Self-Agression

 

Self-Aggression

I few months back I took a class from Matt Licata, Ph.D., one of my favorite authors and psychotherapists.  The class was "Resting Your Nervous System."  I learned so much from that class and still refer back to my notes for reminders of the life changing information I was given.  

One of the lessons I learned and really took to heart was paying attention to how I aggress against myself. I have done this all of my life but was not aware that when I beat myself up emotionally or mentally I am practicing self demeaning behavior.

Self-aggression is behaviors that are a result of negative emotions that are self-directed and that can cause physical or emotional harm.  Most of those negative emotions are a result of the messages we heard in childhood and/or the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences in life.  I have never practiced physical self-aggression but have practiced emotional self-aggression many times over in my lifetime.

A few examples of self-aggression are:

• To make yourself wrong for an action and then inflict self-punishment by retreating into silence or aloneness. You refuse to speak to others as you pout, but you are full of negative self talk.   
• When you feel unsupported or unheard and you tell yourself nobody cares how you feel and then you retreat into silence and aloneness and refuse to speak to others, but are full of negative self talk.
• When you call yourself names (negative self talk) and/or label yourself negatively, like I am ugly, I am stupid, I am fat, I am dumb, I'm just a lazy ass, I'm a loser, I will never get it right, I just can't win,etc.  
• When you are tired and your body is screaming for rest and relaxation but you keep going because you know somebody has to do it and you don't know how to ask fo help or how to walk away and honor what your body needs. 

Self-aggression is acting against yourself instead of acting on behalf of yourself. The opposite of self-aggression is self-love, self-care and kindness, compassion and tenderness towards self.

Self-aggression can be so insidious we do not even know we are doing it. It is easy to get caught up in self-blame and self-hatred and I have seen others and myself go fom 0 to 100 in a matter of minutes.

The bottom line is we all deserve to be treated with care, love and respect. When others do not see your worth or act on your behalf, it is time to see your own worth and act on your own behalf.

Take care of yourself.  Honor yourself as a creation of divine energy and as a good human being. Love yourself. Treat yourself with kindness. Give yourself a break. Take a warm bath and soak as long as you want with a nice glass of wine and a good book. Take a walk in the woods. Go for a bike ride. Take a nap. Have a cup of tea or a cup of home made hot cocoa (you might even lace it with Kahlua). Do something that feels good for you. You deserve it all!!

YOU MATTER.