DOWN TIME

DOWN TIME

 "When someone knocks on your door, think that he's about to give you something large:

Tell you you're forgiven, or that it'ss snot necessary to work all the time,

Or that it's been decided that if you lie down no one will die."

Lasst stanza of Things to Think by Robert Bly

What really hit me while reading this poem was the ending, "if you lie down no one will die."

That's a big, huge life-changing thought for those of us who were taught that idleness is the devil's workshop, that we do not deserve to "do nothing" because we have to earn the right to be here. I was taught to stay busy in many ways. I do not remember anyone telling me I had to save the world, or be all things to all people, or be the only one who knew how to do sonething right so I could not step back and rest, that chores came before play or rest or that to rest meant I was lazy.  I developed those beliefs from lived experiences in my family home and from  family, religious and societal rules. I learned that rewards and acceptance were tied to my doing, not to my being. 

I am only now, at 84, learning that it is okay to listen to my body and give it what itt needs. It is still hard for ne to slow down and just stop everything to sit on the deck in the sunshine and enjoy nature, or to kick back in my recliner and take an afternoon nap, or to shut down my laptop at 4:00 and go out on my porch with a martini and a good book. 

Because of my life experiences I am driven, and I am a driver. I see it, I know it and I acknowledge it. I am actively involved in letting that part of me be okay, while gently practicing putting that doing part of me to rest. It is not easy!!

It is a total mindshift for me to "get" that if I lie down, no one will die, nor will the world stop turning. So, I am retraining myself to stop at a certain point and let it all go. I no longer find it necessary to make my bed every day. Will the world go to pieces if I do not nake my bed? I think not. I have made it okay to go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. When I first gave myself permission to do this I was amazed that the house was still standing, even with dishes in the sink. 

Yes, life does go on, even when we decide to give ourselves a break and stop for a while. Be good to yourself, honor your body and its needs and see what a difference it makes to your quality of life.  When you give yourself time to "be", to sit quietly, you open a space within for clarity and peace.

Only you can give yourself the love gift of creating down time for yourself. You deserve it!!

YOU MATTER GREATLY  💖

DISAPPOINTING OTHERS

 

DISAPPOINTING OTHERS

I have been thinking about a line in Oriah Mountain Dreamer's poem,, The Invitation.

    "It doesn't interest me if the story you are tellig me is true. I want to know if you can 

    disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and

    not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and trustworthy."

These verses have resurfaced in my mind as I have pondered some recent happenings in my life and in the lives of those around me.

It is a risky act to do what feels right for self, and in that action to disappoint another. It is risky to say no when we know soneone is waiting for us to say yes, because it is what they need to hear. We put ourselves at risk often when we tell the truth about what we think, feel or believe. I am becoming increasingly aware of when others do not really want to hear my truth about what I feel, dislike or like because they need me to like or dislike what they like or dislike. 

As humans, we tend to become disappointed, and sometimes even angry, when otthers do not agree with what we see or feel. I believe we all do this to a certain extent and instead of letting otthers have their own feelings and thoughts about life, behaviors, attitudes and beliefs, we becone disappointed. Hurt often accompanies disappointment. 

I am seeing what a great burden we place on others when we require them to agree with us and say and do what we need and expect them to do or say. It is an unfair burden and though it is usually done without any forethought or malice, it is nevertheless placing an unfair burden on someone else. 

I remember when I first read the lines from the quote above, how confused I felt by it. I had a difficult time making sense of disappointing another to be true to myself.  Because I spent so much of my life as a "yes" person in my need for approval  it was next to impossible for me to disagree and i.e. disappoint another.  Being disapproved of was too great a risk for me.

Gratefully as I grow within myself and learn to be with who I am, I am coming to a place of understanding the importance of authenticity and how sometimes I have to say no. Learning to be true to myself means speaking truth and doing the hard thing....even when and if it disappoints another.

Those who know me know I am about love and kindness. I enjoy seeing people happy and I readily admit that it feels good to be liked and approved. I don't like disappointing others, however I like even less the feeling I have when I betray myself by pretending to be other than who I am. 

I want to be seen as trustworthy-- one who, when asked the hard questions, I can answer truthfully and always with love and compassion.