I"M TIRED.

 I am tired.  In fact, I feel worn out. I have been dealing with a health issue for about six months now and it is taking its toll.

Sometime last summer, I began to have shortness of breath and extreme fatigue. Walking on an incline was too much and walking across a flat surface carrying something in my arms was beyond too much. I continually found myself having to stop and work to catch a deep breath. 

I went to my cardiologist who looked at all of my tests and records from the year before, when I had a pacemaker put in my chest.  He found nothing to suggest why I was short of breath, so he scheduled me for a nuclear stress test. This was done in November and nothing was found to be out of order there. 

Next, I went to my PCP who ordered blood work. She saw nothing in the test results to say why I was short of breath, so she referred me to a pulmonologist. Meanwhile, the shortness of breath was still ongoing, but some of the fatigue had abated. So, I was feeling better but I still could not exert myself in any matter without losing my breath.

I saw the pulmoologist in February and she ordered pulmonary function tests which were done this past Monday. She is still unsure about why I am having these issues, so in order to rule out certain diagnoses she has ordered a new echogram, a CT scan of my lungs and six weeks of using a nebulizer. I am going along with the program in an effort to regain my ability to have an active life without losing my breath. 

As I am dealing with this, last week my oldest daughter wound up in the ER in New Orleans. She had extreme fatigue, a headache, that on a scale of 1-10, was a 20, very high blood pressure, nausea, and fever. They admitted her to the hospital and did a spinal tap because they thought it might be meningitis or some type of infectious disease.  The tap proved them wrong so they are doing new tests, including MRI's of the brain. They are now looking at something autoimmune. 

She has been in the hospital for a week now, her condition was not improving, and she is sick. My daughter is so near and dear to my heart and the bond between us is strong, so I am not only worried about her health, I am also feeling such a heaviness in my heart knowing my child is suffering.  

So, here I am in Virginia sending emails to the patient advocate center, calling her hepatologist (who is not involved in this case) and talking to the floor nurse who is tending to her.  I have been on speaker phone with  the infectious disease specialist, who is on the case, in an attempt to get some answers, and talking and questioning anyone else in the medical field at that hospital who will listen to me, and no one has any answers. 

I am cried out and I am stressed out. After trying to control and handle the situation from almost a thousand miles away, while dealing with my own health issues, I decided yesterday to step back and let her husband and siblings pick up the ball and run with it. Besides, I don't know where to go next or who else to call and complain to. 

Thankfully, after deciding to give up the struggle, it seems the needle is now moving. I was on speaker phone this morning with her neurologist and finally, it seems they are beginning to get a feel for what has been wrong. It has been a process of elimination. Yesterday they changed her entire medication regimen and the new meds seem to be helping with the pain, high blood pressure and fever. There still is no definitive diagnosis, but her symptoms are improving.

I don't give up or give in easily because my m.o. is to be the one who gets things done. But, sometimes the time is right to surrender. This has been a difficult process with my daughter, and I really am grateful that life and spirit continue to remind me and teach me to trust and to surrender.

This is true for my own health issues also.  Because I am tired as hell, I know in my heart I need to be with the process and surrender to life. 

Thank you for listening to my story of what is going on in my life at this time. This too shall pass and meanwhile, life goes on. . 😍💓