GRIEF

 

Grief:  1. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. 2. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow. 3. Informal. trouble; difficulty; annoyance.

For some reason, most of humanity seems to equate grief with something to be avoided at all cost. We want to run from sadness or emotional pain. We want to escape feeling loss or sorrow. 

I do understand that we are a society of "positivity" and think that to feel what is really there is to miss the boat, and to somehow be wrong about life. We want to turn all losses into wins, instead of allowing self to be with the loss and grieve it.

I find myself facing grief often. I feel a sense of loss about life in general and my life in particular. I grieve the loss of life as I knew it and find myself saying all too often, "Please take me back to the 40's and50's when life was so much simpler." 

One of the things I have the most nostalgia about when it comes to the 40's and50's, is that family all lived close by. People were not scattered all over the country and the world. We (my family) and friends, all lived within an hour or so from each other. Most of us could ride our bikes to spend the day with a friend or a cousin. My grandparents were present, we celebrated every holiday, birthday and Sunday together. I don't think I appreciated that when I was younger, but I certainly do appreciate it now. And I have a longing and a sadness within over the fact that I miss my family. I miss my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I miss my cousins. I miss life as I used to know it.

I also grieve the loss of the days when there were winners and losers. Everyone did not have to win. In fact, it was important that we knew how to lose gracefully and how to celebrate ours and others successes.

I miss the days when I had a healthy body and I could do almost anything. I did not realize what a wonderful gift good health is until I lost mine. 

I miss spending Sundays with family. We always had family dinners, including when my children were growing up. Dinner with family was always important cause it was a time to gather around a table and share the bounty of the earth with each other. Family dinners were full of conversation, and I miss that.

I still grieve the loss of my mother and my brother. I knew my mother was going so I was prepared for her death but I was not ready to give up my brother. He and I were the only two left and we had grown to the place of openly sharing our lives and love with each other. I really miss him. 

Feeling loss and emotional sadness is okay. It is much better for us physically, mentally and spiritually to grieve our losses. Tears are good and it is healthy to cry. It is also an act of self-love.

Over the years, I have learned that once I give myself permission to grieve and to cry, I feel so much better. I feel a deep sense of calmness within after I have a good cry. So, go ahead and cry. Let it out, let the catharsis happen. Cry till you are cried out. It is okay to cry with abandon. Wail, if you must. Do whatever you need to do to let go of the grief and sadness. 

Let go of the thought that it is weak to cry; that something is wrong with you if you feel anything other than happiness all the time. Be real!!Be authentic!!