SO LONG 2025-HELLO 2026

 

SO LONG 2025, HELLO 2026

2025 is on its way out and I am shedding no tears as it walks out the door and into the past. The year was both good and not so good. In numerology, the year 2025 was a 9 year which means it carried the energy of endings, completions, and undoing. I gladly say goodbye to this year. 2026, which is a 1 year carries the energy of new beginnings, a starting point. I am looking forward to this year to see where the journey will take me, my loved ones, friends and my country. 

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Because I do believe every upset is a set up, and the treasure is often hidden in the dark,  I have been able to make it through the year with faith and hope still alive in my being. When life seems to be going south, I have a tendency, after I rebound from the hit, to look for the treasure hidden in the experience.  It seems I have done quite a bit of treasure hunting this year.

I experienced my share of days, and even weeks of feeling emptied out this year. I have not written or posted on this blog since March, 2025. I wanted to write but felt empty of words, thoughts, insights or imaginations. For a while, I really tried to manufacture something, but finally gave in to the inner knowing  that I needed to leave it alone and let it be.  This was hard for me because as a writer, I need to write. However, when there are no words, writing is impossible. I actually have had moments of thinking perhaps my love of writing and creating were at an end and I would never write again. 

I have been here before so I was familiar with the call to step aside and quit trying. When I gave up my resistance to going back into the emptiness and the no-thingness, I felt better and rested in the stage of life I found myself in.

Emptiness not only hit me in the area of writing, it also hit hard in my physical well being. Long haul covid continued to take its toll on me and added to that was degenerative disc disease in my C4-6. I suffered a lot and after months of pain management, I decided to see an orthopedic surgeon. In October I had an anterior discectomy and fusion. The recovery process of almost three months really hit me hard and there were times when I doubted I would ever feel good again. Once again, I finally gave up my resistance to feeling bad and went with the flow. I am now in physical therapy to regain my range of motion in my neck and to strengthen my neck, arms and back muscles.

The uptick in cruelty and just plain ugliness  from the top down in our country has thrown me for a loop. For a while, I felt like I had lost my balance and saw no hope for the saving of our democracy. However, as I gave up that struggle and decided to be an active participant in standing and marching for what my heart longs for, I began to see some light. Seeing the massive peaceful protests taking place on a daily basis in every corner of the country has filled me with hope.  I now believe the people can make a difference.

Through all of this, I have once again found the fullness that is present in the emptiness. There is no empty space. What looks and feels like it is empty, is really full. If nothing else, the emptiness is full of emptiness, and that is okay. I have continued to learn through experience that if I quit resisting what is, I can live in continued contentment and peace. 

If it feels empty, embrace it....let it be. If it feels like all creative energy has gone away, embrace it...let it be. If it feels like I will never regain my physical health and well being, embrace it....let it be.

Emptiness, aloneness, lack of motivation, doubt, the carrying out of cruelty to other humans and/or life forms used to worry me and cause me a lot of angst. Thankfully, I am learning to just let it be. Sometimes I cry my way through whatever is going on, other times I just sit with the sickness I feel inside over where life is taking me and over what is happening in my body, my country and the world.

My intentions, as we move into new 2026 energy, are to live life to the fullest, to continue to be aware of resistance to life and to give it up, to love myself unconditionally and to walk in light, love and kindness. 

Happy 2026!! May your journey through the year be light, bright, joyful and peaceful. 

Bye-Bye to 2024

2024 has been one of the busiest years I can remember. It has been a year filled with activity, fun, a lot of visitors, travel, sadness, sickness, loss and gain, darkness followed by insight, disappointment, hope, anger, and yet, through it all, I have had peace within. 

I finished putting together my new book, an anthology for and about women. Thanks to the 22 women who courageously wrote their stories and submitted them to me, I have an inspiring book to offer the women of the world. Hopefully, it will be published in 2025. My new book title is From There to Here.

My year started with my catching the flu and feeling really bad. At the same time, Paul and I adopted a rambunctious, strong-willed puppy. As our puppy physically grew and got bigger and stronger, so did his strong will. Finally, after six week of training and his pulling me and walking me, we decided we needed to rehome him. We had both fallen in love with him but I knew I could not handle him. He went to a really good home and whenever I hear from the people who took him, he seems to be happy and a part of their family. 

In March, after a CT scan of my lungs, I was told I had a sessile mass in the first portion of my duodenum and I needed to have an endoscopy to see what it was. For some reason, this did not ring true for me. After being sent to a GI doctor who strongly suggested the endoscopy, I agreed to have the procedure done. On the day of the test, I told the doctor I was there so we could all rule out that there was a mass. I felt it was a shadow on the scan. I was right! There was no mass, so that was put to bed. Hallelujah.

Thanks to my son, Mac, we saw a lot of live theater this year. We started the year with The Simon and Garfunkel Story, followed by Life and Times of the Temptations, Jersey Boys (for the 3rd time), To Kill a Mockingbird, Celtic Women, Frankie Valli and Mama Mia. 

Our home seemed to be filled with guests all throughout the year, plus we did a fair bit of traveling. In May one of my granddaughters got married so the family met in Charlotte, NC for a couple of days. In July, we flew to North Georgia for a 4th of July family reunion. In August, I rode to Boone, NC with a friend and spent 4 days with a close sister friend and also spent the night in Abingdon with my daughter, Angela. I flew to New Orléans in August to be with my great-grandson on his 15th birthday. In October, I drove to Pennsylvania to spend 4 days with another sister friend. It was a busy year.

In March, we began the construction of our new screened in porch and deck. Paul designed and built it so we were involved every weekend for 3 months. Because we were so involved in this project we did not get to take our annual motorcycle vacation. 

This year, I learned to deal better and more consciously with my long covid and its myriad symptoms. I am happy to report that for the most part the extreme fatigue is gone. I still get tired and have to get in  my recliner for a nap and a rest, but that is nowhere near as bad as it had been. I now use a broncho-dilator to help open my airways and that that has helped me to breathe a little easier. Since the medical profession has no answers,I am learning to manage this disease by advocating for myself. I read clinical trial results, I am active on long covid websites and I now take different medicinal mushrooms, which seem to be helping in some areas. 

I consider 2024 to be a good year, one that I have enjoyed immensely. It has probably been one of my better years in recent times.

I will be 83 in January and I do look forward to celebrating another trip around the sun, however I am not looking forward to 2025. I strongly sense the incoming tide of darkness, chaos, uncertainty and mayhem that are on the horizon. I have a certain amount of fear and dread over what it looks like is going to happen to Medicare, Social Security, social services for the indigent, insurance for the masses, Medicaid, Head Start for the children and health care for women. I shudder to think that the least of our society, children and the elderly, may no longer be cared for. It sickens me in my gut to know women who are suffering miscarriages are bleeding out in hospital waiting rooms and their own homes because doctors are too afraid to treat them, for fear of going to jail. In my world, this is insanity. Truthfully, I have no hope of this getting better in 2025. 

Even without hope for a better world next year, I am still walking into 2025 filled with love, determination and kindness for the planet and its inhabitants. I am determined to walk and stand in light and to stay present. I pray for courage to stand strong and resist that which is against my values and morals, as I stand strong for the rights of all citizens of this country and the world. We are all members of the same family and what affects the least of us affects us all. 

This will be my last blog of the year, so adios, peace out and I will talk to you next year. 

THE POT DRIPS WHAT IS IN IT

 "The pot leaks what is in it" is an excerpt from one of the poems by Rumi, who happens to be one of my favorite poets. Every time I read these words, something happens in my soul. It's like someone reaches inside and touches me softly and gently and I respond by softening and listening.  What these particular words mean to me is: we manifest what is inherently ours. 

When we are filled with love, we leak love. When we are filled with kindness and tenderness, we leak these virtues.  It comes through our pores. When filled with anger and rage, we leak these feelings onto the world and its inhabitants.

Since we leak whatever we are filled with, it makes sense to me that a desire to be an authentic being is a rational and exceptional desire.  Authenticity does not pretend to love, it is knowing we are love. When we are filled with kindness, we do not have to think about doing acts of kindness, we automatically manifest kindness to all. It is part of the authentic soul.

When we "are filled with something", we can walk into a room and we drip that something without saying a word or doing anything. I know people who actually ooze kindness. When around them I can feel it dripping from their pores. Whether they speak or not I get the benefit of their kindness. I have a granddaughter and a great-granddaughter who both ooze sweetness and kindness.. I tell them often that it oozes out of their pores. When in the presence of Ali and Ceda, I literally feel their sweetness and kindness.. 

MY GRANDDAUGHTER, SWEET ALI

Contrast that with one who harbors anger and rage. What they drip is cruelty, harsh judgment of others, acts of violence and chaos. I have often walked into a room and felt the tension and anger coursing through the air like an electrical current. That is anger dripping from the pot. Others can feel it. It can be sensed, and it becomes part of the energy that surrounds us. 

We are who we are and we are all love beings. We may not feel that way and our pot may not drip love, because the love that we are may be hidden in the darker regions of our souls. It has not yet made it to the surface where it oozes out of us.  Unhealed childhood wounds and unexpressed feelings and thoughts can create a cloud that covers our love for self and for others. Anger and rage that has been stuffed and turned inward will often sit on top of our love and kindness. It's not that we don't feel loving and kind, it's just that the love sits under the undealt with anger.

However, whether love and kindness is clouded, or hidden beneath the undealt with stuff, we are still beings of love.  Imagine a world filled with people who have realized the fullness of their love and kindness. It oozes out of them and touches all that are near.

Be willing to look within and allow the excavation process to begin. Clear out that which is unlike love so you can drip the essence of who you are, an authentic being of love and light.

You are love! You are light! 

                                                MY SWEET GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER, CEDA

WILD GEESE

 

"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile, the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile, the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

Those who know me well, know how much I love Mary Oliver's poetry. I read and copied this poem quite a few years ago, and ran across it this morning. As I read, I was thinking of the message of the poem and wishing everyone could read it, and get it. Following are words of inspiration that were felt in me as I contemplated the meaning of Wild Geese.

No matter who you are, your life matters.

You are important. You are here for a reason, you have a purpose, and what you do with your life makes a difference to everyone on the planet.

No one is here by accident. How we live and move and have our being affects us all. When we choose to live life with love, kindness, compassion and forgiveness, we bless our Self and that blessing flows out to all. We are powerful, creative beings, and when we walk in our truth, and innate power, we affect change in others. When I offer kindness to all of life, life responds in kindness. Whatever I offer, what I give the most of, is what I create in the world.

Like the wild geese, we are all heading home to our true Self, our divinity, our source. I pray our journey is one of consciousness and that we spend our time in love and peace.

You matter, so please treat yourself with honor and respect today. Take care of yourself and walk through the world in love. Smile, offer a helping hand, be forgiving, open a door, make eye contact, pet an animal and hug a tree. Spread peace wherever you are. What you give to one, you give to all, and what you give to others you give to yourself.

Make a difference in the world today and be the change you want to see. 

THE LEADING CAUSES OF LIFE

 I dare say, in our society, most people have heard the phrase, "the leading cause of death".  Some say, the answer is cancer or heart attack. Most are familiar with the phrase because it is talked about by many. Often, following the phrase, is a list of ways to avoid being a victim of the "leading cause." What they don't tell us, or talk about, is "the leading cause of life."

Personally, I am more interested in what will add to my life, than what will possibly cause my death. We will all die. No one is getting out of here alive. That is old news. But, while we are here on this planet, wouldn't it be wonderful to do what it takes to contribute to life? I want to live my best life. I want to be an authentic, truth-telling, life-loving human. My guess is that the majority of humans feel the same way.

I believe, on some level, we are all possessed with the longing to be whole, to fly, to create, to dance, to dream, to paint, to write, to be big and large and full of who we truly are. We are possessed with the desire to live fully. 

There are many causes of life, as there are many causes of death. I consider myself to be a student of life, and over the years have come to the following conclusion. In order for me to live life to the fullest, I need to 1) believe in myself, 2) believe in something greater and larger than myself and 3) love, acknowledge and care for myself.

Believing in myself:  This takes work and commitment. I often have to remind myself that I am not my story or my circumstances. Who I am is a child of creator energy, therefore I am love and lovable, compassionate and kind, a light being who is here to heal and be whole, and to offer all of who I am to the planet and its inhabitants.

Believing in something greater and larger than myself: I definitely believe in divine, benevolent energy,  that fills the universe and therefore fills all of us. I feel the love and kindness that flows from this pervasive energy and immerse myself in it. There are many names for this energy. Some call it God, some Goddess, others Allah. I know many who call it All There Is, Creator, Mother/Father God and Great Spirit. I know this energy on a personal level because I am immersed in it. It is not an entity that sits on a cloud, but rather is warm and loving and allows me to wrap myself in it. 

Loving, acknowledging and caring for myself: I have found, and continue to find, ways to love myself. I believe when we have love for self, not ego love, but love for the divine spirit that inhabits who we are, we cannot help but give love to the world.  Some of the ways I practice loving myself are:

• I seek the healing, insight and support that will help me to release the attitudes and emotions that keep me from experiencing the wonder of my true self.
• I do "nothing" by spending time relaxing, reflecting, and simply being, in order to connect with my higher self.
• I spend time in nature, hugging trees and basking in the beauty and grace of creation.
• I buy clothes that reflect who I am.
• I do my best to uphold my principles and stand for light and life.

My desire is to be fully here, while I am here. With all of this in mind, I have to say, I often miss the boat. I forget who I am and why I am here. I get caught up in bullshit and petty things. I indulge in junk food, not fast food, but junk food like chips and cake and cookies. I sometimes forget we are all children of creator energy. I resist life and what is and fall into darkness and despair. 

But, here's the good part. Somehow, I always return to myself and pick up where I left off. I re-involve myself in practicing the leading causes of life and bask in gratitude for loving, creator energy who always brings me back to myself and to truth. 

Be large!! Be authentic!! Be light and love!!  And, finally, be peace!! What you are is what you give to others...

STILLNESS AND SILENCE

 

"True intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found." Eckhart Tolle

I am being called upon, once again, to return to a place of stillness. Because I have been physically ill for over a year and a half, and the medical industry has no answers for me, I have gotten into the habit of busily searching for a solution. In my quest to find answers to questions of, "What is wrong with me?" and "How do I heal my body from all of these debilitating symptoms?", I have become busy. I spend a lot of time reading and researching long covid websites. I joined a group of Survivors of Long Covid. I have gotten involved in research groups. I question others and listen carefully to what they have found to help ease the symptoms and attack the virus. I have tried different remedies, and some work and some don't. I have tried what the medical industry suggested, which was an inhaler, a nebulizer, and a respiratory rehab program. Neither helped, even though the rehab program did help to increase my core strength.

I finally remembered to STOP and return to the practice of stillness again. I quit the constant research, I gave up the hours spent reading about the virus' long term effects and how others were handling it all. I decided to settle on a daily regimen of supplements that seem to help ease some of the symptoms.  Besides my regular supplements, I take N-Acetyl L Cystine, Alpha Lipoic Acid and Quinol every day. I also recently added mushroom tinctures, Lions Mane and Turkey Tail Plus ,to my daily intake. These all help to a certain extent. 

However, I do believe the best relief I have gotten is from returning to a place of stillness, quiet and presence. I am back to resting my body more, listening carefully to the cues it is giving me about what I need, and what I don't need, watching what I eat, and being kind and gentle to myself. 

I find myself spending more time hugging my favorite tree, giving it love and gratitude while I draw strength from it, sitting quietly watching and listening to the birds at their feeders and sitting outside in the sun. I also am allowing myself much more time to commune with my sisters and spend time in their presence. 

Occasionally, I will tune in to the survivors websites and read their stories, or read about the latest clinical trials being done concerning long covid. Mostly, though I am trusting Spirit to lead me to where I need to go for help, and to give me wisdom and insight to know what choices to make for my health. 

I love stillness. I love quiet. I seldom turn my TV on in the daytime because I find comfort in silence. I notice the ticking of the clock, the sound of my cat scratching in her litter box, the squabbling of the squirrels as they chase each other up and down the trees, and the sounds of my neighborhood. 

Silence is golden, and I am grateful for the reminder to "just be quiet", trust, and let it be.  I believe stillness and quiet is a gift, that is there for the taking. It is up to each soul to choose it. It works for me, so I choose it with gratitude. 💖

WAKING UP

Spring is almost here and I feel like I am awakening from a deep and dark slumber.

Nature is waking up and I feel I am too. It's like I feel the sap running through my branches again, and buds beginning to pop up and out. I actually am starting to feel like I can breathe again. 

One of the buds opening within me, is a renewed interest in life. I am noticing the sky again and watching the trees come to life.  I do believe our bodies emulate the cycle of a tree!! Most trees (except for evergreens) are dormant and naked in winter, and even appear to be dead, when in reality they are only at rest and in a very quiet place. Is this where I have been? In a dormant state of sleep and rest? I have believed for years that our bodies needs to follow the path of nature, but somehow in my illness, I forgot that simple truth. My spirit is reminding me that I have been in a winter's state of being, and eventually winter passes away and spring returns. 

The second bud opening within is a feeling of hope. Even with the horrific wars going on all over the planet, with thousands of innocent souls being slaughtered, I still feel hope for mankind and for myself.

I even have hope, while in the middle of watching the great political divide, and the effort to destroy democracy playing out across our country. I feel sad over the news of it all, and cry a lot for the suffering of humanity, but know what I am called to do, is to stand in light and love.  And, I still have hope.

I realize the reason I still have hope is because in spite of the ugliness and hatred, I continuously encounter kindness and civility. No matter where I go, I ALWAYS encounter kindness. It seems the people I run into in the grocery store, doctors office, Lowes, restaurants, and wherever else I may wind up, are  all considerate and kind. This gives me hope that though ugliness and evil  are rearing its head, kindness and consideration are still alive and well in the soul of many. I do not remember a time in my life when I have heard so many meaningful , "I'm sorry", "may I help you reach that?", "you go first" and other words of human kindness. This gives me great hope.

The third bud blossoming within is joy, just for being alive, and having the ability to see, hear and smell the dawning of spring. When I step outside and walk around my yard, I see life popping up all over. My lilac bush is full of buds, my tulips are pushing through the dirt, my mums are greening at the base and my butterfly bushes are preparing to blossom.  Watching nature wake up and fill the earth with its many colors and smells, gives me great joy.

I feel like I am waking up from a long slumber, where I have been void of hope and joy, where shortness of breath. exhaustion and brain fog, and physical pain have been my constant companions.  While in this place I have had much doubt that I would ever feel better again, or that I would live to see the end of 2024.  My good days are getting a little better and my not so good days are not quite as bad as they have been, and for that I am very grateful.  

Today I feel alive, I have hope for myself, my country, humanity and the planet. The sap is running through my veins, and I am so delighted to be able to say with great meaning-Happy awakening and happy spring to all!! 

OUT WITH 2023-IN WITH 2024

 

2023 was a year of ups and downs, but then, when I think about my life, I see that every year is a year of ups and downs. I think that is life is general.  We all have good times and we have times that are not so good. I believe the gift in this is to learn to be with what is, roll with the punches, and go with the flow. We can fight life, or we can embrace what is and be at peace.

In retrospect, one of the best things to happen in 2023, was Paul getting a job driving locally so he could be home every night. What a difference this has made in our lives. I love knowing when he leaves for work in the morning, he is coming home later in the day. It was a hard time for us when he was on the road and was only home on weekends. We are both grateful for the change in his work life.

The most difficult part of 2023 has been dealing with my constant physical issues, which started in the spring of 2022. I spent part of this year seeing specialists, like a pulmonologist and cardiologist. I had lung function testing done, two CT scans of my lungs, an echogram and a heart cath to check for blockages in my heart. Everything checked out okay, save for a few minor issues, but I was, and still am, short of breath upon the slightest exertion, tired a lot, and usually in a brain fog. I have a few neurological issues and nerve issues in my body, I’ve lost my sense of taste, and I have occasional insomnia. By summer, I realized the medical industry had no answers or diagnosis for me, so I began earnestly the task of advocating for myself. I did mention my deep concern that I had long covid to my specialists and my PCP, however, no one had any response or answers. 

I spent the last six months of 2023 researching long covid, talking to people who have it, joining long covid groups, reading newsletters from long covid clinics and research organizations and paying close attention to my body. Over this year, I have become aware of how prevalent this virus is (long covid) and what others are doing to help with all of the debilitating symptoms.

I put myself into a Carda Care program, which is three times a week pulmonary rehab class. I started on an essential oils program to help with the breathing issues, added NAC (N-acetyl-L cystine, an amino acid) to my daily regimen and recently added Alpha Lipoic acid and Co-Q-10 to the mix. I am seeing slight changes in my body and my symptoms, however I feel like I take one step forward followed by two steps back. Regardless, I continue to read and study the research that is available. All I can do is all I can do, and I still hope I will eventually see the return of my ability to breath easily upon exertion, and gradually have my stamina return.

On a good note, in March I met two new sister friends here in Fredericksburg and they have really added to my joy and to my life. It is nice to have women of like mind to have lunch with and just to hang out with.

In May, my oldest great granddaughter graduated from high school and we made a trip to New Orleans so we could be there to celebrate her and her achievements. When we got home from that trip, my oldest granddaughter, who had been living with us for nine months, left to go home to New Orleans. It was hard to see her go.

I started organizing my second book in September and have been steadily working on it. It will be an anthology for and about women, so I am enjoying reading the stories that have been submitted for inclusion in the book.

In October, Paul and I went to Baltimore to see Queen, which was one of my dreams.  I really enjoy their music and had a Queen concert on my bucket list. Also, in October, we had our second annual women’s gathering at the beach. It was such a treat to spend 3 days with six incredible women.

We had another lovely family Thanksgiving and Christmas and ended the year on a mixture of a high and a low. Paul and I, and other family members, all came down with the flu, and I am still dealing with a bad cough. 

Then, on the 30th we picked up our new fur baby, Wally. He is a seven week old pup and is a one man wrecking ball. Yesterday afternoon, in desperation for a break, I ordered an animal playpen for him, which will be delivered tomorrow. I forgot what it was like to train a two year old child, and this puppy does remind me of an undisciplined, curious, bottomless pit of energy, two year old child. Oyvey!!

So, 2023 was a full year. Life seemed busier, even though I wasn't doing more; in fact, I am doing less. It just seems the days do not last as long, even though, to the best of my knowledge, there are still twenty-four hours in a day. I attribute the quickened passage of time to an increase in the Schumann’s Resonance.

I wish I could say I look forward to 2024, but I really do not. In a perfect world, I would be restored to a place of good physical health, the world would be at peace, or at least the inhabitants of this country would be at peace, and I would not have this innate feeling that I need to buckle up for what is coming.

However, in spite of what it is like out there, I am grateful for my beloved husband, my awesome children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren (and my two nephews), supportive and caring sister friends, and the knowledge that in my core, no matter what is going on out there, all is well within.

I pray the new year will bring you peace and joy along with the knowledge that you matter, and you are loved!!  Out with the old and in with the new!! Happy New Year..  

WOMEN SPEAKING UP

 

I am watching, in awe, the women of this country stand up, and stand together, to make their voices heard. Women are saying, "We will not go backwards." "We will not be silent." "We will not let others dictate to us what we can and cannot do with our bodies." " We demand the sane autonomy that men have."

Women are speaking up, marching in the streets and going to the polls in droves, in order to be heard. The days of women sitting silently by as the patriarchy attempts to keep them in their place, is coming to an end, We are standing up for the right to be treated as an equal.

Back in my day, the 1940's and 50's, most women were taught that our place was in the home creating a nice, clean space for the king to be in when he got home, in the kitchen preparing family meals, a cooperative partner in the bedroom who did not have the right to say "no," and the one responsible for raising the children. PLEASE HEAR ME CLEARLY!!  There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker. I stayed home taking care of my children until my baby was in Junior High. I loved my role as a homemaker and still have the highest respect for women who choose to be homemakers. 

My message to women in this specific blog is this. You are a first class citizen. You are not inferior. You are not chattel. You are not owned by anyone. You have a voice and it is okay to use it. You can speak softly or you can holler into a megaphone. Either is okay.

Let me say this again. When I speak or write about the patriarchy, I am not talking about men in general. I love men. I honor and respect men. What I do not honor is the patriarchy, which includes those men who believe it is their god given right to lord it over women. Women are not here to serve men. We are not here to be conquered or kept in our place. 

We are here to use our power to nurture and care for Self and others, not out of a duty, but out of love and compassion for other humans. We are here to be full of ourselves and to live large, to support the sisterhood, to be the epitome of goodness and kindness, to speak the truth and to stand for justice. 

We have the power of the voice and the vote. Let's use them for the good of women and for the good of all mankind. Speak up ladies!!  You matter!! 

THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE

The holidays are here, which, for me,  means Christmas is almost here.  I remember saying more than once during the year, that before we know it, Christmas will be here. And here it is!! Around the corner. 

Paul and I do not celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, so for us it is more about being with family.  I like any holiday that increases the chances of spending time with family.  All but one Christmas in my life has been celebrated with family.  That year, we were having unresolved family issues, and Paul and I spent the day at the Rescue Mission, serving meals to everyone who walked in the door. That was such a memorable experience, though I was sad because I was not with family.

Because I enjoy looking at lights, I love the tradition of having a Christmas tree. I do not look forward to decorating a tree, but I do look forward to sitting by it every night with the lights plugged in. For me, the saving grace of decorating the tree is getting to hold each ornament and reminisce about where the ornament came from. Some of my ornaments were on the tree when I was a little girl. One day, while visiting my mother, my cousin and I went up in her attic. I found an old box from Krauss Department Store (which closed years ago), tied with a half rotted piece of string. In it, were a dozen red ornaments that were on the tree my grandmother used to decorate.  I also found ornaments that were my mothers, plus some old glass candy canes that were hung on the tree. This is part of my fun of celebrating Christmas, going through each ornament one by one.  

I still enjoy the tradition of sending Christmas cards, and I thoroughly enjoy receiving cards.  I feel a certain amount of sadness every year as the cards that come through the mail get less and less. I think there is something special about sitting down every December and writing personal notes in a Christmas card. But then, I still send birthday cards, get well cards, thinking of you cards and cards for almost any occasion you can think of. I appreciate personal greetings and to me, an electronic card or an email is not the same. 

Paul and I usually spend Christmas Eve night at Mac and Robyn's house.  On Christmas morning, we all gather around the tree with coffee and bloody mary's, or mimosas, and start the long process of opening gifts.  After about 2-3 hours of oohs and aahs, we have a bite to eat, get dressed, load the car, and head to Robyn's mom and dad's house, where we spend the day. 

One thing I really miss on Christmas is not having all of my children with me. I still hold out hope that one year we will be able to have a family gathering for the Christmas holiday. That would include my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. That would be a dream come true!!

No matter which holiday you might be celebrating, I wish every one of you, my readers, a happy and love-filled holiday season.  May your hearts be warmed and filled with the gifts of peace, joy, love, gratitude and everlasting kindness.

I pray everyone gets to gather for their holiday celebration with those they love. 

Happy Holidays to all. 💖💗💕

NURTURING OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

Matt Licata said, "Maybe, when it's all said and done, there will be only one question that remains. How well did I love here? Did I slow down and take the time to really experience this life? To help someone who was hurting? To paint something or dance, or to put my hands in some clay? To look into the eyes of the person passing by or into the eyes of a little one? Or to fall to the ground in awe of the earth and her beauty and her power and her grace? Did I really allow myself to experience the sunrise or the moon, or a child playing, or the colors and the falling leaves? Or the holiness, and being able to take one full breath?"

No one knows how long we have to live, so treating each moment like it is special, and a gift, does matter. We are not here to be busy—we are here to be. I see so many running to and fro; many running from themselves. My question is, "What do you think you will lose if you take a moment or two to do any of the above?" 

Slow down!! Honor and nurture yourself and your loving spirit. Within, we all long to connect with life, with the divine, and with others. We also have a deep desire to connect with our Self. When we truly see and understand the divinity of our life, we are empowered to stop and take a few breaths, go within, check in with our bodies, sit still, and just be for a moment. 

Because we are in a world that is moving beyond fast and we are bombarded with news of chaos, war, anger and hate, we need to step aside and connect with the other part of our world which is love, kindness, softness and compassion. This is the energy that is flooding the earth and I am convinced that the more humans slow down and spend time with Self and others, the more the love and kindness will flow. Light is overtaking darkness. 

Last year, I took a twelve week class on "Resting Your Nervous System." It was an eye-opener and a game changer in my life. I was introduced to the tenderness and sensitivity of the nervous system. To my shock, I began to see how misunderstood and mistreated my nervous system had been. Lacking an awareness of the tenderness of the system, I overworked, overwhelmed and even abused my nervous system and then wondered why I was anxious, depressed and panicky. 

I could not even begin to tell you the times in my life when I was tired or overwhelmed or in need of quiet, and I kept going. I continued to drive myself because it was my responsibility, or my job, or I needed the money, or it was expected of me. Often it was because I just did not yet understand how precious my life was and that I deserved the best. 

I was a master at filling the spare moments with activity. Sometimes the activity was social media or TV, or a new project. There is nothing wrong with any of these activities, there is nothing wrong with being busy and accomplishing goals. The problem comes in when we forget to pay attention to the inner yearnings of our soul. 

Because the nervous system is very tender we can easily overwhelm it. It is our nervous system that lets us know when we are safe. When we push it and demand it contain more than it is able to, we take away our sense of safety and we wind up outside our window of tolerance, in a place of overwhelm. This can create a state of anxiety, stress and tension. We sometimes don't even realize what we are doing to ourselves until a breakdown happens, which could be a panic attack, an anxiety attack, illness or we plunge into depression. Sadly, in need of relief we often revert to taking a pill, which is a temporary fix. 

What is the prescription for a fractured nervous system and how do we bring healing and rest to our nervous system?  How do we nurture this tender system of ours? We listen to it, we give ourselves quiet time, not to scroll through social media, but to BE with life. Take a few moments to smell, feel and listen. Give yourself space in between. Rest when tired. Pay attention to those things in life that activate you and get you going, and question whether you want to continue being activated, or, are you ready to form some new pathways for your life. Let's choose peace!!

SOFTNESS

 

It is so obvious to me how powerful softness is. Some think softness is weakness, but actually softness is strong and powerful. A soft word or spirit can move mountains in our lives, and in the lives of others. 

I see softness in two different dimensions. 1) A softening of the words I speak to myself and to others. 2) the softening that happens to my hardened edges and hardened parts of my being when I absorb truth and light.

Softness is essential, if we want to experience a full range of emotions and connect deeply and intimately – both with others and with self. I believe we have to let down our defenses in order to soften.

I have witnessed many times the impact a soft word can have on a sad and/or suffering being. I also am very aware as the hardened parts of my being, along with the behaviors I have learned in order to get by in this world, begin to soften as I embrace the truth.

For the most part, we are all suffering humans who have some hard edges. We try not to show our vulnerabilities to others, but those vulnerabilities show up in many ways. Some of our more common vulnerabilities are fear of being less than, of not measuring up, of not knowing or being enough, and/or, fear of failure. Protecting ourselves long enough can, and often will, result in a hardened stance.

For many, we adapt to just living life the way we live. Maybe we talk too much to cover our discomfort, or maybe we laugh at everything and attempt to make others laugh in order to cover our unspoken sadness and grief. Perhaps we call others names, and make those unlike us wrong in order to cover our own sense of inadequacy. There are many behaviors we can adapt in order to "look" okay. But, because we become adept at looking okay, does not mean we are okay. We all know on some level what goes on in the deeper regions of our souls. 

Most of us carry some degree of unhealed trauma, which creates suffering in the body and in the emotional and psychological being. As a result, we walk around caged inside a false identity. We do our best to be accepted by the masses, by our loved ones and friends, and in our society. We hide our pain and pretend all is well. 

The big question is: what are we sacrificing to play this game? The second question is: how do we soften the hard edges so we can see into our soul and recognize the "one" we left behind in order to cover the emotional pain?  

I believe a soft light is better than a harsh one, and I believe truth can be received by Self and others when it is delivered in softness and love. I have seen over and over the hard edges soften when truth is spoken in softness. 

Women are nurturing by nature.  We have an innate softness. Unfortunately, for many, due to unhealed and unacknowledged trauma, our softness is covered with a hard resolve. We do this in order to make it through life without having to expose the  pain and suffering we carry in our core being.

Softness is all about love. Love for self and our sensitive nervous system and being, and love for others and where they are. Judgments and criticism of self and others serves no purpose. Soft words, on the other hand, engenders healing and softness in others.  A soft and compassionate presence can work miracles. 

Try this. In the midst of an argument, or of harsh words being spoken, take a step back and take a deep breath, then speak love in softness. Watch what happens. I have done it many times. Give up the argument, and the need to win and be right, and respond instead with loving, caring words. The charged energy around us changes when we change our stance from one of harshness and fight to softness, care and kindness. 

When someone cuts us off on the road and we see red, instead of cursing them and giving them the middle finger, try taking a deep breath and sending a blessing to them. Doing this will replace your anger and frustration with peace. 

Another action that can be taken is: In the midst of seeing someone suffering emotionally, instead of trying to fix them,  respond to their pain in softness and compassion. When this happens I can usually see the softening within the other, which will then turn into a healing moment. I know the tendency is to want to fix others when they are hurting, but often we don't need to be fixed, we just need to know we are seen and heard and are not alone. 

Be soft. Speak softly. Walk softly. Let your words and actions be filled with love and compassion. Bring healing to the world and its inhabitants with a soft touch. You matter. We all matter and we all deserve love.

SEVEN THINGS I DEEPLY LOVE

 "Sometimes you hear a voice through the door calling you,

As a fish out of water hears the waves...

Come back. Come back.

This turning toward what you deeply love saves you."  Rumi

After reading this for the third time, I asked myself, "What do I deeply love?" What are the things in my life that call to me? Those things, events and people that bring joy and satisfaction to my life. After deep contemplation and looking within, I decided the following are the things I deeply love:

1. I deeply love things of the spirit, like quiet mornings where I can sit still and follow my breath in and out. I practice presence during these times and feel a heightened sense of awareness as I pay attention to the feel of the chair I' m sitting on, the smells in the air, the sounds around me, and the feel of the floor or the ground beneath my feet. I sometimes scan my body to see if there are any areas of dis-ease that I need to pay attention to. I write my feelings and my mettas for the day. Doing this ritual in the morning prepares me for my day and reminds me what is important.

2. I deeply love soft, intimate times with Paul, when we connect on a conscious level. We sit quietly facing each other and share our fears, desires, and concerns. As we really listen to each other with compassion and love we create a bond and a level of in-to-me-see (intimacy) that nourishes our relationship. I also love motorcycle riding with Paul. We both touch pure joy when riding through mountains and forests.

3. I deeply love quiet moments with my sister friends who have chosen the path of healing. Our conversations are honest and personal as we reveal our hurts and joys to each other. During these moments I am lifted to new heights.

4. I deeply love family get-togethers when we all remember to love and respect each other, to lift and support each another and to express tenderness and kindness.

5. I deeply love being in nature, walking through the woods, hugging the trees, sitting by the water, looking at the night sky, being around animals, digging in the dirt planting flowers and vegetables, sitting and laying on the ground, walking barefoot and feeling and closely examining rocks and stones. Anything that allows me to touch and be part of nature calls to me.

6. I deeply love coming home to my authentic Self. I've been absent for years, not knowing who I was or what I needed. The more I reconnect with, and embrace my authentic Self, the more compassion I have to give to others. As I embrace and accept all of me, I notice I want less of what the world offers.

7. I deeply love laughter that comes from the gut. It feels good to laugh so hard I double over, my cheeks and jaw hurt and tears run down my face. I feel cleansed and at peace after a bout of belly laughter. Paul and I have started taping episodes of Seinfeld and Golden Girls. We watch a show or two before we go to bed and laugh a lot. It eases my soul and makes me feel good. 

I invite you to find a quiet place, take a few deep belly breaths, relax your body and ask yourself the questions, "What do I deeply love?" and "What brings me pure joy?" Write your answers so you can refer back to them.

Make time to give yourself the gifts of that which you love to have and to do. I believe turning towards the things we truly love makes a difference in whether we are living fully or partially existing. 

I would love to hear from you. What do you deeply love?

KINDNESS

 

"What I want is so simple I almost can't say it: elementary kindness."  Barbara Kingsolver

In the past couple of years, kindness has taken on new meaning for me. I have always embraced kindness as an act of doing something nice for someone. But, as life goes on and my insight grows, I am understanding that kindness goes beyond actions. I have come to understand that kindness extends to the realm of being, it goes past the realm of doing.

I see kindness as an attitude that flows from the heart. It is a genuine mixture of care and compassion that extends to all. There is no exclusivity in true kindness. Kindness does not see color, religion, ethnicity, or political belief. 

When kindness roots itself in our heart, we become a kind person. Rumi says, "the pot drips what's in it," and someone filled with kindness, drips kindness. It becomes much more than an act. It is a way of being. 

A kind person notices the suffering of others and holds humanity close within. Upon observing or hearing of someone committing a vicious act or speaking spiteful words, the heart of kindness sees beyond the actions to the pain that has created the meanness and the anguish of another. A heart of kindness feels the suffering of others and knows on a deep level that all the children of the world are our children and we are all one race, the human race. 

When our hearts are filled with kindness, we withhold judgment and look instead to the spirit of the person. No one deserves to be kicked when they are down, or told they need to lay in the bed they made. Sometimes we need to be taught how to make the bed differently by someone who cares enough to reach out and show us how to do it. 

I aspire to a life of kindness and gentleness towards myself, and a spirit of benevolence towards the world and its occupants. I have seen the power of kind words and actions and have witnessed attitudes soften and behavior change in an instant through one act of kindness.

We all need kindness in our lives. Civilizations and relationships rise and fall on kindness. We are born for kindness. To be treated with kindness feels like a gentle rain falling upon a thirsty earth, and I do believe there are many parched souls among us. I wonder what would happen on this planet if we shared a vision of being kind souls who pour gentleness upon the earth and its inhabitants. 

Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

what you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night

with plans and the simple breath

that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness

as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow

as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow,

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

then it is only kindness

that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day

to mail letters and purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

it is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you every where

like a shadow or a friend.

from The Words Under the Words: Selected Poems. Eighth Mountain Press. 1995

ABANDONMENT

I know what abandonment looks like and feels like. I am one of the estimated 98% of people in the world who experienced being abandoned.

Over the years I have learned that abandonment is far deeper than being physically left. Many believe that having two parents in the home precludes abandonment. However that is not true. There are millions of people with abandonment issues who grew up in a two parent home. 

Children suffer abandonment issues when they are not seen or heard, not respected or honored, called names, made to feel or look stupid, shamed for one reason or another, not loved for who they are, have their thoughts and ideas trivialized, treated like they are in the way and told they are a pain in the ass and they are driving the caretaker crazy. Anything that makes a child feel they are not enough, or something is wrong with them, creates the pain of abandonment. 

Due to being physically abandoned by my daddy and being raised by adults who were emotionally unavailable, I grew up with huge abandonment issues. My family loved me and meant well, but in their inability to see what was happening to me, they failed to understand my pain and loneliness. They were unable to see the trauma I was in, so instead of giving me understanding, acceptance and care, I was shamed for my pain and forced to deal with issues a child cannot possibly deal with.

Doing what only a child could do, I created a story that something was wrong with me, that I was somehow flawed. Once we create a story about our experience of life, we live out that story until we come to a place on our path where we are able to identify the story, step out of it, and create a new one that is based on present truth. Our story creates our basic belief about self and life, and from our story we form the practice of self-abandonment. 

Make no mistake: our story informs our life. It is like we are being led around with a ring in our nose and we can't pull away for fear of having our nose ripped open. That's how huge an impact our story has on our life.

Though I have done a lot of processing on my abandonment issues, I now realize those first few years of dealing with this stuff was about peeling the outer layers away. The fear I carried all my life about being abandoned by others or by the world and its systems (job, money, relationships, etc) has greatly dissipated. What I now face is my self-abandonment issues.

Self-abandonment is an insidious disease that eats away at the core of life. It is not only insidious but it is also covert. It hides itself well until we are ready to see it for what it is. Anyone with abandonment issues cannot help but practice self-abandonment. It goes with the territory. It's what we learned. It's what we know.

Some of the ways we abandon self are:

Overactive mind with no shut off valve, constant worry with the inability to let things go, not allowing self to feel or to express emotions, especially sadness, not listening to our body by staying busy and not letting the body rest, shutting out compliments  or turning away help by denying we need it, refusing to be vulnerable, and taking on more than we can handle, adding stress to our life. 

We also contribute to our self abandonment by eating a lot of unhealthy foods.  We focus our attention on looking better on the outside while ignoring our inner needs, we constantly buy more stuff hoping to feel better, we are five sensory instead of multi-sensory and stay stuck in fear of the unknown. 

Self-abandonment comes naturally to us when we have abandonment issues. We do not get up in the morning and decide to abandon self on that day. When we have been abandoned by our primary caretakers, we easily learn to abandon self, UNTIL we take notice and make a conscious choice to begin the journey home to our inner being.

The healing process brings us home to the innocent, beautiful self we are, the one who knew how magnificent we were, the one who believed we could do anything, sing off-key at the top of our voice, dance without rhythm in front of a crowd, the one who knew no fear, the beautiful one who was present in our life before shame for not being enough or for not doing it right rook over. If our caretakers had any shame, we inherited it. 

Going home to our inner core, to that which was left behind, is the ultimate self-care. Are you ready for the journey to reclaim your authentic peaceful being? All it takes is a willing and courageous heart.  

A few suggested practices to assist you on your journey to self discovery:

• Carve out some quiet moments for yourself
• Learn how to breathe deeply from your diaphragm
• Notice how others treat you and speak to you
• Practice kindness towards your self:  rest your body, feed yourself healthy food, spend time in nature, stop any negative self talk, have a good cry, speak your truth, ask for what you want and need, nurture yourself
• If necessary, find a good therapist
• Have someone in your life you can speak your truth to
• Read uplifting books that encourage growth and inner child healing *

You matter and without you the universe would not be the same!!

* Suggested reading:

Alchemy 365: A Self Awareness Workbook by Brenda Lightfeather Marroy

The Seekers Guide by Elizabeth Lesser

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Any and all books by Sark

PEACE OUT

 

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

"No man is an island, entire of itself.

Each man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.

 If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thine own or of thine friends were.

Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls.

It tolls for thee."   John Donne, 1604

This is one of my favorite poems, and I think the part that speaks the loudest to me is "for I am involved in mankind." Because we are all connected, I appreciate the concept of being involved in mankind. We are all a piece of the continent, a part of the main.  John Donne obviously understood this. 

For thousands of years, sages, adepts, and poets from all cultures have understood that the entire universe is a whole, living entity, which means all things are connected. Nothing is separate as it appears to human perception, everything is interlocked.

Max Planck, the father of quantum theory, described a universal field of energy that connects everything in creation. He called it The Divine Matrix and described it as a container that holds the universe, a bridge between all things and a mirror that shows us what we have created.

There was a time when humans lived closer to the land, to each other and to our creator. People then understood the sacredness of life and there was a sense of balance in the world. Then people began to forget, and in their forgetting they felt separate from the earth, each other and their creator.

There was a time, not that long ago, when neighborhoods were communities. People lived closer and relied more upon each other. We knew our neighbors names, children played together in the streets and backyards, we borrowed sugar and milk from each other, and we understood the value of caring and sharing.

Slowly, humanity has moved away from the concept of togetherness and connection; we've learned how to make war with each other and our environment. It's like we each live in a little world separate from others. 

True peace comes from knowing we are all part of something greater than Self, a piece of the continent, a part of the main, and we are all connected to the whole.

In this technically oriented, "progressive" (or so they say) world we live in, we may be more connected electronically, but heart-wise and relationship-wise, we are part of a great disconnect.

If we want to live in a world where we are involved in mankind, it is important that we reconnect with that which matters. The way I see it, what matters is love, forbearance and compassion.

How do we reinstill these values in the minds and hearts of the world at large? I believe we do it one step at a time.

Instead of a text or an email, pick up the phone and call someone.

Vow to make your dinner table a no phone zone, and practice talking to each other and listening to what is being said. Engage with each other,

Visit someone today, just because.

Send someone a card with a hand-written note letting them know how special they are and that they matter.

Take care of yourself, love and nurture yourself, and do all you can to let others know they are important and that you care.

I honestly do not know how we can thrive and survive as a society if we are not willing to be inclusive and loving. It is important for us to see each other for our humanity and get past our differences. We can each do our part in putting the pieces of the whole back together again. Starting today we can remember, "No man is an island" and what affects one, affects all. Make a change!!  Make a difference!!