TOXIC THOUGHTS AND PEOPLE

 Toxic: Very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. 

When something is insidious it is dangerous in ways that are not always evident. We can have thoughts and ideas that rule our life and not even be aware that we are being ruled by something negative.

An example would be: I used to have the thought/idea that someone who lived a spiritual life, lived a certain way. I thought that kind of life would be on an even keel, no ups and downs, no thorns in the roses, manifesting what you want by thinking it into existence, always being happy, always positive and above the fray. It took me a while to realize this was a pipe dream, bullshit, and something people made up and fed to others as truth. 

When I lived from this thought, I believed I had gone astray, or made a wrong turn, if and when I was in a low place. I have many times, even recently, felt like I was a rudderless ship on the sea of life with a failed purpose, a forgotten cause and I was somehow left behind. In other words, believing that a spiritual life was all mountain top experiences, set me up for anxiety, harsh self-judgment and sadness.

I have come to realize how toxic my thoughts can be. The reason they are so toxic is because I believed they were true. That is the insidiousness of our thoughts. Most of us believe our thoughts are true. We actually take them to be absolute in many cases and lead our lives, make our decisions and behave according to what we think is true. This can be dangerous and can keep us stuck in low places.

How do you identify your toxic thoughts? You pay attention to your life and you question your thoughts. Because you thought something was one way all of your life, does not mean you cannot question it, if and when you realize it does not work for your highest and best. Because mom, dad or grandma said it was so, does not make it absolute. 

When we lived in Kentucky, I had a friend who only wore basic colors. I, on the other hand, wore a lot of bright red and purple. Finally, one day she told me she had been taught by her mother, that only women of the night wore red, so she thought it was wrong to wear red. I was shocked! My response to her was, "Isn't it wonderful that you are an adult, and you can make your own decisions and form new thoughts about what you can wear? If you like red, I support you in wearing red." She still would not wear red, because she was too afraid it would upset her mother and people would wrongly judge her. This is what I mean when I say our thoughts can be toxic because they are insidious.  She had no idea her thought was not an absolute truth, so she was held captive to that thought for most of her life. 

When I began to question my thoughts I began to see a life lived in spirit differently. I learned about reaching for the heavens while keeping my feet on the ground. I remembered I am a human being, subject to the laws of life and the universe. I learned, and am learning on a daily basis, to embrace whatever is in front of me. I have also learned I can love something without liking it. I can love the divinity in people without liking how they do life. I can accept people for where they are without having to hang out with them. I can find joy in washing my dishes, sitting in silence and embracing the emptiness, without making it wrong. I am learning to be content on a daily basis. And when stuff happens to knock me off keel, I am learning to look at it, do what I need to do in the middle of it and then go on and let it be.

Changing thoughts from toxic to life-affirming is not always easy. But, it is definitely do-able. 

I do believe life is meant to be joyful and peaceful. I also believe it is highly possible to be filled with joy and peace, even when we are in the lions den. When it feels like life is going against us, people are not happy with us and are calling us names, the roof is leaking and the AC is not working, we are cash strapped or we are physically ill, we each have the ability to change our thoughts about it all and find our joy and peace in the fray. It is a matter of changing our thoughts about it and thereby adjusting our vision.    

On the topic of toxicity, I need to address the fact that often, toxic people cross our path and sometimes even become a part of our lives. It has taken a while for me to learn that I do not have to entertain, or hang out with toxic people. Like toxic thoughts, they can be pervasive and insidious and can cut you in two, while smiling and pretending all is well. Sometimes, toxic people can suck the life out of us. I don't know that they mean to do what they do, or behave the way they do, but whether it is planned or not, we have options. One option we have is to understand how life-affirming it is to realize neither I, nor you, need to present ourselves to anyone who tends to be denigrating to who we are. 

It is okay to walk away from toxic relationships in any form, whether it be thoughts, ideas, relationships, situations, or people. It is okay to care enough about yourself to walk away from negativity, and to change your thoughts to be more life-affirming.   

You matter. We all matter, and it is up to each of us to weed out the toxicity in our lives.