YOU ARE.....

You are......Worthy, lovable, deserving of peace and awesome.

No matter what you do, what your job is, how much you own, how big or small your house is, how much or how little money you have, or what kind of car you drive. No matter what!! You are a worthwhile human who matters. How do I know this? Because we are all created by the creator in the image of the creator. We are all spirit beings in a human body, here on planet earth, having a human experience. We tend to forget our inherent self-worth when we get entangled in the lower reaches of our humanity and forget we are living, breathing souls walking around in a human body.

I lived for years out of a deep sense of unworthiness and shame. I knew all the things I had done and said, as a human, over the years. I said many unkind things to many people, I reacted often in anger and self-righteousness, I did things that were unbecoming and I reacted too many times in ugliness. I self-aggressed through giving others control of my body so I could have a few minutes of acceptance, through eating unhealthy foods and burning the candle at both ends. I put myself in harms way by acting stupidly with no thought of what the outcome might be.

I didn't do it all, but I did a lot. And I did it all with no realization that I was self-aggressing, and definitely no idea at all that underneath all the indignities and harm I put myself through, there was a worthwhile being living in my body. I did not know that I deserved to be nurtured, treated kindly and loved for who I was.

It was the early 1980's when I consciously realized something was missing. I had already left organized religion and was flirting with new age beliefs. I had completed the est training and was slowly waking up to life, spirituality and myself.  I was on a journey of self-realization and did not know it at the time. I longed for authenticity and somehow knew in order to be authentic, I would have to find out who I really was underneath all the crap I lived out of and believed to be true. I wanted to reach a higher level of consciousness because somehow I knew there was more to life than what I knew and believed. I put my foot on the path to uncovering myself, healing my childhood wounds and finding my self-worth.

I have been on this path for forty-three years and am still uncovering pieces of myself that were tucked away deep within my being.  I have learned first hand how we tuck away and deeply cover over the parts of us that others say, by word or deed, are unlovable and unacceptable parts. I am talking about those parts like: you are lazy, stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, skinny, a slut or a Romeo, too short or too tall, not like your brother, sister or cousin, or too much like your mom, dad or other family member, you can't do anything right, your nose is too big, you are mean, etc. I hope you get the drift. 

I want to be clear that words and deeds that affect our sense of self-worth are not always spoken in anger. Most parents do love their children and have no intention of harming their child. However, most parents also have a deep (usually unspoken and often unacknowledged) desire for the child to be a certain way. This is where the problem comes in. Unavailable, or unwilling to face their own pain, they live with unhealed childhood wounds and act out of their own wounding. It is just what we do, without meaning to destroy a child's self-worth, and cause the child to think something is flawed within. As children, we usually bend to the status quo because that is how we get the approval we need from our caretakers. 

And, so the cycle continues. Deeply wounded people with low self worth create more deeply wounded people with low self worth. I know so many who are trapped in their shame based life who either go within and are too afraid to use their voice, and they become silent.  Or they become hooked on control as a way of believing they are always right.  That way they can pretend they have good self worth. I leaned more towards the latter, but was silent a lot also for fear of saying something that would make someone not like me. It really is a vicious cycle, but thankfully its a cycle that can be broken. 

The best part of my healing journey,  and the most painful part, has been and still is, going within and identifying my core issues so I can bring them to light. This is called shadow work. This is where I am seeing my true self and giving myself permission to be who I am, forgiving myself and loving myself as I am, with all of my flaws. I am learning to allow myself to be perfectly imperfect.

I am now at a place where I can acknowledge anger, shame, anxiety, fear, brokenness, sadness or any of the "negative" emotions we humans usually do not want to be associated with. I am learning that whatever I feel is okay. It is just what I feel and to make some feelings good and some bad is part of the low self worth cycle. Because we may have been taught that something is wrong with us if we feel a certain way does not mean it is true. I have been taught many things in life by well meaning people that I have found out are not true. When we can give self permission to feel whatever we feel without making self wrong, we can be real. 

As I have said before, "The more I know, the more I know how much I don't know. But, what I do know, I know." And, this is something I know: underneath our angst, doubt, fear and worry lies a deep vein of love, peace and joy. It is there, often buried under the stories we tell ourselves about life. Be willing to mine for the gold, mine for the diamonds. What we all long for is already here,  stuffed under the buried, but still there, parts we consider unacceptable.

Know this:

You are.... a worthwhile human, a lovable soul, you deserve to be at peace within. You deserve to know and honor your worth. You are loved, loving and lovable.

YOU MATTER GREATLY!!