IT'S MARDI GRAS Y'ALL !!

Today is Mardi Gras, which is French for Fat Tuesday.  Growing up in southeast Louisiana, just a few miles from New Orleans, Mardi Gras was a long-awaited, festive event in the area,  Schools were and still are closed, as are many businesses, making it easy for the locals to celebrate the day. And celebrate, we did. Mardi Gras was, and is, definitely a laissez les bons temps rouler day, which in Cajun French means "let the good times roll." And roll, they did. 

I have so many fond memories of waking up on Mardi Gras day, full of joie de vive, and ready to roll. My mother would dress my brother and I in our Mardi Gras costumes, she and my grandmother would fry chicken and make potato salad for us to snack on, then pack a picnic basket full of  cookies, chips and candy for the day. Sometimes we took a few of the neighborhood kids with us, and for most of my young life, Mardi Gras was a family event. 

We would leave early in the morning so we could stake out a place at Lee Circle on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans. Lee Circle was a prime spot for watching the parades. Some families brought ladders for their children to stand on so they could be higher up, which meant it would be easier to catch beads and doubloons. Like ants on a feeding frenzy on a sugar cube, before the parades started, the children would start jockeying and elbowing for a position on the street. Our  prime objective for the day was to catch as many beads as we could. 

We would stay on the parade route as long as the floats were rolling and the bands were marching and playing.  I loved the beautiful floats and the costumes worn by the people on the floats. I also enjoyed the marching bands, especially the drums. We would dance and cavort on the street to the beat of the drums.  I can still hear the echoes of people, especially children, yelling, "throw me something mister". We would stand with arms stretched to the sky in hopes of catching a pair of beads or a doubloon,

When the day was finally over, families would pack up their belongings and start ferrying their children to their cars to begin the trip home. All the way home my brother and I would go through our catch of the day and squabble over who caught the most beads.

When I was a teenager, they began to allow decorated trucks in the Mardi Gras parades. One year my mother and my godmother rented a big truck and decorated it. My brother and I and our cousins invited our friends to ride with us in the parade. Our theme was Dungaree Dolls and we all wore blue jeans with pink button down the front denim shirts.  I will always remember the excitement of that day. This time we were the ones throwing the beads, instead of being on the street catching them. 

The last Mardi Gras day I celebrated was in 2005. My dear friend, Alexandra, and I decided on a Saturday night to drive to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. The next morning we got in the car and made the twelve hour drive, and laughed all the way down the road . She had never been to Mardi Gras so for her it was quite an adventure. On Monday morning we drove to Lake Charles where my older son was living. We spent the afternoon at his house then the three of us went to a local bar and restaurant and ate, drank and danced the night away. She and I got up early Tuesday morning and headed to Metairie, which is the outskirts of New Orleans, where we met my son and daughter in law. We spent the day on the street hollering for and catching beads and doubloons. That was a momentous Mardi Gras day for both of us and I can honestly say we both had the time of our life on that trip.  

The last Mardi Gras parade I attended was in 2015. I was in La. visiting my mother, when my daughter and I, on the spur of the moment, decided to get a hotel room on St. Charles Avenue and take my mother to see a Sunday night parade. We all had a good time and it was so much fun watching my 94 year old mother holler, "throw me something mister." That was my mother's last parade. She died the following year. 

I don't know if I will ever make another Mardi Gras parade.  I would love to go back again and make it a family affair. Who knows? Maybe next year I will be in New Orleans celebrating Mardi Gras,.and I will once again get to stand in the street hollering at someone to throw me a pair of beads.

Meanwhile, Happy Mardi Gras y'all!!!

EMPATHIC COURAGE

Empathic courage is the courage to open and feel deeply for others.  The word empathy comes from the Greek words, en, which means in, and pathos, which means feeling. So, to be empathetic means to have the ability to share in another's emotions, thoughts, or feelings. Courage is the quality of being brave.

Empathic courage requires us to put aside assumptions about others and about life, let go of bias, question our prejudices and be willing to learn something new. It means being brave enough to look beyond the veil that we carefully construct, over a lifetime, to protect our beliefs and biases. 

Last week, I wrote about being willing to remove the blinders. This weeks blog is about building on the idea of seeing more clearly. 

I am continually learning that when I fight myself, others, or life, in order to hold fast to a belief, whether I want to admit it or not, I am feeling like my belief is being threatened.  When I harden my stance in order to protect my belief,  I am afraid of losing something. 

We all have personal beliefs, and for the most part, we think our beliefs are the true beliefs. If another's belief contradicts mine, then they are wrong because what I believe must be true. I mean, after all, if I am willing to fight for it, it must be true, right?? (I am bring ludicrous)

The majority of humans are raised with prejudice and biases and we dig our heels in the sand when it comes to upholding them. The ironic thing about this is, as I wrote last week, so many of our beliefs, which are based on prejudice and bias, are not even ours. They were taught to us by caretakers, families, schools, religions, government and culture. As children, when someone in authority tells us something is so, we believe what they say.  However, what is being passed on to us is not necessarily the truth. We may take it as truth at that moment, but later on in life we may question it and in the process come to realize that it is no longer our truth. 

When we find ourselves digging our heels in the sand to avoid questioning, or changing a belief, we can be sure we are walling ourselves into a small space.  Unfortunately, that small space only includes those of like mind, and excludes those, and that, which is different from what we believe to be true. 

Here is the problem with that. We run the risk of staying the same in believing ideas that not only no longer work for us, but some that may be downright harmful to self and others. 

Here are some of the beliefs that were fed to me when I was growing up. I held fast to them for many years, but gratefully, the time came when I began to step back and take a hard look at some of the ridiculous ideas that formed my life. 

These are in no particular order: (For the record, I do not hold to any of these beliefs any longer)

• The Catholic religion was the only true religion and Catholics were the only ones going to heaven.
• Black people were here to serve and care for white people. My grandparents believed black people had no soul. They were inferior.
• Italians were wops and dagos. They were moody and could be mean.
• Jewish people were greedy.
• Witches were evil and I should be afraid of them.
• To wear white after labor day was a major faux pas. 
• In order to be admired by boys, girls needed to shave their legs and underarms. 
• Columbus discovered America
• Males were superior and females competed for their attention.
• God/creator, was male, my father and if I did not obey him and his rules he would send me to a place where I would burn for eternity.
• Children were to be seen and not heard.. 

These are just a few of the ideas, prejudices and biases I grew up believing. It takes courage to open our mind and heart to other ways of being. It takes great courage to adopt our own set of beliefs, which often means going against the status quo. 

What I know today is that we ALL matter, we are all significant beings and we are here to love.  What stands in the way of us living love is bias, prejudice and pedagogy that we may be hanging on to. Empathic courage enables us to see our self and others through the lens of inclusivity. When we have that vision we can drop the labels and the hateful comments and thoughts about others and live from a place of knowing we are all part of the same race, the human race. We are all connected, we all matter.

BE LOVE TODAY. BE KINDNESS. BE BRAVE.

TAKING THE BLINDERS OFF

 TAKING THE BLINDERS OFF

About ten years ago I had cataract surgery. The ophthalmologist removed the cataract from my right eye first, then about a month later he removed the cataract from my left eye. Here is the interesting thing about that surgery.

The day I had the first cataract removed, I came home and lay down for a while. Sometime that afternoon I got up and went into my kitchen and looked out my window. I was shocked at what I saw. As I looked out of the eye that had just had the cataract removed I was instantly aware that all of the colors were brighter and everything was sharper. I kept taking turns covering one eye, then the other, so I could continue to marvel at the difference between seeing clearly and seeing through opaqueness. 

Before I had the cataracts removed, I did not know I was not seeing clearly. I really did not think about it as having a film over my eyes. I got so used to seeing through the opaqueness, I did not even question what I might be missing. Looking at the world through cataracts was a way of life.

Thinking about this  reminded me that taking for granted what and how we see, happens to all of us on a daily basis. We grow so accustomed to whatever vision we hold that we don't even question what we might not be seeing or what we might be missing. Or, perhaps we do question, but don't listen for the answers, because to see and know more might upset the apple cart. 

Often, life reminds me that I only see the tip of the iceberg, and to think that what I see is "it" is foolhardy. There is a great big world out there just waiting to be seen and discovered. There are truths I have not yet heard of or learned. There are ideas I have not even thought of, let alone formulated.

If, or when, I take the stance that what I see and know is all there is, I am doing myself a grave disservice. That belief closes me off to life and keeps me stuck in my own little world.

It is okay to take the blinders off.

Gratefully, I made a choice quite a few years back to break out of that little box and open my mind and life to more. I came to a  place where I was willing to risk being called a fool, to be taken to task for daring to question life and my beliefs, and to walk blindly into what I trusted was a bigger world, My soul longed for clarity and the ability to see the bigger picture.

It was not always easy to lay aside life-long beliefs, even when I saw that they no longer served me. It can still be a difficult task.  It was especially hard to question them because I knew they were formed from what my family, church, school, society and culture told me was true. 

We are indoctrinated at a very young age as to what to believe, how to think and act, and what is right and wrong. To question what we were taught to believe means to question those who taught us. This can be very daunting, and can cause us to stay stuck in small places with vision that has been dimmed by small thoughts and ideas. Consider this: Many of the ideas and beliefs we hold fast to are not even ours. They were passed on to us by others. Some, we are able to hold loosely, and some we hold on to for dear life. Some of our beliefs are good and righteous, and some are not. 

It is good and prudent to question what we are clinging to. Have our beliefs dimmed our vision?  Is our vision clouded with bias, prejudice and hate?  Are we okay with violence and cruelty? Is our vision dim or is it clear? Cloudy vision creates cloudy thinking. When I see through the eyes of bias or prejudice, I think I am better than others and begin the practice of looking down on those who do not share my cloudy belief. When we do that we shut out growth and learning and limit ourselves to a small, exclusive life. 

When we are willing to go beyond what we think we know, so we can know more of what we don't know, our vision increases and the picture gets bigger and clearer. In today's world, where there is so much human suffering, it is imperative that we lay aside our biases in order to develop the understanding that we are all part of the same human family and that love is what matters. We can bless others or we can curse them. We can feel empathy and compassion for others or we can turn our back. We can support others or we can make fun of them. Our actions are determined by our beliefs.  

There is so much to know about ourselves, life and each other.  Our souls long for light and  truth. Our souls long for our lives to be aligned to the truth we know within. My prayer is that we will all  open our hearts and minds to largeness and possibility. YOU MATTER!!!  WE ALL MATTER!!! Let's take the blinders off.

(Suggested reading: No Man is an Island by John Donne)

A DAILY PRACTICE:

In order to keep my mind and heart open to seeing clearly, I incorporated the following practice into my daily life. After sitting quietly and taking a few deep breaths. I  ask creator, "What do I need to see today? What do I need to be aware of in my life and in the world at large?"  I pray for the courage to look beyond my habitual way of seeing so I can not only have clearer vision, but also the ability to understand and care for myself and others on a higher and deeper level.

IT'S AN INSIDE JOB - LEAVING THE VICTIM ROLE BEHIND

 IT'S AN INSIDE JOB - LEAVING THE VICTIM ROLE BEHIND

Most of what I write about is what I already know, and/or what I am continuing to learn on an almost daily basis .One thing I recognized a long time ago is that I am here to learn, and that Planet Earth is my school and life is my lesson.

The desire of my heart has been, and continues to be, to complete my journey home to my authentic self. This means I have to stay awake and aware and remember to look within for my answers to those things that create angst and frustration in my life.

I spent the first part of my life looking outside of myself, blaming other people and circumstances for life not being the way I wanted it to be. As I have said before, it is so easy to look at others and blame them for what and how we feel at any given moment. If only she, he or it would change!! 

When we blame others we are actively playing the role of the victim. Someone is doing something, or not doing something, to mess up my idyllic life and to make me angry. She chews too loud and that aggravates me, he won't pick up his clothes and that makes me angry, she spends too much money and it pisses me off and I could go on and on. I am sure you get the picture. 

We can continue to go on like this for the rest of our life, being victimized and sighing heavily, if we so choose. Or we can decide/choose to do something different. 

I was a victim when I was a child because I had no choices and I did not know what I know now. Glory be, that as I matured I became aware of the all the possibilities for bringing healing to my life.

Learning to go within is a tremendous healing tool. It can heal our childhood wounds, thereby healing our relationships with self and others. When we quit looking at others as the source of our discomfort and start to look within, life changes as healing occurs. 

Something important to know about going within is to understand that the purpose of love is to bring up everything unlike itself for the purpose of healing. I know this to be true. We are relational beings, our wounding happened in relationships with others and healing occurs in relationships. If you really want to see the wounds you carry within, get into a loving relationship and given enough time, they will definitely show up.

Relationships are challenging. When they are new, they are fun. He is prince charming and she is a dream come true. There may be things about the other person that are not perfect, but in the early stage of a relationship, which is a stage of living in euphoria, we overlook stuff. Maybe he'll change, maybe she will lose weight, maybe he will speak softer, maybe she will learn to cook, etc., etc., ,etc. 

This is so not only in love relationships but in new jobs, a new baby, a new home and almost anything that is new and is a dream come true. We all go through the honeymoon stage in relationship to anything and anyone.

However, once the euphoria wears off and we start seeing more clearly, is when we tend to start nitpicking and blaming it or them for our unhappiness or irritation. We thought the job would be great, but we find out the boss is impossible. We thought moving to the country was the best thing possible, but we are miles from everything. We thought he/she was the one we were waiting for, but we find out she snores at least half the night, he won't take out the trash, she is self-centered and lazy, and he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything exciting. .Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  

It has taken time for me to remember that in order to live in peace and joy and to have loving relationships, I need to go within for the answers to why I am being activated by others. We all have triggers or activation points; those things that bring our anger, rage or sadness to the surface.  And I know it is easier to blame others for why I am being triggered, but it also is a sure way to kill the relationship with him/her or it.

 As I continue to practice looking within and being honest with myself, the more peaceful I have become in myself and in my relationships. Learning to live in peace and contentment is an inside job. By the way, another beautiful thing that happens when we open the door to our soul is we get to see how truly amazing we are!! YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT AND YOU MATTER...