Empathic courage is the courage to open and feel deeply for others. The word empathy comes from the Greek words, en, which means in, and pathos, which means feeling. So, to be empathetic means to have the ability to share in another's emotions, thoughts, or feelings. Courage is the quality of being brave.
Empathic courage requires us to put aside assumptions about others and about life, let go of bias, question our prejudices and be willing to learn something new. It means being brave enough to look beyond the veil that we carefully construct, over a lifetime, to protect our beliefs and biases.
Last week, I wrote about being willing to remove the blinders. This weeks blog is about building on the idea of seeing more clearly.
I am continually learning that when I fight myself, others, or life, in order to hold fast to a belief, whether I want to admit it or not, I am feeling like my belief is being threatened. When I harden my stance in order to protect my belief, I am afraid of losing something.
We all have personal beliefs, and for the most part, we think our beliefs are the true beliefs. If another's belief contradicts mine, then they are wrong because what I believe must be true. I mean, after all, if I am willing to fight for it, it must be true, right?? (I am bring ludicrous)
The majority of humans are raised with prejudice and biases and we dig our heels in the sand when it comes to upholding them. The ironic thing about this is, as I wrote last week, so many of our beliefs, which are based on prejudice and bias, are not even ours. They were taught to us by caretakers, families, schools, religions, government and culture. As children, when someone in authority tells us something is so, we believe what they say. However, what is being passed on to us is not necessarily the truth. We may take it as truth at that moment, but later on in life we may question it and in the process come to realize that it is no longer our truth.
When we find ourselves digging our heels in the sand to avoid questioning, or changing a belief, we can be sure we are walling ourselves into a small space. Unfortunately, that small space only includes those of like mind, and excludes those, and that, which is different from what we believe to be true.
Here is the problem with that. We run the risk of staying the same in believing ideas that not only no longer work for us, but some that may be downright harmful to self and others.
Here are some of the beliefs that were fed to me when I was growing up. I held fast to them for many years, but gratefully, the time came when I began to step back and take a hard look at some of the ridiculous ideas that formed my life.
These are in no particular order: (For the record, I do not hold to any of these beliefs any longer)
- The Catholic religion was the only true religion and Catholics were the only ones going to heaven.
- Black people were here to serve and care for white people. My grandparents believed black people had no soul. They were inferior.
- Italians were wops and dagos. They were moody and could be mean.
- Jewish people were greedy.
- Witches were evil and I should be afraid of them.
- To wear white after labor day was a major faux pas.
- In order to be admired by boys, girls needed to shave their legs and underarms.
- Columbus discovered America
- Males were superior and females competed for their attention.
- God/creator, was male, my father and if I did not obey him and his rules he would send me to a place where I would burn for eternity.
- Children were to be seen and not heard..
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