Wednesday, February 1, 2023

IT'S AN INSIDE JOB - LEAVING THE VICTIM ROLE BEHIND

 IT'S AN INSIDE JOB - LEAVING THE VICTIM ROLE BEHIND



Most of what I write about is what I already know, and/or what I am continuing to learn on an almost daily basis .One thing I recognized a long time ago is that I am here to learn, and that Planet Earth is my school and life is my lesson.

The desire of my heart has been, and continues to be, to complete my journey home to my authentic self. This means I have to stay awake and aware and remember to look within for my answers to those things that create angst and frustration in my life.

I spent the first part of my life looking outside of myself, blaming other people and circumstances for life not being the way I wanted it to be. As I have said before, it is so easy to look at others and blame them for what and how we feel at any given moment. If only she, he or it would change!! 

When we blame others we are actively playing the role of the victim. Someone is doing something, or not doing something, to mess up my idyllic life and to make me angry. She chews too loud and that aggravates me, he won't pick up his clothes and that makes me angry, she spends too much money and it pisses me off and I could go on and on. I am sure you get the picture. 

We can continue to go on like this for the rest of our life, being victimized and sighing heavily, if we so choose. Or we can decide/choose to do something different. 

I was a victim when I was a child because I had no choices and I did not know what I know now. Glory be, that as I matured I became aware of the all the possibilities for bringing healing to my life.

Learning to go within is a tremendous healing tool. It can heal our childhood wounds, thereby healing our relationships with self and others. When we quit looking at others as the source of our discomfort and start to look within, life changes as healing occurs. 

Something important to know about going within is to understand that the purpose of love is to bring up everything unlike itself for the purpose of healing. I know this to be true. We are relational beings, our wounding happened in relationships with others and healing occurs in relationships. If you really want to see the wounds you carry within, get into a loving relationship and given enough time, they will definitely show up.

Relationships are challenging. When they are new, they are fun. He is prince charming and she is a dream come true. There may be things about the other person that are not perfect, but in the early stage of a relationship, which is a stage of living in euphoria, we overlook stuff. Maybe he'll change, maybe she will lose weight, maybe he will speak softer, maybe she will learn to cook, etc., etc., ,etc. 

This is so not only in love relationships but in new jobs, a new baby, a new home and almost anything that is new and is a dream come true. We all go through the honeymoon stage in relationship to anything and anyone.

However, once the euphoria wears off and we start seeing more clearly, is when we tend to start nitpicking and blaming it or them for our unhappiness or irritation. We thought the job would be great, but we find out the boss is impossible. We thought moving to the country was the best thing possible, but we are miles from everything. We thought he/she was the one we were waiting for, but we find out she snores at least half the night, he won't take out the trash, she is self-centered and lazy, and he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything exciting. .Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  

It has taken time for me to remember that in order to live in peace and joy and to have loving relationships, I need to go within for the answers to why I am being activated by others. We all have triggers or activation points; those things that bring our anger, rage or sadness to the surface.  And I know it is easier to blame others for why I am being triggered, but it also is a sure way to kill the relationship with him/her or it.

 As I continue to practice looking within and being honest with myself, the more peaceful I have become in myself and in my relationships. Learning to live in peace and contentment is an inside job. By the way, another beautiful thing that happens when we open the door to our soul is we get to see how truly amazing we are!! YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT AND YOU MATTER...



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