I have been thinking about a line in Oriah Mountain Dreamer's poem,, The Invitation.
"It doesn't interest me if the story you are tellig me is true. I want to know if you can
disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and
not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and trustworthy."
These verses have resurfaced in my mind as I have pondered some recent happenings in my life and in the lives of those around me.
It is a risky act to do what feels right for self, and in that action to disappoint another. It is risky to say no when we know soneone is waiting for us to say yes, because it is what they need to hear. We put ourselves at risk often when we tell the truth about what we think, feel or believe. I am becoming increasingly aware of when others do not really want to hear my truth about what I feel, dislike or like because they need me to like or dislike what they like or dislike.
As humans, we tend to become disappointed, and sometimes even angry, when otthers do not agree with what we see or feel. I believe we all do this to a certain extent and instead of letting otthers have their own feelings and thoughts about life, behaviors, attitudes and beliefs, we becone disappointed. Hurt often accompanies disappointment.
I am seeing what a great burden we place on others when we require them to agree with us and say and do what we need and expect them to do or say. It is an unfair burden and though it is usually done without any forethought or malice, it is nevertheless placing an unfair burden on someone else.
I remember when I first read the lines from the quote above, how confused I felt by it. I had a difficult time making sense of disappointing another to be true to myself. Because I spent so much of my life as a "yes" person in my need for approval it was next to impossible for me to disagree and i.e. disappoint another. Being disapproved of was too great a risk for me.
Gratefully as I grow within myself and learn to be with who I am, I am coming to a place of understanding the importance of authenticity and how sometimes I have to say no. Learning to be true to myself means speaking truth and doing the hard thing....even when and if it disappoints another.
Those who know me know I am about love and kindness. I enjoy seeing people happy and I readily admit that it feels good to be liked and approved. I don't like disappointing others, however I like even less the feeling I have when I betray myself by pretending to be other than who I am.
I want to be seen as trustworthy-- one who, when asked the hard questions, I can answer truthfully and always with love and compassion.
