ENFOLDING LIFE AS IT UNFOLDS

To enfold is to wrap up, embrace or surround. 

To unfold is to open and spread out, to reveal, display or unwrap.

Enfolding and unfolding are at opposite ends of the spectrum, since one is about embracing or holding close and the other is about opening and spreading out. 

What I know about life is this. If we are awake and aware, and therefore paying attention, we will notice that life continuously unfolds. Events and circumstances are always giving us the opportunity to see life and ourselves in a new way.  

As who I am, the authentic me, unfolds, I am given the choice to either embrace what I see or make it wrong and deny it. We are always at choice about whether we react negatively or respond positively. 

It is not always easy to accept what I see unfolding before my eyes. However, experience has taught me that when I make the decision to let whatever is there to be what it is, and not fight it or deny it, I grow as a human and my soul experiences a new level of healing. 

As I have given myself over to the healing of my childhood wounds, and the growing of my soul, I have had experience after experience happen in my life, and these experiences have presented the opportunity for me to enfold what was unfolding. Often, I wanted to deny what was before my eyes, but thankfully I found the courage to enfold instead. 

One example of what I am talking about is:

About two years ago, some family members came to spend a couple of weeks here at my house. One of my guests was a teenager. Now, let me tell you, I love this child very much and was glad to have her here. However, as the days went by I found myself reacting to her negatively. I was always angry with her. I got to the point where I could hardly bear being around her and made her wrong for everything she did or said. 

Finally, one morning, sitting out on my patio, while thinking about what was going on with this child, and writing about it, I had a great unfolding. Suddenly, before me was the truth of the situation. I saw myself, when I was her age, in her. I saw her doing the things I did out of my discomfort in being who I was. As a young girl,  I longed to be seen, and to be heard and accepted.  Because I felt unseen, unheard and judged for being who I was, I acted out. I said and did inappropriate things. I saw her doing the same things I had done. But most importantly, what really got to me was realizing the pain she was carrying in her being. 

Recognizing her pain activated the unhealed sorrow and pain that I was carrying from my tumultuous teenage years. Seeing myself in her, enabled me to sit with that pain and let it in. As I sat with in, I had a deep awareness of the choice before me.  I could embrace my suffering child within so I could open the door for healing to happen or I could deny the pain I was carrying and just continue to shut her out and therefore shut out the pain that was swirling around in me.  I knew enough to know that until I allowed myself to embrace/enfold this pain, it would not go away. It would be exacerbated and activated whenever faced with a similar situation, such as what I was experiencing. 

The morning this unfolded before me, this sweet little teenager woke up and told another family member that she knew I did not like her. She cried because she felt I was being mean to her.

The other family member came to me and told me how this child was feeling. I told her, "Oh my gosh. She is right. I am just now seeing this unfold before my eyes and I need to apologize to her and make this right."

I went to the child and told her how sorry I was for being mean to her and for rejecting her. I went on to tell her how my behavior had nothing to do with her because she was just being her sweet self, but it had to do with me. I let her know that because I saw my teenage self in her,  all of that hurt and anger I felt then came back up in me. Because I had not yet healed that part of my life, I could not allow it to be in front of me. It brought up too much hurt that needed to be embraced and held lovingly by me, and I had not been willing to do that, so I rejected her. 

Facing our orphans, the pieces of self that we ignore, deny and reject, do not go away. They only go into hiding for a while, but will resurface again and again. Invariably, someone will say or do something and BAM, that stuff is activated. The result is usually pain or anger or both. Because we are endowed with choice we can either acknowledge/embrace what has been activated, or we can continue to push it back down and not let the light shine on it. 

Thankfully, I was able to enfold that which was unfolding,and she and I were able to reach out to each other. As I shared my insight with her, she was able to hear me  and we held each other and we cried together. It was a healing time for me and for this precious teenage girl. 

It is not easy to enfold the unacceptable parts and memories of our lives, but it is important if we want to lead an authentic life and be at peace.