THANKSGIVING

I love Thanksgiving and always look forward to  the gathering of family and friends.  This year, for Thanksgiving, my daughter is flying in from New Orleans and we are all going to gather at my new daughter-in-law's family's home. I appreciate the blending of families and always enjoy being together with all as we share the bounty of the earth.  I love the sounds and the smells of the day; a turkey roasting in the oven, people gathered around talking and sharing kindness and care and everyone sitting together at the table enjoying the delicious feast that has been prepared  

Besides the joy of Thanksgiving day, I usually have a certain amount of sadness on that day.  My mother died on Thanksgiving night. The family had all gathered at her house for Thanksgiving dinner and she lay in a coma on a hospice bed not far from where we sat to eat. After dinner we gathered around her bed as we watched our L.S.U. Tigers beat Texas A&M in a football game. My mother loved her Tigers and we were so happy to share the game with her. Even though she was in a coma we knew she could hear us and hear the game. 

After everyone left later that night and the house was quiet, she made her transition.  On 11/24/16 at 11:24PM she took the last step on her journey home. That was a thanksgiving I shall never forget.

It also is a thanksgiving that I am grateful for.  I, my daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter had been sitting by my mother's side for four days and nights because we did not want her to die alone,. We talked to her, comforted her, thanked her and just poured love and gratitude all over her in her final days. It is hard to explain the depth of gratitude I feel for being able to experience the extreme gift of holding my mother in love as she died.

This year, as always, even as I feel the sadness that is in my heart, I am still  overwhelmed with appreciation for all of the love, compassion and thoughtfulness that flow in and through my life. I am so blessed to have a loving family and wonderful, kind and gentle friends. 

I send love and gratitude to all of my readers and wish you all a happy, blessed and loving Thanksgiving day. May your life be filled with thankfulness every day.  You all matter!  You are all important!

RELATIONSHIPS

Humans are relational beings. Over the years I have come to understand that most of our soul wounding happened in relationships, first with caretakers and later with others who we interacted with. Most of the healing of those wounds takes place in relationships also. We need relationships in order to grow and flourish. When we are in good, nurturing relationships we have the opportunity to expand and thrive.  When we are in poor, stressful and demanding relationships we tend to contract and draw within. Therefore, choosing who we spend time with, who we spend our lives with and who we interact with is important.

In past relationships I have endured, and in many instances, withstood. I have had my heart broken a few times.  I have had many relationships over the years; some good and some not so good.  I have been in relationships that were filled with anger and distrust and some that were fun and fulfilling. I have stayed in some relationships too long and left others too early.

As I look back on the relationships I have had I see one thing in common. All had something to teach me about myself and how I relate to others. In some cases I learned how to stand up and say no, in others I learned how to soften my stance. I did not know any of this at the time but as I look back and reflect on life, I can see how in some fashion I prospered in my growth as a human. I also learned what I did not want as opposed to what I did want to have in my life.

For sixteen years, I have been very blessed to be in a marriage with someone who is kind and nurturing, who always has my back and who has the ability to see me, hear me and listen without an agenda. Before I met Paul I was divorced and alone for almost six years. I did not even date during that time. Men would ask me out to dinner but I refused because I hadn't yet met anyone I wanted to share a meal with. My girlfriends would encourage me to go to dinner (it was a free meal) and I always responded with, "I am not willing to sit across the table from, and celebrate a meal with, someone I don't really like. Besides, I can buy my own dinner."

Then I met a European who was quite charming and very handsome. We dated for about five weeks and most of that five weeks was spent arguing. He was old school and was looking for someone to fix his meals, wash his clothes and be a companion. It did not take long for me to start calling him a chauvinistic pig while he chewed me out for dropping the F bomb too many times.  In his mind it was unladylike to say that word.  One afternoon while in the middle of one of our heated arguments, I had an ah-ha moment. I saw how I kept sticking with him, when there obviously was nothing between us, because I was needy. When the clarity hit, I stepped back and took a look at how often I stayed in unhappy relationships because of my need to be with someone and to feel wanted and okay. 

That was an eye opener for me, and with the insight, I was able to put an end to an unhealthy situation I had put myself into. I then took some time to do a review of my life and relationships and saw how often I sold out just so I could be "in a relationship." It looked like madness to me and I decided I was going to pay attention and make choices that would serve me in the long run. No more selling myself short in order to feel needed, connected and wanted. 

Then I met Paul. Neither of us were looking for a partner. We liked each other and were immediate friends and we remain friends until today. 

I have experienced the greater part of my soul healing since having Paul in my life. We made a vow to love and support each other, not only when we are feeling good and have it all together, but also when we are in a space of clearly forgetting who we are. Over the years our relationship has deepened as we stay true to each other and to our Anam Cara commitment.  We do not always agree on everything but we remain steadfast in our love and our promise to hear each other and to be honest. I am grateful for this partnership of love and keep giving my soul permission to take in all the love as I let the healing unfold.   

 

IN THE WOODS

                                                                       Aerial view of house

 Autumn has always been my favorite time of the year, but since moving to the woods I love it even more.  I look out my window and see the changing of the leaves and how the sunlight filters through the trees at certain times of the day. It is nice being back in the woods as the days are getting shorter, the nights colder, the trees barer and life quieter. I like the crispness in the air, I appreciate a fire in our outdoor firepit and delight in the crackling of leaves beneath my feet as I walk through the yard.

We live on five acres of land with about three and a half acres being woods. In the summer we cannot see the other houses in the neighborhood unless we go down to the street. The woods are full of oak, pine, poplar, birch, sweetgum and maple, so our house is surrounded by tall, stately trees. 

We are pretty isolated out here so you can probably imagine how lonely it sometimes gets back here in the woods. We do have neighbors but since every home owner out here owns five or more acres of land, none of the houses are close. Our street is gravelled, there are no sidewalks and we do not even have a street sign at the corner. Thankfully, I have gotten to know most of my neighbors and there is a comfortable camaraderie among us. 

Living in the woods has its advantages and it also has its challenges. There is no broadband back here and cell phone reception is not the best. Everyone in this area has satellite since there is no cable. Some of my neighbors have tried streaming, but internet via Hughes Net is very sketcchy and only provides limited data.  

There is a little country store about five miles away but to go to a supermarket means anywhere from a twenty to a twenty-five minute drive. All of the streets from our road to the main highway are two lane, winding country roads. The closest shopping center is about forty minutes away, the nearest airport is one and a half hours and it takes close to a half hour to get to interstate. 

Though there are challenges to living in the woods, there are also huge benefits, especially for someone like me who loves nature and space to breathe. I appreciate the quiet and the feeling of being tucked away in my own little corner of the world. We do have good neighbors who are all always willing to step in and help each other. Paul and I enjoy exploring our woods and finding all the treasures hidden in them. Our land is full of quartz so we are never at a loss for large stones to outline our flower gardens. We certainly do not have to buy firewood since there are so many downed trees in the woods plus a neighbor across the street has chickens so I always have fresh free-range eggs,

In the spring and summer our hummingbird and bird feeders are filled with all kinds of beautiful birds. Of course, we also have a lot of squirrels, rabbits, deer, possum, raccoon, foxes and even a bear. This summer we came across a copperhead  making his way into the woods and it is not unusual to see black snakes slithering across the yard.

There are four young children in our neighborhood and I love the sound of them playing in the yard. They spend their time outdoors on their trampoline and jungle gyms and  I often see them going in and out of the woods on the trails their parents have cut for them to ride their four wheelers on. It is so refreshing to hear the squeals of delight and the laughter of children playing outside. 

It seems people either love living in the woods or they hate it. I have been told by a few that they could never live where I live, and then there are those who say they would give anything to live where we live. If you are attached to a cell phone and broadband and to the convenience of city living, you would not like it back here. However, if you are someone who enjoys quiet, dark nights with no street lights and being in nature, then you would love it back here. 

I would appreciate hearing from my readers. What works best for you? City or country living? 

At the firepit

Fall in the front yard

                           
                                                                                

GOING TO THE WELL

Life can be hectic. Because I am in a physical body and I live on this planet, I, like all of us, am susceptible to valley experiences. Some days are frustrating, some hectic, some confusing; some experiences provoke a response of anger or irritation, some  create feelings of weariness and depression.  

Then there are the days when I feel like I am on a mountain top. The sun is shining, life is falling into place, things are going my way, On those days I usually feel energetic and glad to be in my body living the life I get to live.

Life has its ups and downs, and since I am a feeling and sensing person I feel a lot in my body. I cannot always control the circumstances that life brings,and I sometimes feel like I am teetering on the edge.  Adapting to life's events can be very tough and even feel unreachable.

I have had to learn, and am still learning, how to stay present and keep myself on as even a keel as I can, as I deal with the ups and downs of life. The way I do this is by continually going to the well.

A well can be one thing, or it can be a combination of things, thoughts and actions that assist you in returning your sensitive nervous system to your window of tolerance. We function best when we feel safe and centered, so having tools at our disposal that will allow us to regain our balance when the going gets tough, is important. I call these tools my well. It is my sip of cool, clean water when I am feeling parched. 

It has taken time and practice to build and fill my well and to learn to go to it when I am feeling tossed by the winds of life. 

GOING TO THE WELL

The first and most important sip I take is to check my connection to my creator. I know mother/father god. I have personally experienced the benevolence and kindness that comes from that connection, so I know how it feels to use that divine love as my soft place to land.

I pause and take deep diaphramatic breaths as I feel my feet on the ground.  I sometimes do this by standing barefoot on the ground so I can absorb the strength of mother earth. 

Other methods I sometimes use to recreate a feeling of safety and well-bring are:

I put my forehead against one of my favorite trees or stand with my spine touching a tree. 

I remind myself who I am and why I am here.

I practice self-soothing. Sometimes I hug and hold myself, other times I lay my head back and take a sacred pause.

I shift the focus to my senses: What do I feel, hear, see, taste, touch.

I stretch my body.

I go for a walk in nature.

I write about my experience in the moment.

I emote my feelings. If sad, I cry, if angry, I express it.

I practice being.

All of these are my well experiences. I have learned that living in this fast paced world that is experiencing huge amounts of anger and violence, and breathing this air, means I have to practice self-care. The more I practice kindness and compassion towards myself the more I am able to go with the flow and allow life to be. 

We all need a well . We all need a place to go and tools to use when the going gets rough. When we don't have a well to go to we run the risk of getting underneath it all instead of being able to maintain sanity and peace.

It is a good practice to sit down and make a list of what is available to you when you are feeling the onslaught of life. Identify what works for you and what you can access when necessary.

If I did not have a well to go to I honestly wonder where I would be in life at this moment. It is my saving grace.