LARGENESS OF LIFE

 

I believe life is as large as we allow it to be. I also believe we are meant to live large, and only fear keeps us from fulfilling that natural, but often overlooked or denied, part of our being. 

As I think back on my life, I am surprised at how many different paths I have been down.

I've been:

A hair stylist. I owned  a shop for a few years.
A homemaker. I stayed home with my children until my youngest was in Junior High.
A Practice Manager. I managed a four doctor, thirty-five staff orthodontic practice.
A Practice Management Consultant, Seminar/Workshop leader and public speaker. I owned a management consulting firm and traveled the country consulting in orthodontic offices.
A Business Office Manager for a hospital based home health agency.
A facilitator of healing and bonding women's circles.
Owner of a therapeutic, massaging insole business. After ten years of working this business , I retired.
A writer, author and blogger.
A volunteer special advocate for abused, neglected and abandoned children.

I've done many things and been on many paths. Life has taken me in a lot of different directions.

Am I through morphing, moving, growing and changing? I don't know, but I don't think so. I am 81, but still open for new adventures. 

Have I done everything I've wanted to do? No, I would still like to bartend, I know not why. And I wanted to be a psychologist but had to drop out of school for financial reasons. 

As I look back on my life, I am glad I took all the chances I did. Over and over, I forged forward into new territory, and if I had to do it all again, I would do it the same. 

Every new adventure I took, each new territory I explored, I entered with fear and trembling. I was always afraid of failure, of looking stupid and of being thought that I was an imposter, but I kept going. I stuck with each adventure till it was over. When I knew within I was "done", I moved on. 

Today, I know I am a courageous soul, but I was not admired for my courage. In fact,  I was considered to be flighty, a person who could not make up her mind, frivolous, not quite all there, a little crazy, reckless and a gypsy. When I was younger I was a people-pleaser, so it still shocks me when I think of the daring things I chose to do, while knowing I would be judged for doing them. 

But, ho-hum, I pressed on because the largeness of life beckoned to me. I did not know then what I know now, or I should say I had not yet remembered who and what I was. All I did know was that my spirit longed to soar and to be free. 

I'm thankful I followed the call of my heart, because I am where I am due to the leading of spirit, and the courage to follow. 

Humans are created for spontaneity. We are made to be large and to expand. We each make the decision to live a small life or to be vulnerable enough to reach for the brass ring. What decision are you making? Are you settling for the known and the safe, or are you willing to expand? BE LARGE!! BE ALL YOU CAN BE!!

SOFTNESS

 

It is so obvious to me how powerful softness is. Some think softness is weakness, but actually softness is strong and powerful. A soft word or spirit can move mountains in our lives, and in the lives of others. 

I see softness in two different dimensions. 1) A softening of the words I speak to myself and to others. 2) the softening that happens to my hardened edges and hardened parts of my being when I absorb truth and light.

Softness is essential, if we want to experience a full range of emotions and connect deeply and intimately – both with others and with self. I believe we have to let down our defenses in order to soften.

I have witnessed many times the impact a soft word can have on a sad and/or suffering being. I also am very aware as the hardened parts of my being, along with the behaviors I have learned in order to get by in this world, begin to soften as I embrace the truth.

For the most part, we are all suffering humans who have some hard edges. We try not to show our vulnerabilities to others, but those vulnerabilities show up in many ways. Some of our more common vulnerabilities are fear of being less than, of not measuring up, of not knowing or being enough, and/or, fear of failure. Protecting ourselves long enough can, and often will, result in a hardened stance.

For many, we adapt to just living life the way we live. Maybe we talk too much to cover our discomfort, or maybe we laugh at everything and attempt to make others laugh in order to cover our unspoken sadness and grief. Perhaps we call others names, and make those unlike us wrong in order to cover our own sense of inadequacy. There are many behaviors we can adapt in order to "look" okay. But, because we become adept at looking okay, does not mean we are okay. We all know on some level what goes on in the deeper regions of our souls. 

Most of us carry some degree of unhealed trauma, which creates suffering in the body and in the emotional and psychological being. As a result, we walk around caged inside a false identity. We do our best to be accepted by the masses, by our loved ones and friends, and in our society. We hide our pain and pretend all is well. 

The big question is: what are we sacrificing to play this game? The second question is: how do we soften the hard edges so we can see into our soul and recognize the "one" we left behind in order to cover the emotional pain?  

I believe a soft light is better than a harsh one, and I believe truth can be received by Self and others when it is delivered in softness and love. I have seen over and over the hard edges soften when truth is spoken in softness. 

Women are nurturing by nature.  We have an innate softness. Unfortunately, for many, due to unhealed and unacknowledged trauma, our softness is covered with a hard resolve. We do this in order to make it through life without having to expose the  pain and suffering we carry in our core being.

Softness is all about love. Love for self and our sensitive nervous system and being, and love for others and where they are. Judgments and criticism of self and others serves no purpose. Soft words, on the other hand, engenders healing and softness in others.  A soft and compassionate presence can work miracles. 

Try this. In the midst of an argument, or of harsh words being spoken, take a step back and take a deep breath, then speak love in softness. Watch what happens. I have done it many times. Give up the argument, and the need to win and be right, and respond instead with loving, caring words. The charged energy around us changes when we change our stance from one of harshness and fight to softness, care and kindness. 

When someone cuts us off on the road and we see red, instead of cursing them and giving them the middle finger, try taking a deep breath and sending a blessing to them. Doing this will replace your anger and frustration with peace. 

Another action that can be taken is: In the midst of seeing someone suffering emotionally, instead of trying to fix them,  respond to their pain in softness and compassion. When this happens I can usually see the softening within the other, which will then turn into a healing moment. I know the tendency is to want to fix others when they are hurting, but often we don't need to be fixed, we just need to know we are seen and heard and are not alone. 

Be soft. Speak softly. Walk softly. Let your words and actions be filled with love and compassion. Bring healing to the world and its inhabitants with a soft touch. You matter. We all matter and we all deserve love.

COOPERATION VS. COMPETITION

 

We choose what kind of world we want to live in. 

My observation is, there are two camps, or two ways of being in this world. We decide, at some point in life, how we are going to live in the world. 

We either choose to adhere to an Us versus Them mentality or a You and I vision. We either believe we are separate from others, so whatever is happening out there does not really affect us, or we focus on the whole because we know that we are all connected, and therefore what affects one, affects all. 

US VERSUS THEM

In an Us vs. Them way of thinking, we believe someone or something is causing our life to be as it is. Somebody is taking my chips. Someone out there is responsible for my not having what I want, or for me being in the situation I am in. In this stance, we are victims and therefore powerless because someone else is causing all of our headaches. 

If not for them, we would have more money, a better job, a bigger house, or more stuff. THEY are unfair-it is their fault our lives are as they are. In this state of being we live from fear. We fear anything unlike ourselves. We fear other's beliefs. We fear other ethnicities, religious beliefs or no beliefs, sexual orientation and different color skin, We compete, fight, go to war, kill, put down, persecute, shame and vilify anything or anyone who we perceive as being in the way or threatening our way of being or our way of seeing the world.

Instead of celebrating differences, we tend to shut them down, shut them up and get rid of them, if possible. This type of thinking views struggle and competition as natural and the way to get what we want. When we live in this me vs. them place, we tend to create chaos. We often turn to violence as a means to an end. This is a small box to be in. It is extremely limited because it excludes anything unlike it. 

YOU AND I

The other side of the coin is You and I thinking. When we occupy this space, or perhaps this space occupies us, we take responsibility for who and where we are. We know, and we understand, that we are all connected, i.e., our lives are enriched by the whole. In a world where we know we are all brothers and sisters, we include all. 

In this place, if I do not have what I want, it is not because someone is taking it away from me. I do not look to the "other" to see who I can blame for what does not work in my life. I look within. 

In a you and I world, we share instead of compete. We cooperate with others instead of making them wrong and resorting to name calling and labeling. In a you and I world we strive for community and we allow others to have their own thoughts, feelings and beliefs. We may not always agree with others, but instead of resorting to fighting and hate, we listen and look for a way to cooperate and care. 

A PYRAMID OF THINKING 

I read a lot of books on quantum theory, and one of my favorite authors on the topic is Gregg Braden. I like to read Gregg's books because he has a way of explaining what I normally would have a hard time processing. When I read Gregg's words I somehow can understand higher truths.  

While reading Resilience from the Heart, by Gregg, I was struck by his ideas about our thought processes and how we view the world.  In this part of the book, Gregg posits a hierarchy of thinking. *

The following is his pyramid of thinking, in which he starts with our thoughts on the origin of life and ends with the tipping point of crisis. 

We vs. Them                                                                    You and I

                               1.  The Origin of Life 

1. Random occurrence,  chance                                     1. Directed process of design

                                         2. The Origin of Human Life

2. Chance occurrence of random process                      2.Rare combination of designed systems                       

                                         3. Our Relationship to Our Body

3. Separate & powerless                                                 3. Connected& linked

                                         4. Our Relationship to the World

4. Separate & independent                                              4. Connected & interdependent

                                          5. The History of Civilization

5. Linear, one-way trend                                                  5. Cyclic & conditions & crises repeat                        

                                          6. The Tipping Point of Crisis

6. Solved through competition,                                        6. Solved through cooperation, 
force & conflict                                                                     understanding & mutual aid

Personally, I embrace the concept of cooperation, sharing and community. I find an innate power in taking responsibility for my life as opposed to playing a victim and blaming everyone else. Victims present themselves as powerless. Victims need someone else to come along and save them as opposed to one who takes responsibility for shifting their life. 

Which world would you rather live in? An Us versus Them one where you have to fear others because life is about competition, or a You and I one where you live in harmony with others.

I know what I choose. 

 *Braden, Gregg, The Good News, Resilience from the Heart, Hay House, 2014, pg. 181

AHNVEE, COSHON AND MY CAJUN UPBRINGING

 

While going through some of my ancestry papers a few days ago, I came across a page of cajun french expressions. I had written these down a few years back when I was making notes of some of the words and phrases I learned as a child. Most of my family spoke French to each other, especially when they did not want the children to know what they were talking about. In fact, my brother and I were the first generation that was not taught to speak French. However, though we weren't schooled in speaking French we did grow up using many of the cajun french words and colloquialisms. 

When we longed or hankered for something, especially food, we had an awn vee (ahnvee).  We did not vacuum or mop, we passed the vacuum or we passed the mop. We also passed a good time. We ate sandwiches with mynez (mayonnaise) on them, we put on our drawz (drawers), and a kitty cat was known as a meenoo. When something tasted good our standard expression was May sha (mai cher) that was some good, yeh. My godmother was my nanan and my godfather was my paran.

People who did not know what we knew were cooyawn (couillon) which means stupid, when something was dirty it was coshawn (coshon) and we ro dah dayed (rodee') which means we ran the streets. We could say anything we wanted about anybody as long as we prefaced our remark with, "Bless her heart." Those who did not understand us were say-bet (ces't bet) which means uneducated. 

We also used the word me in a lot in our sentences. For instance, "I'm going to eat me some crayfish, or "I'm going to buy me some groceries. Our favorite card game was a cajun game called  Bourre', pronounced booray. When we went to bed we were going to make dodo (dough dough). When we beat someone by a lot we pelayed them and when we wanted to get even with someone we put the gree-gree (gris gris) on them. 

Growing up in southeast Louisiana surrounded by Cajun French people, in a Cajun French family, made an impression on me. A big part of my heritage that was passed on to me, and still sticks with me, was the art of celebrating life and family. There was always a large contingency of family gathered at our house and there was usually joke telling, laughter, dancing, cocktails and a lot of food. This obviously made an impression on me because I still love celebrating life and loved ones. There is nothing that is more fun for me than being surrounded by loved ones eating, drinking and enjoying each other. Paul and I love it when family and friends come over and we get out the board games or a deck of cards and play games into the wee hours of the morning. I sometimes worry we will wake the neighbors with our hilarious laughter and loudness.

I am the only one left in the family from the "old guard" and I sometimes get nostalgic for those times when the house rocked with laughter and song, while the youngsters (that would be me) played with our cousins till we were worn out, or till the older generation made us go to bed. Bed for us, at those times, was what we called making a pallet on the floor. The children all slept on the floor so the adults could have the beds.

I call my growing up years, a Cajun way of life, and as I look back on those times I have come to appreciate the area, the people, and the uniqueness of it all. There was a time when I was embarrassed to be Cajun because people called us coon asses, but as I grew up I began to understand and appreciate my heritage. My people's motto for life is "Laizze les bon temps rouler", let the good times roll. Now, that has to be a good thing, don't you think?