SO LONG 2025-HELLO 2026

 

SO LONG 2025, HELLO 2026

2025 is on its way out and I am shedding no tears as it walks out the door and into the past. The year was both good and not so good. In numerology, the year 2025 was a 9 year which means it carried the energy of endings, completions, and undoing. I gladly say goodbye to this year. 2026, which is a 1 year carries the energy of new beginnings, a starting point. I am looking forward to this year to see where the journey will take me, my loved ones, friends and my country. 

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Because I do believe every upset is a set up, and the treasure is often hidden in the dark,  I have been able to make it through the year with faith and hope still alive in my being. When life seems to be going south, I have a tendency, after I rebound from the hit, to look for the treasure hidden in the experience.  It seems I have done quite a bit of treasure hunting this year.

I experienced my share of days, and even weeks of feeling emptied out this year. I have not written or posted on this blog since March, 2025. I wanted to write but felt empty of words, thoughts, insights or imaginations. For a while, I really tried to manufacture something, but finally gave in to the inner knowing  that I needed to leave it alone and let it be.  This was hard for me because as a writer, I need to write. However, when there are no words, writing is impossible. I actually have had moments of thinking perhaps my love of writing and creating were at an end and I would never write again. 

I have been here before so I was familiar with the call to step aside and quit trying. When I gave up my resistance to going back into the emptiness and the no-thingness, I felt better and rested in the stage of life I found myself in.

Emptiness not only hit me in the area of writing, it also hit hard in my physical well being. Long haul covid continued to take its toll on me and added to that was degenerative disc disease in my C4-6. I suffered a lot and after months of pain management, I decided to see an orthopedic surgeon. In October I had an anterior discectomy and fusion. The recovery process of almost three months really hit me hard and there were times when I doubted I would ever feel good again. Once again, I finally gave up my resistance to feeling bad and went with the flow. I am now in physical therapy to regain my range of motion in my neck and to strengthen my neck, arms and back muscles.

The uptick in cruelty and just plain ugliness  from the top down in our country has thrown me for a loop. For a while, I felt like I had lost my balance and saw no hope for the saving of our democracy. However, as I gave up that struggle and decided to be an active participant in standing and marching for what my heart longs for, I began to see some light. Seeing the massive peaceful protests taking place on a daily basis in every corner of the country has filled me with hope.  I now believe the people can make a difference.

Through all of this, I have once again found the fullness that is present in the emptiness. There is no empty space. What looks and feels like it is empty, is really full. If nothing else, the emptiness is full of emptiness, and that is okay. I have continued to learn through experience that if I quit resisting what is, I can live in continued contentment and peace. 

If it feels empty, embrace it....let it be. If it feels like all creative energy has gone away, embrace it...let it be. If it feels like I will never regain my physical health and well being, embrace it....let it be.

Emptiness, aloneness, lack of motivation, doubt, the carrying out of cruelty to other humans and/or life forms used to worry me and cause me a lot of angst. Thankfully, I am learning to just let it be. Sometimes I cry my way through whatever is going on, other times I just sit with the sickness I feel inside over where life is taking me and over what is happening in my body, my country and the world.

My intentions, as we move into new 2026 energy, are to live life to the fullest, to continue to be aware of resistance to life and to give it up, to love myself unconditionally and to walk in light, love and kindness. 

Happy 2026!! May your journey through the year be light, bright, joyful and peaceful. 

A CALL TO WOMEN

 This is a repost of some of a blog I wrote in 2011, right around Mardi Gras time in New Orleans. Since yesterday was Mardi Gras, I felt it time to pull this article out of the archives, rewrite it and post it again.

A CALL TO WOMEN

I was watching a clip of Mardi Gras festivities and remembered all the Mardi Gras parades I have attended. Something that happens often at the parades is: the men on the float will holler at the girls who are screaming "throw me something mister", "Show me your tits." If the girls comply, they might get thrown a nicer pair of Mardi gras beads. 

It has always been shocking to me how many girls will lift their shirt and show their breasts so they can be thrown a pair of cheap Mardi Gras beads. I have often wanted to throw a blanket over these girls and give them a dollar so they can go buy a pair of Mardi Gras beads.

I am very aware of how many women think it is necessary to entertain men with their bodies.  Not just women, but young girls who are being misled to act and dress sexy so they can be approved by the boys. I feel sick in my gut when I ask a young preteen to pose for a picture and she purses her lips and strikes a sexy pose. When are women going to quit dressing and behaving like sex objects, like we are a piece of meat on display, so the one with the biggest, firmest breast and nicest butt will be the ones who get picked.  Is it because women are taught from a young age that we are here to pleasure men? Perhaps there is something wrong with a society that has so much disrespect for women, including women disrespecting other women.

When I hear talk about how far women have come,  I wonder what planet these people live on. I understand the rumor is that we have come a long way baby. We have brilliant women in politics, in the military, the aerospace industry and the medical industry. In fact, we have brilliant women in most industries, and I am thrilled with this. But, is that all we are interested in as women? I certainly am not downplaying the right and the awesomeness of women having jobs in what for many years has been considered a man's world. However, I say we need to take the next and highest step, which is having and receiving respect that comes from knowing we belong to ourselves, and not to men. 

With my eyes wide open I watch how women go about in the world. It is still basically a man's world because the patriarchal system is alive and well. In fact, the number of women who still dress, behave and talk like they are a sex object and they belong to men, is staggering. Something is off when we live in a world where women, from teenagers up, are obsessed with breast augmentation, blowing up their lips, dressing as skimpy as possible, and giving themselves away for a wink, a smile, a date, a pair of beads or approval.

Women are not here to be exploited. We are beautiful, brilliant, nurturing and strong and it is powerful to realize we belong to ourselves and the sisterhood, not to men,. We deserve respect, and when we quit dressing and behaving like life does not matter unless we get a second look from a man, we may start to be treated like the goddesses we are.

Before you start writing me hate letters, let me tell you that I love  the brotherhood of men. I have an awesome husband who respects me and my right to personhood, autonomy and control over my body. When we discuss this topic, he reminds me that many, many men are chauvinists who do believe they own women. He and I agree that we are all playing the roles we were taught to play as little girls and little boys. If our roles had been defined differently, we would be acting different. So, I do not hate men. What I despise is the patriarchal system that wants to put women down, own us, use us for their pleasure, deny us our rights and freedoms and put our health care at risk. 

There have been pockets of women at different times in our culture, who have fought for the rights of women to be treated as equals. We have made strides in the business world, but personally I want more than to be able to wear pants, smoke a cigar, play football on a man's team, be the president ,or own a large corporation. These are tokens. Being seen as equal means being treated with respect for my personhood, not being treated as the weaker sex who needs to be conquered and who has no right to a credit card or a checkbook. 

Listen up ladies!! We carry babies in our womb and we birth them, we nurse them and raise them, we are the managers  of our homes. and I have no doubt if women ruled the world we would be a much more peaceful world.  We can bring home the bacon, fry it in a pan and serve it to ourselves and our families. Do not allow yourself to be treated as a sex object or a second class citizen  We are not meant to be defined by men. We have value and worth no matter how old we are, what we look like or who we choose to be in relationship with. 

Women have had to fight for their rights. We fought for the right to vote, to control our bodies, to have a credit card and a bank account, to own property, to get the same education as men and to speak in churches. These rights have all been handed to men, (if they are white men). Stand up in your power ladies and be seen and heard, not as a sex object but as the strong woman you are. And, while you are standing up for yourself, stand up for the entire sisterhood please.

YOU MATTER MY SISTERS!!  

Bye-Bye to 2024

2024 has been one of the busiest years I can remember. It has been a year filled with activity, fun, a lot of visitors, travel, sadness, sickness, loss and gain, darkness followed by insight, disappointment, hope, anger, and yet, through it all, I have had peace within. 

I finished putting together my new book, an anthology for and about women. Thanks to the 22 women who courageously wrote their stories and submitted them to me, I have an inspiring book to offer the women of the world. Hopefully, it will be published in 2025. My new book title is From There to Here.

My year started with my catching the flu and feeling really bad. At the same time, Paul and I adopted a rambunctious, strong-willed puppy. As our puppy physically grew and got bigger and stronger, so did his strong will. Finally, after six week of training and his pulling me and walking me, we decided we needed to rehome him. We had both fallen in love with him but I knew I could not handle him. He went to a really good home and whenever I hear from the people who took him, he seems to be happy and a part of their family. 

In March, after a CT scan of my lungs, I was told I had a sessile mass in the first portion of my duodenum and I needed to have an endoscopy to see what it was. For some reason, this did not ring true for me. After being sent to a GI doctor who strongly suggested the endoscopy, I agreed to have the procedure done. On the day of the test, I told the doctor I was there so we could all rule out that there was a mass. I felt it was a shadow on the scan. I was right! There was no mass, so that was put to bed. Hallelujah.

Thanks to my son, Mac, we saw a lot of live theater this year. We started the year with The Simon and Garfunkel Story, followed by Life and Times of the Temptations, Jersey Boys (for the 3rd time), To Kill a Mockingbird, Celtic Women, Frankie Valli and Mama Mia. 

Our home seemed to be filled with guests all throughout the year, plus we did a fair bit of traveling. In May one of my granddaughters got married so the family met in Charlotte, NC for a couple of days. In July, we flew to North Georgia for a 4th of July family reunion. In August, I rode to Boone, NC with a friend and spent 4 days with a close sister friend and also spent the night in Abingdon with my daughter, Angela. I flew to New Orléans in August to be with my great-grandson on his 15th birthday. In October, I drove to Pennsylvania to spend 4 days with another sister friend. It was a busy year.

In March, we began the construction of our new screened in porch and deck. Paul designed and built it so we were involved every weekend for 3 months. Because we were so involved in this project we did not get to take our annual motorcycle vacation. 

This year, I learned to deal better and more consciously with my long covid and its myriad symptoms. I am happy to report that for the most part the extreme fatigue is gone. I still get tired and have to get in  my recliner for a nap and a rest, but that is nowhere near as bad as it had been. I now use a broncho-dilator to help open my airways and that that has helped me to breathe a little easier. Since the medical profession has no answers,I am learning to manage this disease by advocating for myself. I read clinical trial results, I am active on long covid websites and I now take different medicinal mushrooms, which seem to be helping in some areas. 

I consider 2024 to be a good year, one that I have enjoyed immensely. It has probably been one of my better years in recent times.

I will be 83 in January and I do look forward to celebrating another trip around the sun, however I am not looking forward to 2025. I strongly sense the incoming tide of darkness, chaos, uncertainty and mayhem that are on the horizon. I have a certain amount of fear and dread over what it looks like is going to happen to Medicare, Social Security, social services for the indigent, insurance for the masses, Medicaid, Head Start for the children and health care for women. I shudder to think that the least of our society, children and the elderly, may no longer be cared for. It sickens me in my gut to know women who are suffering miscarriages are bleeding out in hospital waiting rooms and their own homes because doctors are too afraid to treat them, for fear of going to jail. In my world, this is insanity. Truthfully, I have no hope of this getting better in 2025. 

Even without hope for a better world next year, I am still walking into 2025 filled with love, determination and kindness for the planet and its inhabitants. I am determined to walk and stand in light and to stay present. I pray for courage to stand strong and resist that which is against my values and morals, as I stand strong for the rights of all citizens of this country and the world. We are all members of the same family and what affects the least of us affects us all. 

This will be my last blog of the year, so adios, peace out and I will talk to you next year. 

ACCEPT YOUR ORPHANS

 Life is not always a pretty package tied with a beautiful satin bow. Sometimes the package is wrapped in plain brown paper and tied with a scruffy piece of string.

Sometimes I am surefooted and certain, and other times I am not sure about life or where I am going. There are moments when I am full of faith and the next moment I may have doubt. Some days I float along in joy, and other days sadness is my closest friend. Sometimes I sing, sometimes I cry. I have days of loving everything and everybody, and moments of anger, mistrust, fear and disappointment. THIS IS LIFE!!

We are whole beings and our journey here is about evolution of our soul. In order to evolve into our wholeness, our authenticity, we have to encounter and welcome back those parts that were split off and fractured. We must own our doubt, fear, sadness, anger and sense of inadequacy and shame. These are the orphans of our soul that have been cast aside because we do not like how they look or feel. We may think they are "unspiritual" and try to ignore them, deny them, get rid of them or pretend they are not there. We cast them out like a red-headed stepchild, and leave them on the doorstep of life hoping we will not have to deal with them, acknowledge them or give them a name. They become our orphans and we can spend countless hours pretending they do not exist; even when they do.

Because we are conscious, spiritual beings does not mean we always are on the up side and have nothing but positive thoughts and experiences. The authentic life is filled with both darkness and light. 

In order to be seen and acknowledged our orphans sometimes clamor for attention. They can be like a kid needing attention, who pulls on his mother's skirt or his father's pants leg. We may push them away, but they will continue to come back and pull on our skirt or pants leg again and again. Denying them access to light will not make them go away because they are already a part of our being. They may go into hiding for a while and make us think they are gone, but when we least expect it, they reappear. 

Someone may cut in front of us in line and we are ready to snatch them by the hair, or we may drop and break a dozen eggs on the floor and we have a meltdown. A person says something to us that activates our sense of shame and we go into attack mood. Rage, name calling, meltdowns, screaming at others, giving the finger to someone, needing to control people and things, and cursing objects or people are all part of the human experience that most of us would rather not acknowledge. They are our orphans. We do not like to think of ourselves as being less than perfect so we deny what we think is imperfect and unacceptable. 

Here's the thing. Denial does not make anything magically disappear. 

Until we learn to embrace our orphans and bring them into the light, while being open to seeing them fully, we will not be able to experience our fullness. Recognizing and accepting them as a part of our being is what shifts us into a place of authenticity and wholeness. THEY ARE ALREADY THERE!!

We all have orphans, those parts of self we disown and do our best to not let them see the light of day. God help us if someone should see our whole self.

We will always be missing a part of our selves, until we love, nurture and nourish our entire being, even the parts we don't like. It is safe to make space for the fractured and disallowed parts of self. Give your orphans a  home. Embrace them. Shower them with love and allow yourself to be at peace with your authenticity, and keep in mind that we are all perfectly imperfect.

JUST BE AND JUST BREATHE

I remember, after having open heart surgery in 2010, I heard a voice within saying, "the only thing required of you is to be and to breathe." Here is the story of how that came to be. 

I did not have a heart attack, in fact I did not even know I had any heart issues. I walked every day and was very active. I was sixty-eight and I felt great.

In 2010, I began to notice a tightness in my throat when I was walking. I went to my PCP thinking maybe I was having indigestion,. She gave me Prilosec to try, and since I was getting ready to fly to New Orleans for a two-week visit with my mother and family, she scheduled a stress test for me when I returned.

Two weeks later I had the stress test and had to be removed from the treadmill due to shortness of breath. They finished the tests chemically and I then had to sit and wait for a cardiologist to come talk to me.

He came in the room, introduced himself, and had a seat across from me. He said, "Ms. Marroy. You have blockage in your heart and we need to schedule you for a heart cath to see where the blockage is." You could have knocked me over with a feather. I remember saying back to him, "Are you talking to me?  I am healthy and active so this cannot be me." After assuring me it was me, he asked if there was heart disease in my family. I told him my mother had triple bypass, my uncle died from heart disease and my grandpa had angina. I also had high cholesterol at the time, but I mistakenly thought I was going to bypass the heart issues that ran in my family. I seriously had no clue that anything was wrong with my heart. 

I had the heart cath done in a couple of days and found out that because the blockage was in the bifurcation they would have to do a single bypass. The following week I was in the hospital having my chest sawed open.

I went through surgery fine and two days later they gave me a pill called Metoprolol, which caused my heart to stop for nine seconds. I was taken back to the CCC and kept there for twenty-four hours. When my heart regulated itself they took me back to my room and I was supposed to be discharged within two days.

The morning of my discharge, I went to stand up and down I went. My blood pressure had dropped and I hit the floor. They decided to keep me in the hospital longer.

By this time I was falling into a depression, Thankfully, my hospital room had a large window which faced Mill Mountain. For the next two days, as they continued to monitor me, I sat in a recliner by the window. The nurses has turned the chair for me so it faced the beautiful greener than green mountain.

I would sit in that chair and cry because I did not know where to go in life from where I was. Would there be restrictions on my life because of my heart? Would I have to change my way of life? I cried and I talked to Spirit, and I cried more and talked to Spirit more.

One day, in the midst of my depression and feeling of great loss, Spirit spoke back to me and I heard these words, "The only thing required of you, is for you to just be and just breathe." I knew there was nothing else to do at this point but to listen to what I heard. I felt a lightness within, and hope began to take hold of me as I let the enormity of what was being said to me sink in. 

I realized I was not being required to do anything-only be and breathe. This was the beginning of my understanding of the extreme difference between doing and being. I also came to realize we do not have to earn a living, we only have to breathe in order to be alive. There is nothing to do, nothing to earn. Just be and breathe.

Over the years, as I have consciously continued to practice being and breathing, I have come to appreciate more and more, the beauty of knowing that busyness does not get me to the peaceful, quiet place I long to be-only being and breathing can do that.

I no longer have to work for my sense of well-being. I don't have to strive for my inner peace, I only have to be and breathe.

I sometimes forget and catch myself thinking I need to do something, or run to and fro, or do things in a certain way so I will be seen as okay or so I can feel good about myself. Then I come to my senses and remember, all that is required of me is to be and to breathe.

It took depression, a sense of loss, and open heart surgery to change my life and bring me to a place of quiet within. I am very grateful for life, and for the breath of life that keeps me alive!! 

TOXIC THOUGHTS AND PEOPLE

 Toxic: Very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. 

When something is insidious it is dangerous in ways that are not always evident. We can have thoughts and ideas that rule our life and not even be aware that we are being ruled by something negative.

An example would be: I used to have the thought/idea that someone who lived a spiritual life, lived a certain way. I thought that kind of life would be on an even keel, no ups and downs, no thorns in the roses, manifesting what you want by thinking it into existence, always being happy, always positive and above the fray. It took me a while to realize this was a pipe dream, bullshit, and something people made up and fed to others as truth. 

When I lived from this thought, I believed I had gone astray, or made a wrong turn, if and when I was in a low place. I have many times, even recently, felt like I was a rudderless ship on the sea of life with a failed purpose, a forgotten cause and I was somehow left behind. In other words, believing that a spiritual life was all mountain top experiences, set me up for anxiety, harsh self-judgment and sadness.

I have come to realize how toxic my thoughts can be. The reason they are so toxic is because I believed they were true. That is the insidiousness of our thoughts. Most of us believe our thoughts are true. We actually take them to be absolute in many cases and lead our lives, make our decisions and behave according to what we think is true. This can be dangerous and can keep us stuck in low places.

How do you identify your toxic thoughts? You pay attention to your life and you question your thoughts. Because you thought something was one way all of your life, does not mean you cannot question it, if and when you realize it does not work for your highest and best. Because mom, dad or grandma said it was so, does not make it absolute. 

When we lived in Kentucky, I had a friend who only wore basic colors. I, on the other hand, wore a lot of bright red and purple. Finally, one day she told me she had been taught by her mother, that only women of the night wore red, so she thought it was wrong to wear red. I was shocked! My response to her was, "Isn't it wonderful that you are an adult, and you can make your own decisions and form new thoughts about what you can wear? If you like red, I support you in wearing red." She still would not wear red, because she was too afraid it would upset her mother and people would wrongly judge her. This is what I mean when I say our thoughts can be toxic because they are insidious.  She had no idea her thought was not an absolute truth, so she was held captive to that thought for most of her life. 

When I began to question my thoughts I began to see a life lived in spirit differently. I learned about reaching for the heavens while keeping my feet on the ground. I remembered I am a human being, subject to the laws of life and the universe. I learned, and am learning on a daily basis, to embrace whatever is in front of me. I have also learned I can love something without liking it. I can love the divinity in people without liking how they do life. I can accept people for where they are without having to hang out with them. I can find joy in washing my dishes, sitting in silence and embracing the emptiness, without making it wrong. I am learning to be content on a daily basis. And when stuff happens to knock me off keel, I am learning to look at it, do what I need to do in the middle of it and then go on and let it be.

Changing thoughts from toxic to life-affirming is not always easy. But, it is definitely do-able. 

I do believe life is meant to be joyful and peaceful. I also believe it is highly possible to be filled with joy and peace, even when we are in the lions den. When it feels like life is going against us, people are not happy with us and are calling us names, the roof is leaking and the AC is not working, we are cash strapped or we are physically ill, we each have the ability to change our thoughts about it all and find our joy and peace in the fray. It is a matter of changing our thoughts about it and thereby adjusting our vision.    

On the topic of toxicity, I need to address the fact that often, toxic people cross our path and sometimes even become a part of our lives. It has taken a while for me to learn that I do not have to entertain, or hang out with toxic people. Like toxic thoughts, they can be pervasive and insidious and can cut you in two, while smiling and pretending all is well. Sometimes, toxic people can suck the life out of us. I don't know that they mean to do what they do, or behave the way they do, but whether it is planned or not, we have options. One option we have is to understand how life-affirming it is to realize neither I, nor you, need to present ourselves to anyone who tends to be denigrating to who we are. 

It is okay to walk away from toxic relationships in any form, whether it be thoughts, ideas, relationships, situations, or people. It is okay to care enough about yourself to walk away from negativity, and to change your thoughts to be more life-affirming.   

You matter. We all matter, and it is up to each of us to weed out the toxicity in our lives. 

PEACE, PLEASE

 

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."  Mother Teresa

I am growing weary of war and division. I am tired of the attitude and belief that anyone has the right to exclude, deride, make fun of, make war against, laugh at and basically exclude anyone because they look different or are different.

It does not matter what color you are: be it black, brown, white, red, or yellow. Who cares? Or why care if someone is gay, straight, bisexual, trans, or lesbian. Why is it anyone's business what sexual preference I identify with?

So what if you are Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic, Protestant, Wiccan, or whatever?  Or if I am a banker, teacher, a ditchdigger or a janitor? These are simply labels, roles, titles and adopted beliefs

Basically, we are all the same in that we are all part of the whole. We are all part of the same human race.

Can we quit making war against each other?  Can we just please acknowledge that though we are all unique, we are still part of the whole?

We all have the same basic longings-to be loved and cared for, to belong, and to know we matter.  Suppose, instead of judging and maligning others, we embrace them? Suppose we make peace instead of war? Suppose we accept others as they are and wherever they are?

Peace starts with me and with you. It begins with letting go of stereotypes and prejudices. It begins with cleaning out our own house, and removing the board from our own eye, before we think it necessary to attempt to remove a mote from someone else's eye. I would love to know why we humans think it is our right to judge others for who they are, what they believe, what they wear and how they choose to live.

In order to have peace, we must all be willing to listen to others hearts and behold them as being a part of who we are.

Be peace and peace will abide. 

 

Euphemisms and the D Word

 

Euphemism: The substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant. 

The D word I am writing about is death. For a large chunk of my life, I had a fear of death. It was the unknown, and therefore scary.  Funerals scared me, dead people scared me and cemeteries seemed haunted. However, even during my fear of death phase, I still used the word, death, to describe when someone left this world for the next. 

Death is a subject few talk about. It is almost like religion and politics. You don't hear many conversations focused on death. For some reason, it has a macabre sense or feel to it. Maybe, it is the finality of it. When I do hear a conversation about death, it is usually softened by avoiding the word, death or dead, and substituting a euphemism, like passed. I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with saying passed instead of died; I am simply calling attention to our need to use a euphemism, instead of saying the word. 

I have been aware that something is changing in my life concerning the thought of death. The fear is no longer present in my thoughts or feelings about dying. Quite the opposite, when I ponder death it is usually in the context of missing life. I find myself having the thought, "I sure will miss this." I will miss the beauty and majesty of sitting outside and listening to and watching the birds and the squirrels.  I will miss seeing my children, grandchildren, husband and other family members, and watching them do life. I will miss sitting on the porch in the afternoon with Paul, each of us talking while enjoying an espresso martini. I will miss my sisters and the awesome conversations and times we have together. 

I hope I live for a long time; I hope to continue to be here for a while. But, here's the thing, Whether I am here for one more day, or ten plus years, something in me has shifted concerning dying.  I don't know, maybe it's because I am eighty-two and have had many sick days of not knowing how to go on in poor health. Or, maybe it's because I sat with my grandfather and my mother as they died, and I literally saw the peace and quiet envelop them as they took their last breath. I tend to think the latter has more relevance. 

I will share with you the experience I had when my mother died. My sister-in-law and I were sitting in the room with my mother's body, waiting for the funeral people to come. She and I were talking to each other when I suddenly felt cold. For the four days my mother lay dying, she had been covered with her LSU blanket, and it was still covering her dead body. I walked up to her hospice bed and said, "Mother, I hope you don't mind, but I am going to take your blanket so I can wrap myself in it." I took the blanket off her body and wrapped it around me. When I sat back in the chair I felt like I was transported to another place, where time stood still. I felt the most incredible sense of deep peace fill my entire being. I was speechless and could only sit quietly letting myself feel the essence of my mother as it hovered over me and filled me. It was a while before I came back into my body, and the room, and was able to speak to my sister-in-law who was sitting and watching me. That experience changed my concept of death and dying. I knew in that moment, when my mother transitioned out of her body, she transitioned into a place of peace. I knew the other side of the veil was as benevolent and loving as the energy on this side.

Death is no longer something macabre, or something to dread. I now see it as another phase of life, a transition from here to there, a different state of being. I do not believe in religion so I have no belief in a place called hell or heaven. I do believe in that which is greater than me, I believe in the possibility and probability of reincarnation being a real thing and I believe in a benevolent energy I call creator..   

No one is getting out of here alive, so it makes sense to me to make peace, and be at peace ,with knowing the day will come when we will shed our body and transition to the next dimension. I am okay talking about death, contemplating death and saying someone died. My intention is not to offend, it is just to be real. 

Some popular euphemisms:

Let go, instead of fired

Big bones, instead of overweight

Spin the truth, instead of lie

Under the weather, instead of sick

Plastered, instead of drunk

Time of the month, instead of menstruation

and of course: passed, instead of dead or died

THE LEADING CAUSES OF LIFE

 I dare say, in our society, most people have heard the phrase, "the leading cause of death".  Some say, the answer is cancer or heart attack. Most are familiar with the phrase because it is talked about by many. Often, following the phrase, is a list of ways to avoid being a victim of the "leading cause." What they don't tell us, or talk about, is "the leading cause of life."

Personally, I am more interested in what will add to my life, than what will possibly cause my death. We will all die. No one is getting out of here alive. That is old news. But, while we are here on this planet, wouldn't it be wonderful to do what it takes to contribute to life? I want to live my best life. I want to be an authentic, truth-telling, life-loving human. My guess is that the majority of humans feel the same way.

I believe, on some level, we are all possessed with the longing to be whole, to fly, to create, to dance, to dream, to paint, to write, to be big and large and full of who we truly are. We are possessed with the desire to live fully. 

There are many causes of life, as there are many causes of death. I consider myself to be a student of life, and over the years have come to the following conclusion. In order for me to live life to the fullest, I need to 1) believe in myself, 2) believe in something greater and larger than myself and 3) love, acknowledge and care for myself.

Believing in myself:  This takes work and commitment. I often have to remind myself that I am not my story or my circumstances. Who I am is a child of creator energy, therefore I am love and lovable, compassionate and kind, a light being who is here to heal and be whole, and to offer all of who I am to the planet and its inhabitants.

Believing in something greater and larger than myself: I definitely believe in divine, benevolent energy,  that fills the universe and therefore fills all of us. I feel the love and kindness that flows from this pervasive energy and immerse myself in it. There are many names for this energy. Some call it God, some Goddess, others Allah. I know many who call it All There Is, Creator, Mother/Father God and Great Spirit. I know this energy on a personal level because I am immersed in it. It is not an entity that sits on a cloud, but rather is warm and loving and allows me to wrap myself in it. 

Loving, acknowledging and caring for myself: I have found, and continue to find, ways to love myself. I believe when we have love for self, not ego love, but love for the divine spirit that inhabits who we are, we cannot help but give love to the world.  Some of the ways I practice loving myself are:

• I seek the healing, insight and support that will help me to release the attitudes and emotions that keep me from experiencing the wonder of my true self.
• I do "nothing" by spending time relaxing, reflecting, and simply being, in order to connect with my higher self.
• I spend time in nature, hugging trees and basking in the beauty and grace of creation.
• I buy clothes that reflect who I am.
• I do my best to uphold my principles and stand for light and life.

My desire is to be fully here, while I am here. With all of this in mind, I have to say, I often miss the boat. I forget who I am and why I am here. I get caught up in bullshit and petty things. I indulge in junk food, not fast food, but junk food like chips and cake and cookies. I sometimes forget we are all children of creator energy. I resist life and what is and fall into darkness and despair. 

But, here's the good part. Somehow, I always return to myself and pick up where I left off. I re-involve myself in practicing the leading causes of life and bask in gratitude for loving, creator energy who always brings me back to myself and to truth. 

Be large!! Be authentic!! Be light and love!!  And, finally, be peace!! What you are is what you give to others...

THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE

The holidays are here, which, for me,  means Christmas is almost here.  I remember saying more than once during the year, that before we know it, Christmas will be here. And here it is!! Around the corner. 

Paul and I do not celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, so for us it is more about being with family.  I like any holiday that increases the chances of spending time with family.  All but one Christmas in my life has been celebrated with family.  That year, we were having unresolved family issues, and Paul and I spent the day at the Rescue Mission, serving meals to everyone who walked in the door. That was such a memorable experience, though I was sad because I was not with family.

Because I enjoy looking at lights, I love the tradition of having a Christmas tree. I do not look forward to decorating a tree, but I do look forward to sitting by it every night with the lights plugged in. For me, the saving grace of decorating the tree is getting to hold each ornament and reminisce about where the ornament came from. Some of my ornaments were on the tree when I was a little girl. One day, while visiting my mother, my cousin and I went up in her attic. I found an old box from Krauss Department Store (which closed years ago), tied with a half rotted piece of string. In it, were a dozen red ornaments that were on the tree my grandmother used to decorate.  I also found ornaments that were my mothers, plus some old glass candy canes that were hung on the tree. This is part of my fun of celebrating Christmas, going through each ornament one by one.  

I still enjoy the tradition of sending Christmas cards, and I thoroughly enjoy receiving cards.  I feel a certain amount of sadness every year as the cards that come through the mail get less and less. I think there is something special about sitting down every December and writing personal notes in a Christmas card. But then, I still send birthday cards, get well cards, thinking of you cards and cards for almost any occasion you can think of. I appreciate personal greetings and to me, an electronic card or an email is not the same. 

Paul and I usually spend Christmas Eve night at Mac and Robyn's house.  On Christmas morning, we all gather around the tree with coffee and bloody mary's, or mimosas, and start the long process of opening gifts.  After about 2-3 hours of oohs and aahs, we have a bite to eat, get dressed, load the car, and head to Robyn's mom and dad's house, where we spend the day. 

One thing I really miss on Christmas is not having all of my children with me. I still hold out hope that one year we will be able to have a family gathering for the Christmas holiday. That would include my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. That would be a dream come true!!

No matter which holiday you might be celebrating, I wish every one of you, my readers, a happy and love-filled holiday season.  May your hearts be warmed and filled with the gifts of peace, joy, love, gratitude and everlasting kindness.

I pray everyone gets to gather for their holiday celebration with those they love. 

Happy Holidays to all. 💖💗💕

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

How do you treat yourself? Do you speak soft, encouraging words to yourself, or do you call yourself names and put yourself down? Do you nurture your body and give it what it needs? Do you feed it healthy foods, give it rest when it is tired, water when it is thirsty and warmth and comfort when it is needed? Do you pay attention to your soul needs for quiet, downtime, introspection and lots of love?

It is important to treat ourselves as we want and need to be treated. To be kind and generous to Self. This is part of keeping ourselves in grace as opposed to aggressing against our self. 

As children, many of us were not taught, or even encouraged, to care for Self. We were pushed to do more, to pay attention, and to do as we were told. Get up, make your bed, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, sweep the garage etc. were familiar messages for many. Sometimes these were commands, sometimes requests, and often said with a sting of reproach if we did not want to do what was expected. There certainly is nothing wrong with a parent teaching a child to be productive; it becomes harmful to the child when the parent says or does things that makes the child feel something is wrong with them if they do not want to do what they are told to do. Often, in the parent's desire to mold the child into a productive person, they fail to see who the child is, or to hear what the child needs. Children's feelings, thoughts and desires can be overlooked, or even ignored, and treated as unimportant, which is detrimental to the development of the child. 

Generally, parents do not intend to hurt their children's psyches. The intention usually is to make the child conform to what it wants the child to be. Unfortunately, often parents do not know who their child is here to be or what the childs' sacred calling is, so they do what they think they are supposed to do if they are a good parent, and that is to mold the child into an image of their definition of success. 

Is it any wonder we grow up conforming to the desires of others?  

I know too many men and women who drive themselves to be more and to do more, while ignoring the cry of their soul to be quiet, rest awhile and come home to their authentic Self. They do this, not because they long to be busy, but because it is how they were taught to be when they were a child.

Our soul calls us home to a place of peace and contentment, but we can't hear the call when we are too busy trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  

Whoever you are, and wherever your are, you deserve to live in love, and to walk in your sacred purpose. Listen to what your body is telling you, Offer yourself big, healthy doses of nurturing and comfort. Wrap your arms around yourself and give YOU a hug. Put your hands on your heart and softly whisper to yourself, "I am here", "I love you", "I see you". 

Stop, and ask yourself, "What do I need in this moment?"  "How do I feel in this moment?" Asking questions can be good, and answering honestly can be enlightening. 

Come home to yourself. You deserve to be seen and heard and to know you matter. You deserve to live large and inhabit your purpose. I know you matter greatly. Do you know how much you matter?

LISTENING

 "When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do-just hear me."   On Listening by Ralph Roughton

I do believe listening is a skill many do not have. We are taught to read and write. We are taught how to pronounce words and speak correctly. But, there are few classes on how to listen.

When I owned my management consulting firm, I used to write and present seminars and workshops. One of the favorites for me to present, and for the participants, was "Communication." It seemed to be an eye-opener for many to come to the understanding that they lacked the skill of listening. 

Some listening statistics:

Approximately 55% of our total communication time is spent listening.
On the average, Americans listen at an effective rate of only 25% and our immediate recall of the average brief message is 50%.
Within 48 hours we tend to forget 25% of what we heard
85% of what we know we learn by listening.

Listening is the total process of understanding the meaning conveyed by another. Therefore, to really hear what someone is saying we need to commit more than our sense of hearing to the process. We need to listen with our eyes watching for facial expressions, body language and gestures. We also need to listen with our heart so we can hear what's not being said.

We stop listening, or just don't listen, for many reasons. When I was a child and I was being lectured to, I'd hear what was being said with my ears, but the message went in one ear and out the other. The reason I didn't listen was because of the trigger words that were being used. 

Most of us. whether we are children or adults, respond negatively and stop listening when we hear the phrases: you should, you shouldn't, you always or you never. These are words that make most of us go deaf because we immediately have our anger or shame issues triggered by the words or phrases. 

Have you ever been trying to tell someone how you feel about something and wind up being hollered at, or put down by the other person? Have you ever tried expressing your feelings to another and have them tell you not to feel the way you feel? This is what happens when we do not know how to really listen and hear what someone is saying. 

When my husband and I first got serious about each other we made an agreement to communicate fairly and honestly. We agreed we would not use the words should, shouldn't, always or never in our debates or disagreements. Making blanket statements are unfair and almost always end in an argument or a shut down. Besides, what's true for most of us is we don't always, seldom never, and really, how could you possibly know what I should or shouldn't do. 

I believe many relationships fail because of lack of listening, and in many cases, due to lack of knowing how to say what we feel. When our statements to others are criticizing and demeaning, the listener jumps on the defense and cannot hear what is being said. When we are able to speak softly, and without blame, letting the other person know how we feel and what we need, without making them wrong and blaming them for how we feel, we can usually be heard. 

Sharing feelings and needs, and learning to listen to others, are a large part of what makes a relationship healthy and satisfying. It is never too late to start the practice of honing our listening skills. Start today. Put down whatever it is that you are doing and pay attention to others when they speak. Really listen!! Listen with your heart, not just your ears. You may be surprised at what you hear and what you learn when you start to listen. 

WE ALL NEED TO BE HEARD 💖💗💞

NURTURING OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

Matt Licata said, "Maybe, when it's all said and done, there will be only one question that remains. How well did I love here? Did I slow down and take the time to really experience this life? To help someone who was hurting? To paint something or dance, or to put my hands in some clay? To look into the eyes of the person passing by or into the eyes of a little one? Or to fall to the ground in awe of the earth and her beauty and her power and her grace? Did I really allow myself to experience the sunrise or the moon, or a child playing, or the colors and the falling leaves? Or the holiness, and being able to take one full breath?"

No one knows how long we have to live, so treating each moment like it is special, and a gift, does matter. We are not here to be busy—we are here to be. I see so many running to and fro; many running from themselves. My question is, "What do you think you will lose if you take a moment or two to do any of the above?" 

Slow down!! Honor and nurture yourself and your loving spirit. Within, we all long to connect with life, with the divine, and with others. We also have a deep desire to connect with our Self. When we truly see and understand the divinity of our life, we are empowered to stop and take a few breaths, go within, check in with our bodies, sit still, and just be for a moment. 

Because we are in a world that is moving beyond fast and we are bombarded with news of chaos, war, anger and hate, we need to step aside and connect with the other part of our world which is love, kindness, softness and compassion. This is the energy that is flooding the earth and I am convinced that the more humans slow down and spend time with Self and others, the more the love and kindness will flow. Light is overtaking darkness. 

Last year, I took a twelve week class on "Resting Your Nervous System." It was an eye-opener and a game changer in my life. I was introduced to the tenderness and sensitivity of the nervous system. To my shock, I began to see how misunderstood and mistreated my nervous system had been. Lacking an awareness of the tenderness of the system, I overworked, overwhelmed and even abused my nervous system and then wondered why I was anxious, depressed and panicky. 

I could not even begin to tell you the times in my life when I was tired or overwhelmed or in need of quiet, and I kept going. I continued to drive myself because it was my responsibility, or my job, or I needed the money, or it was expected of me. Often it was because I just did not yet understand how precious my life was and that I deserved the best. 

I was a master at filling the spare moments with activity. Sometimes the activity was social media or TV, or a new project. There is nothing wrong with any of these activities, there is nothing wrong with being busy and accomplishing goals. The problem comes in when we forget to pay attention to the inner yearnings of our soul. 

Because the nervous system is very tender we can easily overwhelm it. It is our nervous system that lets us know when we are safe. When we push it and demand it contain more than it is able to, we take away our sense of safety and we wind up outside our window of tolerance, in a place of overwhelm. This can create a state of anxiety, stress and tension. We sometimes don't even realize what we are doing to ourselves until a breakdown happens, which could be a panic attack, an anxiety attack, illness or we plunge into depression. Sadly, in need of relief we often revert to taking a pill, which is a temporary fix. 

What is the prescription for a fractured nervous system and how do we bring healing and rest to our nervous system?  How do we nurture this tender system of ours? We listen to it, we give ourselves quiet time, not to scroll through social media, but to BE with life. Take a few moments to smell, feel and listen. Give yourself space in between. Rest when tired. Pay attention to those things in life that activate you and get you going, and question whether you want to continue being activated, or, are you ready to form some new pathways for your life. Let's choose peace!!