey Boys (for the 3rd time), To Kill a Mockingbird, Celtic Women, Frankie Valli and Mama Mia. 

Our home seemed to be filled with guests all throughout the year, plus we did a fair bit of traveling. In May one of my granddaughters got married so the family met in Charlotte, NC for a couple of days. In July, we flew to North Georgia for a 4th of July family reunion. In August, I rode to Boone, NC with a friend and spent 4 days with a close sister friend and also spent the night in Abingdon with my daughter, Angela. I flew to New Orléans in August to be with my great-grandson on his 15th birthday. In October, I drove to Pennsylvania to spend 4 days with another sister friend. It was a busy year.

In March, we began the construction of our new screened in porch and deck. Paul designed and built it so we were involved every weekend for 3 months. Because we were so involved in this project we did not get to take our annual motorcycle vacation. 

This year, I learned to deal better and more consciously with my long covid and its myriad symptoms. I am happy to report that for the most part the extreme fatigue is gone. I still get tired and have to get in  my recliner for a nap and a rest, but that is nowhere near as bad as it had been. I now use a broncho-dilator to help open my airways and that that has helped me to breathe a little easier. Since the medical profession has no answers,I am learning to manage this disease by advocating for myself. I read clinical trial results, I am active on long covid websites and I now take different medicinal mushrooms, which seem to be helping in some areas. 

I consider 2024 to be a good year, one that I have enjoyed immensely. It has probably been one of my better years in recent times.

I will be 83 in January and I do look forward to celebrating another trip around the sun, however I am not looking forward to 2025. I strongly sense the incoming tide of darkness, chaos, uncertainty and mayhem that are on the horizon. I have a certain amount of fear and dread over what it looks like is going to happen to Medicare, Social Security, social services for the indigent, insurance for the masses, Medicaid, Head Start for the children and health care for women. I shudder to think that the least of our society, children and the elderly, may no longer be cared for. It sickens me in my gut to know women who are suffering miscarriages are bleeding out in hospital waiting rooms and their own homes because doctors are too afraid to treat them, for fear of going to jail. In my world, this is insanity. Truthfully, I have no hope of this getting better in 2025. 

Even without hope for a better world next year, I am still walking into 2025 filled with love, determination and kindness for the planet and its inhabitants. I am determined to walk and stand in light and to stay present. I pray for courage to stand strong and resist that which is against my values and morals, as I stand strong for the rights of all citizens of this country and the world. We are all members of the same family and what affects the least of us affects us all. 

This will be my last blog of the year, so adios, peace out and I will talk to you next year. 

THE POT DRIPS WHAT IS IN IT

 "The pot leaks what is in it" is an excerpt from one of the poems by Rumi, who happens to be one of my favorite poets. Every time I read these words, something happens in my soul. It's like someone reaches inside and touches me softly and gently and I respond by softening and listening.  What these particular words mean to me is: we manifest what is inherently ours. 

When we are filled with love, we leak love. When we are filled with kindness and tenderness, we leak these virtues.  It comes through our pores. When filled with anger and rage, we leak these feelings onto the world and its inhabitants.

Since we leak whatever we are filled with, it makes sense to me that a desire to be an authentic being is a rational and exceptional desire.  Authenticity does not pretend to love, it is knowing we are love. When we are filled with kindness, we do not have to think about doing acts of kindness, we automatically manifest kindness to all. It is part of the authentic soul.

When we "are filled with something", we can walk into a room and we drip that something without saying a word or doing anything. I know people who actually ooze kindness. When around them I can feel it dripping from their pores. Whether they speak or not I get the benefit of their kindness. I have a granddaughter and a great-granddaughter who both ooze sweetness and kindness.. I tell them often that it oozes out of their pores. When in the presence of Ali and Ceda, I literally feel their sweetness and kindness.. 

MY GRANDDAUGHTER, SWEET ALI

Contrast that with one who harbors anger and rage. What they drip is cruelty, harsh judgment of others, acts of violence and chaos. I have often walked into a room and felt the tension and anger coursing through the air like an electrical current. That is anger dripping from the pot. Others can feel it. It can be sensed, and it becomes part of the energy that surrounds us. 

We are who we are and we are all love beings. We may not feel that way and our pot may not drip love, because the love that we are may be hidden in the darker regions of our souls. It has not yet made it to the surface where it oozes out of us.  Unhealed childhood wounds and unexpressed feelings and thoughts can create a cloud that covers our love for self and for others. Anger and rage that has been stuffed and turned inward will often sit on top of our love and kindness. It's not that we don't feel loving and kind, it's just that the love sits under the undealt with anger.

However, whether love and kindness is clouded, or hidden beneath the undealt with stuff, we are still beings of love.  Imagine a world filled with people who have realized the fullness of their love and kindness. It oozes out of them and touches all that are near.

Be willing to look within and allow the excavation process to begin. Clear out that which is unlike love so you can drip the essence of who you are, an authentic being of love and light.

You are love! You are light! 

                                                MY SWEET GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER, CEDA

AGING

I have been wanting to write about aging for a while now, and was waiting for what felt like the right moment. I seem to be reading and hearing a lot of banter about aging. Part of it is still focused on telling women they need to cover their greys, look great in a bikini and in a dress, and do something about wrinkles and sags. However, I also am very aware of an increase in posts and in conversations about older women and how powerful they are, not because they look so good for their age, but because of their elderly wisdom.

My journey to get to where I am, 82 years old, has been filled with the good, the bad and the really ugly. No matter how I think about the myriad experiences I have had on the road to 82, I can now sit back and look at each event with curiosity, and sometimes sadness and regret. Not regret that the incident happened, but regret about how I handled it. Also, regret for those I hurt along the way.

However, I am no longer sidelined by thoughts of my past, because I have learned how to forgive myself, make peace with myself and others, and move on. I also have learned to appreciate the aging process, and the wisdom that comes with experience and insight. 

There are many advantages in getting older. For one thing, the older I get, the more I can take a step back when I look in the mirror. I now see my mother in my face, where I didn't before. I also hear her in my conversations. I say so many things that I learned from listening to her. I curse like her and get aggravated at "stuff" like she did. 

Another advantage is, with each passing day, as I grow in my knowledge and understanding of who I am, I have developed a healthy respect and care for myself. The more I like myself, the less I am  bothered by unimportant things.

I grew up with a mother and grandmother who were almost always put together. Their hair was always coifed, they generally started their day by putting makeup on, and they wore such cute outfits. Their clothes and shoes matched and they wore jewelry. They looked like a southern lady is supposed to look. (at least, that's what I was told.) Nothing wrong with any of that, it is just that none of it floats my boat. 

When I was younger and interested in staying that way, I colored my grey, covered over my wrinkles as best I could and did my best to look younger and more fit. However, as I have aged and learned to accept and love myself just as I am, I am actually okay with wrinkles and seldom ever put makeup on. I hang out usually in sweats, T-shirts and earth shoes with socks in the winter and elasticized shorts, T-shirts and earth shoes in the summer. I have beaucoup jewelry but seldom put any of it on. Once again, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice. It just does not matter enough to me to make me care about fashion and the latest trends and colors. I want to look okay AND be comfortable and I do not want to work for it.

I make no excuses for my flab and fat belly. I could probably hide a pencil under my breasts and my belly, but hey, it comes with the territory. 

It feels good to not have to make excuses or feel bad because I am not into fashion or shopping. I was once told that I was a disgrace to women because I do not like to shop.  I'm okay with that and have nothing against those who do like to shop. I stopped caring a long time ago about what others thought of me and how I look. 

I had a cousin who always wanted me to let her make me over so she could improve on how I looked. My response was always, "I happen to like how I look and don't want to cover over or cover up what you don't think is okay." 

I call it conscious aging and I realize it is not for everyone. I do not make those wrong who choose to use their energy to look young and desirable. I have a very close girlfriend who calls it looking fu**able. (rhymes with huckable)

I have come to understand that conscious aging is not for the faint of heart. We do live in a society that prizes youth and being skinny. We are bombarded with print and TV ads touting how we are supposed to look. The anti-aging industry is a million dollar enterprise and it feeds mostly on women. The desire of women to look young and sexy is not something new. This has been going on for ages. 

There was a time when I bought into the concept, and the belief that life would be better and I would be happier if I continued to look young. Gratefully, that time has been long gone. 

To my aging sisters who are reading this, I encourage you to love yourself as you are. Embrace your body and nurture and nourish it with that which you love. Please know that whether you look 80 or 40, you are beautiful and are a sensual human being. You are much more than the clothes you wear or the style of your hair. Stand strong and sure in your feminine glory and let your light shine. Remember: age is just a number, but how you feel about yourself and present yourself to the world is what really matters. In the end, your nurturing love and being matters much more than your age.

WILD GEESE

 

"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile, the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile, the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

Those who know me well, know how much I love Mary Oliver's poetry. I read and copied this poem quite a few years ago, and ran across it this morning. As I read, I was thinking of the message of the poem and wishing everyone could read it, and get it. Following are words of inspiration that were felt in me as I contemplated the meaning of Wild Geese.

No matter who you are, your life matters.

You are important. You are here for a reason, you have a purpose, and what you do with your life makes a difference to everyone on the planet.

No one is here by accident. How we live and move and have our being affects us all. When we choose to live life with love, kindness, compassion and forgiveness, we bless our Self and that blessing flows out to all. We are powerful, creative beings, and when we walk in our truth, and innate power, we affect change in others. When I offer kindness to all of life, life responds in kindness. Whatever I offer, what I give the most of, is what I create in the world.

Like the wild geese, we are all heading home to our true Self, our divinity, our source. I pray our journey is one of consciousness and that we spend our time in love and peace.

You matter, so please treat yourself with honor and respect today. Take care of yourself and walk through the world in love. Smile, offer a helping hand, be forgiving, open a door, make eye contact, pet an animal and hug a tree. Spread peace wherever you are. What you give to one, you give to all, and what you give to others you give to yourself.

Make a difference in the world today and be the change you want to see. 

Euphemisms and the D Word

 

Euphemism: The substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant. 

The D word I am writing about is death. For a large chunk of my life, I had a fear of death. It was the unknown, and therefore scary.  Funerals scared me, dead people scared me and cemeteries seemed haunted. However, even during my fear of death phase, I still used the word, death, to describe when someone left this world for the next. 

Death is a subject few talk about. It is almost like religion and politics. You don't hear many conversations focused on death. For some reason, it has a macabre sense or feel to it. Maybe, it is the finality of it. When I do hear a conversation about death, it is usually softened by avoiding the word, death or dead, and substituting a euphemism, like passed. I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with saying passed instead of died; I am simply calling attention to our need to use a euphemism, instead of saying the word. 

I have been aware that something is changing in my life concerning the thought of death. The fear is no longer present in my thoughts or feelings about dying. Quite the opposite, when I ponder death it is usually in the context of missing life. I find myself having the thought, "I sure will miss this." I will miss the beauty and majesty of sitting outside and listening to and watching the birds and the squirrels.  I will miss seeing my children, grandchildren, husband and other family members, and watching them do life. I will miss sitting on the porch in the afternoon with Paul, each of us talking while enjoying an espresso martini. I will miss my sisters and the awesome conversations and times we have together. 

I hope I live for a long time; I hope to continue to be here for a while. But, here's the thing, Whether I am here for one more day, or ten plus years, something in me has shifted concerning dying.  I don't know, maybe it's because I am eighty-two and have had many sick days of not knowing how to go on in poor health. Or, maybe it's because I sat with my grandfather and my mother as they died, and I literally saw the peace and quiet envelop them as they took their last breath. I tend to think the latter has more relevance. 

I will share with you the experience I had when my mother died. My sister-in-law and I were sitting in the room with my mother's body, waiting for the funeral people to come. She and I were talking to each other when I suddenly felt cold. For the four days my mother lay dying, she had been covered with her LSU blanket, and it was still covering her dead body. I walked up to her hospice bed and said, "Mother, I hope you don't mind, but I am going to take your blanket so I can wrap myself in it." I took the blanket off her body and wrapped it around me. When I sat back in the chair I felt like I was transported to another place, where time stood still. I felt the most incredible sense of deep peace fill my entire being. I was speechless and could only sit quietly letting myself feel the essence of my mother as it hovered over me and filled me. It was a while before I came back into my body, and the room, and was able to speak to my sister-in-law who was sitting and watching me. That experience changed my concept of death and dying. I knew in that moment, when my mother transitioned out of her body, she transitioned into a place of peace. I knew the other side of the veil was as benevolent and loving as the energy on this side.

Death is no longer something macabre, or something to dread. I now see it as another phase of life, a transition from here to there, a different state of being. I do not believe in religion so I have no belief in a place called hell or heaven. I do believe in that which is greater than me, I believe in the possibility and probability of reincarnation being a real thing and I believe in a benevolent energy I call creator..   

No one is getting out of here alive, so it makes sense to me to make peace, and be at peace ,with knowing the day will come when we will shed our body and transition to the next dimension. I am okay talking about death, contemplating death and saying someone died. My intention is not to offend, it is just to be real. 

Some popular euphemisms:

Let go, instead of fired

Big bones, instead of overweight

Spin the truth, instead of lie

Under the weather, instead of sick

Plastered, instead of drunk

Time of the month, instead of menstruation

and of course: passed, instead of dead or died

THE LEADING CAUSES OF LIFE

 I dare say, in our society, most people have heard the phrase, "the leading cause of death".  Some say, the answer is cancer or heart attack. Most are familiar with the phrase because it is talked about by many. Often, following the phrase, is a list of ways to avoid being a victim of the "leading cause." What they don't tell us, or talk about, is "the leading cause of life."

Personally, I am more interested in what will add to my life, than what will possibly cause my death. We will all die. No one is getting out of here alive. That is old news. But, while we are here on this planet, wouldn't it be wonderful to do what it takes to contribute to life? I want to live my best life. I want to be an authentic, truth-telling, life-loving human. My guess is that the majority of humans feel the same way.

I believe, on some level, we are all possessed with the longing to be whole, to fly, to create, to dance, to dream, to paint, to write, to be big and large and full of who we truly are. We are possessed with the desire to live fully. 

There are many causes of life, as there are many causes of death. I consider myself to be a student of life, and over the years have come to the following conclusion. In order for me to live life to the fullest, I need to 1) believe in myself, 2) believe in something greater and larger than myself and 3) love, acknowledge and care for myself.

Believing in myself:  This takes work and commitment. I often have to remind myself that I am not my story or my circumstances. Who I am is a child of creator energy, therefore I am love and lovable, compassionate and kind, a light being who is here to heal and be whole, and to offer all of who I am to the planet and its inhabitants.

Believing in something greater and larger than myself: I definitely believe in divine, benevolent energy,  that fills the universe and therefore fills all of us. I feel the love and kindness that flows from this pervasive energy and immerse myself in it. There are many names for this energy. Some call it God, some Goddess, others Allah. I know many who call it All There Is, Creator, Mother/Father God and Great Spirit. I know this energy on a personal level because I am immersed in it. It is not an entity that sits on a cloud, but rather is warm and loving and allows me to wrap myself in it. 

Loving, acknowledging and caring for myself: I have found, and continue to find, ways to love myself. I believe when we have love for self, not ego love, but love for the divine spirit that inhabits who we are, we cannot help but give love to the world.  Some of the ways I practice loving myself are:

• I seek the healing, insight and support that will help me to release the attitudes and emotions that keep me from experiencing the wonder of my true self.
• I do "nothing" by spending time relaxing, reflecting, and simply being, in order to connect with my higher self.
• I spend time in nature, hugging trees and basking in the beauty and grace of creation.
• I buy clothes that reflect who I am.
• I do my best to uphold my principles and stand for light and life.

My desire is to be fully here, while I am here. With all of this in mind, I have to say, I often miss the boat. I forget who I am and why I am here. I get caught up in bullshit and petty things. I indulge in junk food, not fast food, but junk food like chips and cake and cookies. I sometimes forget we are all children of creator energy. I resist life and what is and fall into darkness and despair. 

But, here's the good part. Somehow, I always return to myself and pick up where I left off. I re-involve myself in practicing the leading causes of life and bask in gratitude for loving, creator energy who always brings me back to myself and to truth. 

Be large!! Be authentic!! Be light and love!!  And, finally, be peace!! What you are is what you give to others...

YOU ARE YOU

 “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ― Dr. Seuss

This is such a simple truth, and yet it is missed by many. My observation of humanity, including myself, is how easily we get caught up in our labels, our roles and our story. As a result, we wind up forgetting who we are, and believing we are something we are not. 

The last seminar I wrote and presented was called YOU ARE YOU. I wrote the program with the desire to help us become aware of who we really are. I see, and hear, so many who identify with what they do, who they know and what they have.

We are each divine creations of consciousness. We are the essence of love, kindness, compassion and genuine mercy. We are so much more than what and who we think we are. 

Because we live in such a busy world, it seems to me we have created a huge disconnection. We may be more connected technologically, but energetically we have moved away from the earth, family values, quiet, soul and spirit. We have moved away from the truth of who we are. We are humans and we are each part of a huge, human family. 

In the busyness, we get caught up in living and surviving the demands of the accelerated changes taking place. In order to survive the insanity and onslaught of the world, and all it entails, we have to take the time to remember who we are, so we can stand firmly in that truth. 

The media is constantly telling us what to believe, how to look, what to wear, what drugs to take, and what to eat and drink. They even attempt to define what success looks like. Have you noticed the focus is mostly about what is outside of us, the externals of life, as opposed to who you are and is your life congruent with your words and actions. What really matters?  That your clothes match or that your soul is at peace? 

It feels like we are using our energy to form the world around us instead of making peace with the world inside us. 

I want you to know that you are not your body, your life story, the role you play, the labels you carry, who your ego says you are, or your personality.  Because someone says you are something, does not mean you are. Because you believe something to be true, does not necessarily mean it is true. Because someone said you would never amount to anything, does not make it true. You may have been called stupid, dumb, crazy, rebellious, silly, a know it all, or a jerk. No matter what you have been called or what light you have been cast in, I hope you will remember this simple truth. YOU ARE YOU.

Think on this for a while. This is the essence of who you are:

Energy, love, joy, peace, magnificence, starseed material, part of all that is, alive, connected to all, beautiful, light, consciousness, awareness, the face of god/goddess/allah/all there is, multi-sensory, an evolving soul, powerful beyond your wildest imagination and a spirit in human form. 

Meditate on the above for a while. Take each of these descriptions into your heart by reminding yourself that  this is the essence of who you are.  Say a sentence out loud, that begins with I AM, and insert each of the words above into your sentence. I am energy. I am love, etc. 

To return to knowing who you are requires courage, commitment, self-love and remembering. 

We are all worthwhile humans and we all deserve to have a life filled with light, love, joy and peace. Even when we are at our worse, we are still worthy of love and fulfillment. Returning to our authentic self is a gradual unfolding, an act of grace and self-love. It does not happen in a day or a moment, just as our loss of self did not happen in a day or a moment. 

You matter! You are here for a purpose! Be all of who you are! Be authentically you!💖💖

WAKING UP

Spring is almost here and I feel like I am awakening from a deep and dark slumber.

Nature is waking up and I feel I am too. It's like I feel the sap running through my branches again, and buds beginning to pop up and out. I actually am starting to feel like I can breathe again. 

One of the buds opening within me, is a renewed interest in life. I am noticing the sky again and watching the trees come to life.  I do believe our bodies emulate the cycle of a tree!! Most trees (except for evergreens) are dormant and naked in winter, and even appear to be dead, when in reality they are only at rest and in a very quiet place. Is this where I have been? In a dormant state of sleep and rest? I have believed for years that our bodies needs to follow the path of nature, but somehow in my illness, I forgot that simple truth. My spirit is reminding me that I have been in a winter's state of being, and eventually winter passes away and spring returns. 

The second bud opening within is a feeling of hope. Even with the horrific wars going on all over the planet, with thousands of innocent souls being slaughtered, I still feel hope for mankind and for myself.

I even have hope, while in the middle of watching the great political divide, and the effort to destroy democracy playing out across our country. I feel sad over the news of it all, and cry a lot for the suffering of humanity, but know what I am called to do, is to stand in light and love.  And, I still have hope.

I realize the reason I still have hope is because in spite of the ugliness and hatred, I continuously encounter kindness and civility. No matter where I go, I ALWAYS encounter kindness. It seems the people I run into in the grocery store, doctors office, Lowes, restaurants, and wherever else I may wind up, are  all considerate and kind. This gives me hope that though ugliness and evil  are rearing its head, kindness and consideration are still alive and well in the soul of many. I do not remember a time in my life when I have heard so many meaningful , "I'm sorry", "may I help you reach that?", "you go first" and other words of human kindness. This gives me great hope.

The third bud blossoming within is joy, just for being alive, and having the ability to see, hear and smell the dawning of spring. When I step outside and walk around my yard, I see life popping up all over. My lilac bush is full of buds, my tulips are pushing through the dirt, my mums are greening at the base and my butterfly bushes are preparing to blossom.  Watching nature wake up and fill the earth with its many colors and smells, gives me great joy.

I feel like I am waking up from a long slumber, where I have been void of hope and joy, where shortness of breath. exhaustion and brain fog, and physical pain have been my constant companions.  While in this place I have had much doubt that I would ever feel better again, or that I would live to see the end of 2024.  My good days are getting a little better and my not so good days are not quite as bad as they have been, and for that I am very grateful.  

Today I feel alive, I have hope for myself, my country, humanity and the planet. The sap is running through my veins, and I am so delighted to be able to say with great meaning-Happy awakening and happy spring to all!! 

OUR STORIES

 

This is a continuation of my blog from last week, "Missing for a While and Yet I Rise."

 As I was coming out of the dark place I had been in, I noticed my longing for clarity. I wanted some insight into what was going on in my life. I knew I was in a place that was pregnant with healing possibilities; I just did not know how to see, hear or receive what was there for the taking. The darkness was so thick it was hard to see the light.

 One of the physical ailments I had been enduring for quite some time, was having a very stiff, painful neck.  As it began to dawn on me how much I was suffering with my neck, I had an ah-ha moment.  I realized I was being stiff necked about something. I was resisting seeing or knowing something that was in front of me.  What was it?

Finally, the answers started to come. As my sister friends began to ask me, "why didn't you tell me what was going on with you?", I began to see something. What I saw was, when I am in deep emotional and/or physical pain, I have a problem with reaching out to others.  However, if you reach in to me, I will and can respond. So, while I was sitting in pain and darkness and not reaching out to others, I was living in the story of, "nobody cares", "I don't matter" and "I am not important."

This story stems from childhood where I learned to take my emotional pain to my bedroom and cry into my pillow. Or, I learned to stifle it and hold back the tears in fear of being told, "if you don't stop that crying I will give you something to cry about."

When I was a child and I was in pain, I really believed no one cared. I do not remember being held or nurtured when I was suffering. Of course, when I fell off my bike and injured myself, my wounds were taken care of, but my soul wounds were ignored. No one in my family knew what to do for a child who was suffering deep emotional wounding. So, I knew better than to reach out to anyone because that was not allowed. Besides, I did not know how to put words to the sorrow and grief I carried over having my daddy ripped out of my life, and then being told he did not care about me.

I have learned over the years, since I put my foot on this soul healing journey, that our stories rule and inform our lives. As we grow in age, and maybe maturity, we do not just drop our stories. These stories are embedded in our brain, cells, muscles, bones and entire being. We live our stories. 

Our stories are formed according to how we perceive our experiences.  If we are ignored, our story might be that we do not matter, or no one cares. If we are abused physically, mentally or sexually, our story might be that we have no value or worth. If we are not as important as a brother or sister, our story might be that we are less than, or we can't measure up.  If we are constantly being made to feel no matter what we do it is never right, or never quite good enough, our story might be that we have to do more or be more. The stories we tell ourselves as a child in order to survive and somehow make sense of our experience becomes a way of life for us.

Unless, and until, we pay attention to our life, we may never become aware of which story is running our life. In that case, the same old story continues to play in a loop in the background and our life continues to be informed by it.

We are never too old, and it is never too late, to pay attention to that subconscious message that is running our life. That message that makes us think there is never enough, we have to be in control, we can't ask for what we need, we can't stop and take a breath and we have to earn the right to be here. 

I am very grateful to have been given the insight as to what is going on in my life that has been keeping me stuck in a hard, dark place. I was asking Spirit for an answer, some clarity for healing. One night, towards the middle of February, I woke up startled. I had been in the middle of an important dream and I needed to remember it. 

I got out of bed, came to the kitchen table, opened my journal and began to write about my dream.  Towards the end of writing, I had a flash of insight and immediately saw what Spirit was wanting me to see. 

In my dream there was a little girl who kept following me. I was somewhere out west. I knew she wanted something from me but I kept pushing her away. No matter where I went, she showed up. I was irritated with her cause she would not leave me alone.

My flash of insight showed me that this little girl represented me. She was clamoring for attention. She wanted to be seen and heard. Her need for attention upset me and made me uncomfortable. I wanted her to go away. 

As I sat with this, knowing this was me, I saw that she was showing me that unhealed part of myself that needed to know I mattered, needed to know it was okay to cry and let my pain be known to those around me, even if others cannot acknowledge my sadness and pain. I saw how beautiful, tender and precious I was and how much I mattered. 

Sobbing, I figuratively took that little girl in my arms and told her I was here for her; I saw her and heard her need to know she was important. I also let her know she deserved to be loved, nurtured and cared for, that softness and vulnerability was okay and that I would not abandon her.

Since going through this enlightening process, I feel better in my body and my soul. I know that as I continuously change the tape that is my story, I will continue to heal body, soul and spirit. Healing is happening!!!

OUT WITH 2023-IN WITH 2024

 

2023 was a year of ups and downs, but then, when I think about my life, I see that every year is a year of ups and downs. I think that is life is general.  We all have good times and we have times that are not so good. I believe the gift in this is to learn to be with what is, roll with the punches, and go with the flow. We can fight life, or we can embrace what is and be at peace.

In retrospect, one of the best things to happen in 2023, was Paul getting a job driving locally so he could be home every night. What a difference this has made in our lives. I love knowing when he leaves for work in the morning, he is coming home later in the day. It was a hard time for us when he was on the road and was only home on weekends. We are both grateful for the change in his work life.

The most difficult part of 2023 has been dealing with my constant physical issues, which started in the spring of 2022. I spent part of this year seeing specialists, like a pulmonologist and cardiologist. I had lung function testing done, two CT scans of my lungs, an echogram and a heart cath to check for blockages in my heart. Everything checked out okay, save for a few minor issues, but I was, and still am, short of breath upon the slightest exertion, tired a lot, and usually in a brain fog. I have a few neurological issues and nerve issues in my body, I’ve lost my sense of taste, and I have occasional insomnia. By summer, I realized the medical industry had no answers or diagnosis for me, so I began earnestly the task of advocating for myself. I did mention my deep concern that I had long covid to my specialists and my PCP, however, no one had any response or answers. 

I spent the last six months of 2023 researching long covid, talking to people who have it, joining long covid groups, reading newsletters from long covid clinics and research organizations and paying close attention to my body. Over this year, I have become aware of how prevalent this virus is (long covid) and what others are doing to help with all of the debilitating symptoms.

I put myself into a Carda Care program, which is three times a week pulmonary rehab class. I started on an essential oils program to help with the breathing issues, added NAC (N-acetyl-L cystine, an amino acid) to my daily regimen and recently added Alpha Lipoic acid and Co-Q-10 to the mix. I am seeing slight changes in my body and my symptoms, however I feel like I take one step forward followed by two steps back. Regardless, I continue to read and study the research that is available. All I can do is all I can do, and I still hope I will eventually see the return of my ability to breath easily upon exertion, and gradually have my stamina return.

On a good note, in March I met two new sister friends here in Fredericksburg and they have really added to my joy and to my life. It is nice to have women of like mind to have lunch with and just to hang out with.

In May, my oldest great granddaughter graduated from high school and we made a trip to New Orleans so we could be there to celebrate her and her achievements. When we got home from that trip, my oldest granddaughter, who had been living with us for nine months, left to go home to New Orleans. It was hard to see her go.

I started organizing my second book in September and have been steadily working on it. It will be an anthology for and about women, so I am enjoying reading the stories that have been submitted for inclusion in the book.

In October, Paul and I went to Baltimore to see Queen, which was one of my dreams.  I really enjoy their music and had a Queen concert on my bucket list. Also, in October, we had our second annual women’s gathering at the beach. It was such a treat to spend 3 days with six incredible women.

We had another lovely family Thanksgiving and Christmas and ended the year on a mixture of a high and a low. Paul and I, and other family members, all came down with the flu, and I am still dealing with a bad cough. 

Then, on the 30th we picked up our new fur baby, Wally. He is a seven week old pup and is a one man wrecking ball. Yesterday afternoon, in desperation for a break, I ordered an animal playpen for him, which will be delivered tomorrow. I forgot what it was like to train a two year old child, and this puppy does remind me of an undisciplined, curious, bottomless pit of energy, two year old child. Oyvey!!

So, 2023 was a full year. Life seemed busier, even though I wasn't doing more; in fact, I am doing less. It just seems the days do not last as long, even though, to the best of my knowledge, there are still twenty-four hours in a day. I attribute the quickened passage of time to an increase in the Schumann’s Resonance.

I wish I could say I look forward to 2024, but I really do not. In a perfect world, I would be restored to a place of good physical health, the world would be at peace, or at least the inhabitants of this country would be at peace, and I would not have this innate feeling that I need to buckle up for what is coming.

However, in spite of what it is like out there, I am grateful for my beloved husband, my awesome children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren (and my two nephews), supportive and caring sister friends, and the knowledge that in my core, no matter what is going on out there, all is well within.

I pray the new year will bring you peace and joy along with the knowledge that you matter, and you are loved!!  Out with the old and in with the new!! Happy New Year..  

WOMEN SPEAKING UP

 

I am watching, in awe, the women of this country stand up, and stand together, to make their voices heard. Women are saying, "We will not go backwards." "We will not be silent." "We will not let others dictate to us what we can and cannot do with our bodies." " We demand the sane autonomy that men have."

Women are speaking up, marching in the streets and going to the polls in droves, in order to be heard. The days of women sitting silently by as the patriarchy attempts to keep them in their place, is coming to an end, We are standing up for the right to be treated as an equal.

Back in my day, the 1940's and 50's, most women were taught that our place was in the home creating a nice, clean space for the king to be in when he got home, in the kitchen preparing family meals, a cooperative partner in the bedroom who did not have the right to say "no," and the one responsible for raising the children. PLEASE HEAR ME CLEARLY!!  There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker. I stayed home taking care of my children until my baby was in Junior High. I loved my role as a homemaker and still have the highest respect for women who choose to be homemakers. 

My message to women in this specific blog is this. You are a first class citizen. You are not inferior. You are not chattel. You are not owned by anyone. You have a voice and it is okay to use it. You can speak softly or you can holler into a megaphone. Either is okay.

Let me say this again. When I speak or write about the patriarchy, I am not talking about men in general. I love men. I honor and respect men. What I do not honor is the patriarchy, which includes those men who believe it is their god given right to lord it over women. Women are not here to serve men. We are not here to be conquered or kept in our place. 

We are here to use our power to nurture and care for Self and others, not out of a duty, but out of love and compassion for other humans. We are here to be full of ourselves and to live large, to support the sisterhood, to be the epitome of goodness and kindness, to speak the truth and to stand for justice. 

We have the power of the voice and the vote. Let's use them for the good of women and for the good of all mankind. Speak up ladies!!  You matter!! 

THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE

The holidays are here, which, for me,  means Christmas is almost here.  I remember saying more than once during the year, that before we know it, Christmas will be here. And here it is!! Around the corner. 

Paul and I do not celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, so for us it is more about being with family.  I like any holiday that increases the chances of spending time with family.  All but one Christmas in my life has been celebrated with family.  That year, we were having unresolved family issues, and Paul and I spent the day at the Rescue Mission, serving meals to everyone who walked in the door. That was such a memorable experience, though I was sad because I was not with family.

Because I enjoy looking at lights, I love the tradition of having a Christmas tree. I do not look forward to decorating a tree, but I do look forward to sitting by it every night with the lights plugged in. For me, the saving grace of decorating the tree is getting to hold each ornament and reminisce about where the ornament came from. Some of my ornaments were on the tree when I was a little girl. One day, while visiting my mother, my cousin and I went up in her attic. I found an old box from Krauss Department Store (which closed years ago), tied with a half rotted piece of string. In it, were a dozen red ornaments that were on the tree my grandmother used to decorate.  I also found ornaments that were my mothers, plus some old glass candy canes that were hung on the tree. This is part of my fun of celebrating Christmas, going through each ornament one by one.  

I still enjoy the tradition of sending Christmas cards, and I thoroughly enjoy receiving cards.  I feel a certain amount of sadness every year as the cards that come through the mail get less and less. I think there is something special about sitting down every December and writing personal notes in a Christmas card. But then, I still send birthday cards, get well cards, thinking of you cards and cards for almost any occasion you can think of. I appreciate personal greetings and to me, an electronic card or an email is not the same. 

Paul and I usually spend Christmas Eve night at Mac and Robyn's house.  On Christmas morning, we all gather around the tree with coffee and bloody mary's, or mimosas, and start the long process of opening gifts.  After about 2-3 hours of oohs and aahs, we have a bite to eat, get dressed, load the car, and head to Robyn's mom and dad's house, where we spend the day. 

One thing I really miss on Christmas is not having all of my children with me. I still hold out hope that one year we will be able to have a family gathering for the Christmas holiday. That would include my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. That would be a dream come true!!

No matter which holiday you might be celebrating, I wish every one of you, my readers, a happy and love-filled holiday season.  May your hearts be warmed and filled with the gifts of peace, joy, love, gratitude and everlasting kindness.

I pray everyone gets to gather for their holiday celebration with those they love. 

Happy Holidays to all. 💖💗💕

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

How do you treat yourself? Do you speak soft, encouraging words to yourself, or do you call yourself names and put yourself down? Do you nurture your body and give it what it needs? Do you feed it healthy foods, give it rest when it is tired, water when it is thirsty and warmth and comfort when it is needed? Do you pay attention to your soul needs for quiet, downtime, introspection and lots of love?

It is important to treat ourselves as we want and need to be treated. To be kind and generous to Self. This is part of keeping ourselves in grace as opposed to aggressing against our self. 

As children, many of us were not taught, or even encouraged, to care for Self. We were pushed to do more, to pay attention, and to do as we were told. Get up, make your bed, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, sweep the garage etc. were familiar messages for many. Sometimes these were commands, sometimes requests, and often said with a sting of reproach if we did not want to do what was expected. There certainly is nothing wrong with a parent teaching a child to be productive; it becomes harmful to the child when the parent says or does things that makes the child feel something is wrong with them if they do not want to do what they are told to do. Often, in the parent's desire to mold the child into a productive person, they fail to see who the child is, or to hear what the child needs. Children's feelings, thoughts and desires can be overlooked, or even ignored, and treated as unimportant, which is detrimental to the development of the child. 

Generally, parents do not intend to hurt their children's psyches. The intention usually is to make the child conform to what it wants the child to be. Unfortunately, often parents do not know who their child is here to be or what the childs' sacred calling is, so they do what they think they are supposed to do if they are a good parent, and that is to mold the child into an image of their definition of success. 

Is it any wonder we grow up conforming to the desires of others?  

I know too many men and women who drive themselves to be more and to do more, while ignoring the cry of their soul to be quiet, rest awhile and come home to their authentic Self. They do this, not because they long to be busy, but because it is how they were taught to be when they were a child.

Our soul calls us home to a place of peace and contentment, but we can't hear the call when we are too busy trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  

Whoever you are, and wherever your are, you deserve to live in love, and to walk in your sacred purpose. Listen to what your body is telling you, Offer yourself big, healthy doses of nurturing and comfort. Wrap your arms around yourself and give YOU a hug. Put your hands on your heart and softly whisper to yourself, "I am here", "I love you", "I see you". 

Stop, and ask yourself, "What do I need in this moment?"  "How do I feel in this moment?" Asking questions can be good, and answering honestly can be enlightening. 

Come home to yourself. You deserve to be seen and heard and to know you matter. You deserve to live large and inhabit your purpose. I know you matter greatly. Do you know how much you matter?

LISTENING

 "When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do-just hear me."   On Listening by Ralph Roughton

I do believe listening is a skill many do not have. We are taught to read and write. We are taught how to pronounce words and speak correctly. But, there are few classes on how to listen.

When I owned my management consulting firm, I used to write and present seminars and workshops. One of the favorites for me to present, and for the participants, was "Communication." It seemed to be an eye-opener for many to come to the understanding that they lacked the skill of listening. 

Some listening statistics:

Approximately 55% of our total communication time is spent listening.
On the average, Americans listen at an effective rate of only 25% and our immediate recall of the average brief message is 50%.
Within 48 hours we tend to forget 25% of what we heard
85% of what we know we learn by listening.

Listening is the total process of understanding the meaning conveyed by another. Therefore, to really hear what someone is saying we need to commit more than our sense of hearing to the process. We need to listen with our eyes watching for facial expressions, body language and gestures. We also need to listen with our heart so we can hear what's not being said.

We stop listening, or just don't listen, for many reasons. When I was a child and I was being lectured to, I'd hear what was being said with my ears, but the message went in one ear and out the other. The reason I didn't listen was because of the trigger words that were being used. 

Most of us. whether we are children or adults, respond negatively and stop listening when we hear the phrases: you should, you shouldn't, you always or you never. These are words that make most of us go deaf because we immediately have our anger or shame issues triggered by the words or phrases. 

Have you ever been trying to tell someone how you feel about something and wind up being hollered at, or put down by the other person? Have you ever tried expressing your feelings to another and have them tell you not to feel the way you feel? This is what happens when we do not know how to really listen and hear what someone is saying. 

When my husband and I first got serious about each other we made an agreement to communicate fairly and honestly. We agreed we would not use the words should, shouldn't, always or never in our debates or disagreements. Making blanket statements are unfair and almost always end in an argument or a shut down. Besides, what's true for most of us is we don't always, seldom never, and really, how could you possibly know what I should or shouldn't do. 

I believe many relationships fail because of lack of listening, and in many cases, due to lack of knowing how to say what we feel. When our statements to others are criticizing and demeaning, the listener jumps on the defense and cannot hear what is being said. When we are able to speak softly, and without blame, letting the other person know how we feel and what we need, without making them wrong and blaming them for how we feel, we can usually be heard. 

Sharing feelings and needs, and learning to listen to others, are a large part of what makes a relationship healthy and satisfying. It is never too late to start the practice of honing our listening skills. Start today. Put down whatever it is that you are doing and pay attention to others when they speak. Really listen!! Listen with your heart, not just your ears. You may be surprised at what you hear and what you learn when you start to listen. 

WE ALL NEED TO BE HEARD 💖💗💞