I have been missing. I fell into a dark hole in December and I am just now climbing out, one step at a time. January and February wound up being one day after the other, that I just had to find a way to get through. I felt abandoned and disillusioned, and very sick in my body.
At the end of December, adding to my already physically ill body, I caught the flu from a family member. There was a time when I had such a great immune system, I rarely caught anything from anybody. However, since having long haul covid, I seem to be susceptible to a lot of stuff. This bout of flu lasted for close to a month.
While going through that, we brought a high-spirited, strong and strong-willed seven week puppy into our life. Trying to manage him in this little space without a fenced in yard wound up being one of the biggest challenges of my adult life. Paul and I finally threw in the towel last weekend and rehomed him. We both feel better because he is a wonderful home with children, another dog and a young, loving family.
I am starting to see daylight and I feel lighter in my body and psyche. During this very difficult time Paul, and my sister friends kept me going. They were present to me and understood that I was close to losing it. Thankfully, these women called me, took me out to lunch, and basically kept a close check on me to let me know they cared and they were there. More than once, on my darkest of days, my sister friends reached out and brought me back to life.
Paul also stepped up to the plate and took over so many of my household chores. He was my shoulder to cry on, and I cried daily, my listening ear and my staunch supporter. I had a strong feeling my life was coming to an end. Not that I would end it, but that my illness, coupled with my loss of hope, was going to end my life. I do not fear death, and until recently had a strong will to live, but over the past three months I more than once woke up, lay in bed and let goddess mother know I was ready to go.
It has been many years since I have been in that low and scary place in my life. I usually have vim and vigor, high levels of energy, clarity and vision about my life, and life in general. Then, the perfect storm hit and I was leveled. I am grateful today to feel a bit better in my body. I still get short of breath with activity, which creates fatigue. There were times I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. I still am tired but the fatigue is not as devastating as it had been. I am even more grateful to once again see light and hope.
So I am back, participating in life once more. I have started working on my book again. I do not know how often I will be blogging but have a feeling it will probably be when the need to blog hits me. I still write every day, I'm just not sharing my writing at this time. I am giving myself a lot of down time, walking in the woods and hugging trees, reading and taking naps and communing with Spirit. This is also a time when I am reminding myself of my purpose for being here, and remembering that I am not through doing what I came to do, or being who I came to be.
Life goes on and I am glad to be here. 💖💗AND STILL I RISE!!!
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