TO BE SEEN

 "The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are — without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are."

- Debbie Ford

 Since my last blog, I have gone in and out of questioning myself about what to write this week. I have had numerous thoughts float in and out of my mind but none were sticking. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it is actually quite the opposite. However, my conundrum is saying what I need to say when I need to say it. After careful consideration and quiet time to see what is in the forefront of my thoughts, I keep coming up with the phrase, "to be seen." Every human has the need to be seen, not so much seen physically, but seen for the totality of who we are

Since I was not seen or acknowledged for who I was as a child, I did not begin to see myself for who I am until much later in life. In fact, I don't think I even knew or thought about having an authentic self hiding within. I was in my late 40's before the phrase "authentic self" was even contemplated.  That was not part of the conversation in our home when I was growing up. It was, actually, just the opposite. What I did hear, as most children hear, is how I needed to conform and be who my family wanted me to be. I don't think anyone ever said that to me but their actions said it over and over.

When I began this spiritual soul journey in the early 1980's, I thought it was going to be a mountaintop experience. I thought being enlightened would mean overcoming me and rising above it all. And that is part of the journey, however that is not the part that helps uncover the hidden self. I hoped I could maybe meditate my way around me. However, my burning within for truth and reality, for authenticity, trumped my desire to bypass my humanity which included all the pain and trauma lodged within.  Leaving my humanness behind or pushing it aside and continuing to suppress it seemed to be the easy way out but it was soon apparent that route was not for me.  Thanks be to the energy which created me, I was never going to be satisfied until I plunged the depths and found my way back to me. 

When I was a child I was told often by some family members that I was a bad girl, I did not have the sense god gave me, I was driving my grandma crazy, I needed to calm down and stop acting like a wild Indian, and the list goes on and on.  My way of being was not acceptable and I was given the impression that I was a dreamer and a sinner, I was to be seen and not heard, and too bad I couldn't be more like so and so (a cousin or friend.) When I was not being given negative messages about who I was I got the messages from how I was treated. Being a child, as all children do, we believe the adults in our world are next to god and we accept what they say as true because we need their acceptance and approval, 

As a result of the messages I heard, I learned to repress my natural instincts and most of my feelings. Emotions were put into a category of good or bad and safe or unsafe. I learned crying was not okay, extreme joy was a bit too much and way too loud, and anger or rage was punished because I had nothing to be angry about. 

Lest I give the impression my family was a bunch of ogres, let me be clear about them. We were a loving and close family. Our home was always filled with cousins and aunts and uncles and we had a lot of good family fun. What I did not know as a child, but I do know today, is that my family (mother & grandparents) loved me with the love they had and raised me with the knowledge they had. They had never heard of such a concept as "your child needs to be seen for who he/she is". All the healing tools and modalities we have available today were not publicly known then. So, they passed on to me what they had and what they knew, which was:  suppress your feelings, be a good girl, do not wear white after Labor Day, do not tell family secrets, go to church on Sunday and do not question what you are being taught, do not question your religion and do not question god. They meant well and they wanted me to be happy , they just did not want me to be myself. Obeying the rules was the name of the game and the children who obeyed the rules were the good ones. Then there were those who were like me. 

Try as I might, I had a very hard time obeying the rules so I could blend in and be accepted as part of the good ones. I learned how far I could go and went the distance. I did not want to be hit or punished or talked down to, I just could not stay within the parameters they set.

What I know today is that I was a curious child who had a lot of questions. I was often looking for a way of expressing myself and acted out in frustration,  I came to earth to be me and unfortunately my family could not accept me as the precocious, gritty, talkative, creative and loud child that I was. So, of course I thought something was wrong with me. 

 It has taken a long time for me to actually "get" that who I am is okay. Once I started seeing and accepting me as I am with all of my imperfections, my life changed. I can still be a drama queen but my need for drama in order to be seen and heard has decreased tremendously. I can still be busy as a bee and take on too much in order to not have time to spend with myself but thankfully my authentic self pulls me back and reminds me it is okay to take sacred pauses as often as I want and for as long as I want. 

Being me feels pretty good and I am learning that as long as I love, embrace and nurture myself, and that means every part of me, the good, the not so good and the ugly. I am okay and at peace.  The more I see and know myself the more I know the messages I received as a child were not true, they were only others opinions of how they saw me. 

Becoming intimate with self is not an easy task. It requires courage to face the hidden and unknown parts of self that are usually suppressed so we don't have to see them or feel them. However, here is what I know. Underneath the suppressed stuff (emotion, trauma) is  the real self, the peaceful, loving,  kind and comfortable self. The one we came here to be, the one we long to express. 

See you! Be you!

YOU MATTER

ABOUT BEING HUMAN

 

My friend, Charmaine, posted this to her page last week and it jumped out at me. I have been thinking about this very topic and making notes on it daily,

This past week was not an easy one for me because I was sick. I took 2 Covid tests and both were negative so I guess I just had a bad cold, cough, headache, body aches and fever. Thanks to those who cared for me during this time with daily phone calls and food. I made it through and today I feel okay. 

When I am in a low spot or a state of overwhelm, what I need most is loving-kindness, care and compassion, a helping hand. It soothes my heart and is calming to my nervous system to know someone is there who cares, and I am not alone.  

We are humans and we need human touch and human care. We need to hear words that matter and feel compassion coming from others. Sometimes we need to be touched or held. Most of all we need to be seen wherever we are and in whatever state we are in at the moment. 

Love, care and compassion are all verbs!!  They demand action if they are going to have any meaning, It is too easy to say, "I'm praying for you" or "Just take a deep breath" or "Please just chill out," don't be silly," or worst of all, "OMG, what's the matter with you?"

These are platitudes and can sound hollow and empty to someone who is in pain, whether it be physical, emotional or psychological.  

It demands action to be there for each other. When we are there for each other our responses are "human" centered. For instance, "I am sorry you are having to go through that."

"I am here for you."

"What can I do for you?"

"What do you need from me?"

"How can I help you?"

"I hear you."

Once care and comfort are offered and the person is feeling safer, then "I am praying for you," and "take a deep breath," can be heard.

Save the platitudes for another time. Offer humanity first.

Benevolent gestures of love, understanding and compassion let others know they are not alone, because we are there for them. This is humanity at its best. Being there for each other. 

Caring, nurturing and holding a space for others to feel safe in whatever they are going through at that time is the ultimate gift of love. This is what being present to others is about. 

Play and Laughter

😀 "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."   Woody Allen

Have you ever laughed so hard you have spit whatever was in your mouth across the room? Or doubled over, unable to breathe because your body is convulsing with laughter?  I have and I easily remember the intense feeling of being part of something that is hilarious. I love to laugh!! It is like internal exercise and according to the Mayo Clinic, laughter is a good stress reliever. It also stimulates many organs, it enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. No wonder I always feel better after laughing. I have a hunch that shutting out play time that includes a lot of laughter also increases our aging process.

I was thinking this morning about how much fun it is to play and to laugh and the value there is in having fun. My favorite gatherings are when people come over and we sit around the table playing Uno or poker or other board games. No matter what we choose to play during those gatherings, we always have fun and laugh a lot. I feel better after those events. Sometimes my jaw hurts from laughing so hard but I feel energized after a play session.

I wonder what has happened to so many adults that made us think that because we were grown ups we were supposed to be serious. I have come to the conclusion that I can be serious when needed and I can be silly when desired. There are certain people in my life who I love to be around because we know we are free to be as silly as we want to be. 

Thinking back to when I was a child, in the 1940's, my every day in the summer and every weekend during the school year was an opportunity to get outside and play.  We played ladies, house, tag, hide and seek, dodge ball, red rover, Simon says, football and baseball and sometimes we rode our bicycles for hours. I hurriedly did my chores so I could get outside and play. 

We played to our hearts content and never wanted to come inside.  When we played we put our whole hearts into what we were doing. If the weather was bad out, I would sit in my bedroom and play paper dolls for hours. I never got bored or complained that I had nothing to do. Playtime was the highlight of my life then and I am noticing how important it is to me at this juncture of my journey. 

Last Saturday afternoon, Paul and I sat and binge watched Schitts Creek and hooted and hollered with laughter. Christmas afternoon he and I sat at our kitchen table and he read excerpts from "The Little Fart Book" out loud. We both laughed till we hurt and after a couple of hours we put the book away and did something else. It seems something magical happens between us when we play and laugh together. I love to play, I love to laugh and I honestly think it is what keeps me young at heart. 

In the chaotic, fast-paced world we live in today it is easy to get caught up in the minutiae of every day life and forget to take time out for whole hearted living. I pray that every one who reads this has an outlet in their life where they can let go and throw themselves into playtime and laughter. If you are one who does not have that in your life, I encourage you to create an outlet for yourself where you can be lighthearted and free. One of our greatest freedoms is the freedom to laugh out loud.

"We don't stop playing because we turn old, we turn old because we stop playing,"  Satchel Paige

 

INTO THE UNKNOWN

After 5 years of blogging and then shutting down my blog,  I was inspired to reopen it and start blogging again. This was a couple of years ago. I wrote 2 blogs and then stopped again because I realized the timing was not right. So here I am in July, 2022, blogging again. This time, I believe I am on target.

My writing life came to an end in 2016 when I began to feel empty and the words slowly stopped flowing. It became tedious for me to sit at my computer and attempt to put words on a page. My book, Alchemy 365, had just been published and I was busy promoting it on social media, on my web page and in my blog. I was strongly feeling an urge to let it all go and step into the unknown. I was not sure  how to do that nor was I keen on doing it, but I knew I had to follow the voice within. Making the decision was not easy because I didn't know how to give up writing, which had been a large part of my life. For a while I tried painting the rocks blue and pretending there was water where there was none. Finally the day came when I had to throw in the towel and follow the leading of my spirit and let it all go. Little did I know that Spirit had other plans for me and that it would bring me back to my love of writing.

For the next 5 years I learned the meaning of how powerful letting go and stepping into the unknown can be. I learned that I can trust my inner voice, that I can be quiet within and let the universe do its work, I learned I don't have to hold it all together. I found a depth of compassion, self-love and self-nurturing. Most of all I found another layer of myself. I found all of this in the strangest way and in a way I never would have imagined. 

I saw an ad in our little home town paper. The state was looking for volunteers to become Guardian Ad Litems. I didn't even know what a GAL was but for reasons unknown, I felt an urging to respond to the ad. I soon found out that a Guardian Ad Litem (CASA in some states) is a court appointed special advocate for abused and neglected children who are in the system. At this point in my life I was not what one would consider a person who was ga-ga over children. Children were okay, I had my own, but I did not necessarily want to be around other peoples children on an ongoing basis. I decided maybe this wasn't for me after all and I laid the thought aside. However, every week the ad kept appearing and every week I would read it again. I finally realized this was something I was supposed to seriously look at and consider doing so I responded to the ad. A month went by without getting a response so I figured it obviously wasn't for me after all. Then, I received a phone call, followed by an application, followed by a request for an in person interview. 

After going through an in depth background check and a training program, I was confirmed by the court and given my first case. I was very unsure of myself because I didn't know if I was going to be able to relate to these children. To my surprise and total delight I soon found myself completely engrossed in and committed to the lives and the well being of the children I was advocating for. I learned how to be an advocate. I learned how to be a symbol of love and trust to the children and before I knew it I found myself handling 5 cases at a time. No case was too hard for me because I saw and understood the suffering of the children. My life was filled with care, compassion and genuine concern for each child I was privileged to advocate for. 

Working with these children helped me to get in touch with my inner child and have a clearer picture of the emotional pain I was carrying due to events in my childhood. I often saw myself in the children. They mirrored to me my anger and sadness and my lack of self worth. I also saw myself in some of the parents and their apparent lack of parenting skills exacerbated by their own unresolved emotional pain and suffering. 

The more I opened myself to the children and fell in love with each and every one of them, the more clearly I saw what had been hidden under my busyness, which was a construct to keep me from going deep within and seeing my self. The more I saw the more I learned to embrace myself and come to a place of acceptance for the imperfect human I am. As I embraced and nurtured all of what I was seeing I began to grow in self love and self kindness and the more I loved me the more that love spilled over onto the children.  Without knowing it, these children turned out to be my healers and I will hold each of them in my heart forever. I also believe I brought love, acceptance and trust into these children's lives and that they will carry those gifts in their hearts. 

After 5 years of being a Guardian Ad Litem my husband and I decided to move to another state and I had to resign my position. As I look back on that time I understand that by allowing myself to go into the void, which I thought was going to be all blackness, I experienced  a huge turning point and stepping stone in my life.  I am preparing to write my second book and I now find my words starting to flow again.