CAUGHT IN A SHIFT STORM-PART II

 Last week, on Wednesday,  I wrote about feeling like I was in a shift storm, being tossed around and caught in a whirlwind. In that blog, I shared part of chapter one from the book Illusions. It was about the creatures living at the bottom of the crystal river clinging to twigs and stones for fear of what would happen if they let go. And then one day, one creature made the decision to let go, and though bruised and battered from hitting the rocks, he eventually made it to the surface where he was able to float along in peace. After reading that piece, I made the decision to do what the creature did, and let go, quit clinging to what was and what I knew, and let the current take me into the unknown. 

Friday morning, while once again contemplating on the changes happening in my body and my life, and thinking about my on again and off again fear and anxiety about life, I had an important memory come to the surface.  The memory that surfaced happened about  twenty-five years ago, and I had forgotten about it. On Friday morning, it showed up, and after sitting still and re-living the entire event,  I began to to see what I needed to see.

I now share the details of this event with you:

I was on a white water rafting trip on the Nantahala river in North Carolina. It was a beautiful day for rafting and the day was going smoothly. We had been on the water for about an hour or two and were coming to the end of the class II rapids. Since we were getting into a smooth flowing, though rapid current, I relaxed my body. I was sitting on the edge of the raft with my feet curled under, looking forward to standing on dry land.  Suddenly we hit a small rapid, and when the raft jolted I fell backwards and into the river. Before I knew it, I was, being carried down the river by the swift current.

I could hear the guide on the raft hollering at me to turn myself around. One rule of riding the rapids is, if you fall out of the raft you want to do what you can to position yourself so you are going downstream feet first. If you go head first you stand the chance of slamming into a boulder and if you hit the same boulder foot first you could jam your spine. It seems it is better to hit feet first, if you are going to hit at all.

I do not know how I did it, but I managed to maneuver my body around so I was going feet first. What I could not do, due to the swift current, was make it back to the raft.

It was early spring so the river was still fairly shallow and there were a lot of boulders on the river bed. As I was carried downstream I was in a state of panic, and I was taking in water. I could feel the fear overwhelming me and I really thought I might either drown or wind up paralyzed for life from having my back hit all the boulders in the water as I floated down stream.

Somehow, and I really do not know how, in the midst of being carried away by the current, I had the knowing within that I needed to quit struggling and let myself go with the current. I don't know how I did it, but I did let go and allow myself to be swept away. The fear did not leave me, but in spite of the fear, I was somehow able to let go.

Shortly after, I heard a voice hollering, "Grab the oar." Without opening my eyes I reached my right hand over and there was the oar. The raft had finally reached me and I was able to grab hold of the oar. I was quickly pulled back into the boat.

I do not know how long the entire episode lasted. It felt like hours but was probably just a few minutes. When I was pulled back onto the raft I could not sit down.

Later, when I went to the doctor to be checked I found out I had a broken tailbone and severe spine and back bruises. I sat on a donut for almost a year before the break mended enough for me to sit without padding.

I believe this memory resurfaced at this time, because it was another reminder of my need to go with the flow and not fight the current. I do not know where the current will take me because I can't see ahead, and I do not know all the ramifications of the shifts and changes happening. I am doing my best to relax into the flow and take it as it comes.  I will continue to do this unless and until I can hit dry land again.