SOFTNESS

 

It is so obvious to me how powerful softness is. Some think softness is weakness, but actually softness is strong and powerful. A soft word or spirit can move mountains in our lives, and in the lives of others. 

I see softness in two different dimensions. 1) A softening of the words I speak to myself and to others. 2) the softening that happens to my hardened edges and hardened parts of my being when I absorb truth and light.

Softness is essential, if we want to experience a full range of emotions and connect deeply and intimately – both with others and with self. I believe we have to let down our defenses in order to soften.

I have witnessed many times the impact a soft word can have on a sad and/or suffering being. I also am very aware as the hardened parts of my being, along with the behaviors I have learned in order to get by in this world, begin to soften as I embrace the truth.

For the most part, we are all suffering humans who have some hard edges. We try not to show our vulnerabilities to others, but those vulnerabilities show up in many ways. Some of our more common vulnerabilities are fear of being less than, of not measuring up, of not knowing or being enough, and/or, fear of failure. Protecting ourselves long enough can, and often will, result in a hardened stance.

For many, we adapt to just living life the way we live. Maybe we talk too much to cover our discomfort, or maybe we laugh at everything and attempt to make others laugh in order to cover our unspoken sadness and grief. Perhaps we call others names, and make those unlike us wrong in order to cover our own sense of inadequacy. There are many behaviors we can adapt in order to "look" okay. But, because we become adept at looking okay, does not mean we are okay. We all know on some level what goes on in the deeper regions of our souls. 

Most of us carry some degree of unhealed trauma, which creates suffering in the body and in the emotional and psychological being. As a result, we walk around caged inside a false identity. We do our best to be accepted by the masses, by our loved ones and friends, and in our society. We hide our pain and pretend all is well. 

The big question is: what are we sacrificing to play this game? The second question is: how do we soften the hard edges so we can see into our soul and recognize the "one" we left behind in order to cover the emotional pain?  

I believe a soft light is better than a harsh one, and I believe truth can be received by Self and others when it is delivered in softness and love. I have seen over and over the hard edges soften when truth is spoken in softness. 

Women are nurturing by nature.  We have an innate softness. Unfortunately, for many, due to unhealed and unacknowledged trauma, our softness is covered with a hard resolve. We do this in order to make it through life without having to expose the  pain and suffering we carry in our core being.

Softness is all about love. Love for self and our sensitive nervous system and being, and love for others and where they are. Judgments and criticism of self and others serves no purpose. Soft words, on the other hand, engenders healing and softness in others.  A soft and compassionate presence can work miracles. 

Try this. In the midst of an argument, or of harsh words being spoken, take a step back and take a deep breath, then speak love in softness. Watch what happens. I have done it many times. Give up the argument, and the need to win and be right, and respond instead with loving, caring words. The charged energy around us changes when we change our stance from one of harshness and fight to softness, care and kindness. 

When someone cuts us off on the road and we see red, instead of cursing them and giving them the middle finger, try taking a deep breath and sending a blessing to them. Doing this will replace your anger and frustration with peace. 

Another action that can be taken is: In the midst of seeing someone suffering emotionally, instead of trying to fix them,  respond to their pain in softness and compassion. When this happens I can usually see the softening within the other, which will then turn into a healing moment. I know the tendency is to want to fix others when they are hurting, but often we don't need to be fixed, we just need to know we are seen and heard and are not alone. 

Be soft. Speak softly. Walk softly. Let your words and actions be filled with love and compassion. Bring healing to the world and its inhabitants with a soft touch. You matter. We all matter and we all deserve love.